UPDATE : We made it! You made it! Our target has been reached! Well done all of you. Let's all pat ourselves on the back on this joyous occasion. The fact that it happened more or less on Christmas is a Christmas miracle. Who ever said that only bad things happen on FML? Think again, come in error friends! We give and we give and ask for not a lot in return. Well, we wouldn't mind a nice box of chocolates now and then, maybe some ham? But for now, we've got three gifts to send to our lucky FML members. If that's not a clear indication of what being part of the FML family means, well, the signals are pretty clear, open your eyes. Anyway, we wish you all a merry Christmas, and hope that all goes well. Until next time, be excellent to each other!
The holiday season is well under way, what with Thanksgiving being over, and turkeys now being able to relax for a bit. People have given themselves pastings over Black Friday, the media invented whatever Cyber Monday was supposed to be to have something to talk about and we had a nice Regular Tuesday having a bath and listening to some pan-pipes music to relax.
The holiday season is not just fun and games and diabetes though. It’s a time to think about our friends, families and those who are less fortunate than us. Here at FML, we may come across as a cynical bunch of hoodlums, but we’re not. We strive for excellence, and we wear our hearts on our sleeves. (Not literally, that wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone). We’ve had our share of unfortunate stories on our shores. People have come and gone; they’ve told us their tales of woe. They’ve made us laugh with their lack of skills when it comes to success in the real world.
FML Headquarters, yesterday
This year, we’ve decided to give back to those poor souls who were brave enough to reach out into the dark void that is the Internet, and help them out. No, we’re not going to give them money, or a trip to go fart in a space dome. No, it’s better than that. We’re going to give them… the FML treatment! OK, when we put it like that, it sounds a bit creepy, but it’s not, honest! Here’s the idea:
We’ve selected 3 FMLs from the “Follow-up” category. In case you don’t know, this category is where the person who posted the story actually came back to comment on it, and gave some indications to how things turned out afterwards. The fact that they’ve commented on the stories means that we can contact them, and reward them with something to make up for the hardship they endured. But we can’t give out prizes willy-nilly, we’re not a massive charity with tons of cash to spend on everyone. This is where you come in. We're going to put the 3 stories up for vote, and you get to decide whether or not they deserve to be compensated or not. Then, once the numbers are in, we, like some sort of confused, bumbling Santa with less dress sense, get in touch with the winners, send them their prize and announce it all on the website/app with much gusto and maybe some piss-weak beer and some stale chips for everyone.
An FML moderator in full flight, 9am
How does it work? We've arbitrarily set some cut-off points for each story, which correspond to amounts of visits for this page. If the target is met for each one, we will go ahead with our proposals.
So, what are the stories, and what will they be getting? Here they are:
Our first story is about a budding artist and his medium choice:
Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to "paint mama a picture." FML - by ashsaunde
The user then told us by commenting on their FML: "Yes he was finger painting with it as well as wiping his butt on everything in his room. We're in the middle of potty training so he thought he was helping by cleaning himself off."
To compensate for this mess, if this page hits 30,000 views, we'll give them something to make up for it. What is it? Well, just check back as often as possible, and the box below will reveal itself as this page gets more and more hits.
Page hits : 120287
The first Xmas gift is a paint set for the kid to express himself artistically, as well as a kid-sized cleaning utensils so that if anything gets messy again, he can damn well clean it up himself!
Our second story, is a story about school lunches, passing out and lasagna:
Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML - by _sempiternus
The user sempiternus then went on to comment on their FML by saying: "Thank you all for the wishes of recovery! Besides my bruised ego, I am perfectly well."
What do we want to do for them? If this page hits 60,000 views, we thought that we'd... well no, you'll have to wait to find out. Same as the previous entry, check the box below for the slow reveal!
As you may have worked out, the second gift is a meal for two at an Italian restaurant so that some proper lasagna can be had, to make up for the (probably terrible) canteen ones that were missed out on!
Our last Xmas miracle is about grandmothers and pictures:
Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML - by saraitkddh
saraitkddh told us afterwards: "She has more than one picture of me but she just put them inside the drawer. She always ask my cousins for pictures of them, and my mom once offered her to give her new pictures of me but she ignored her."
This is the big one. What can we do? Well, same again, with your help and 90,000 hits on this page, maybe we can bring some festive cheer into someone's life. The gift will appear in the box below as time, and clicks, go on. So get on with it, and spread some holiday cheer!
As you can see, the third prize is an electronic picture frame. Something high-tech is always nice to fiddle with at Christmas, and this way, our prizewinner can either keep it home to put their own selection of pictures in, or fill it with pictures of herself and plant it in Grandma's house!
This is the obligatory end bit. To end this festive blog article, here's a link to Wham's "Last Christmas", AKA "The Best Christmas Song EVER". So now get clicking on this page, and maybe next year it’ll be you!