Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (28651)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:51am - money - by jeffswife (woman) - United States (California)

jeffswife's comment about their FML

Lol! Despite all the mean comments, I thought I would clarify a few things. #1 I am completely aware that I deserved it. #2 The whole reason I had the diamond in a baggie in my pocket was that I had JUST picked it up from the store. We were not buying their solitaire mounting, because I already had another setting picked out at a different store. #3 My mom was babysitting my son, and had taken him on an hour long drive, so I was waiting at the mall for her to come back, she would call me when she got home. I went across the way to the Apple Store, and I was only there for about half an hour when she called me, and I took out my phone. #4 I don't own a handbag! I'm not a girly girl and I hate purses.

The good news: I filed a police report to get the footage from the Apple Store. They caught the person who didn't turn it in. =P KARRRMA. They had already sold it, but my insurance is replacing it.

Also, anyone who thinks this is something to get divorced are ridiculous. =] My husband and I are very much in love, and we have a beautiful baby boy together. These are petty little things. Money comes and goes, and it is not worth fighting over.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML


I agree, your life sucks (7031) - you deserved it (51277)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Britters89 (woman) - United States (California)

britters89's comment about their FML

yes, I definitely failed..... I had an exam at 10:00 and thought it was 11:00. Professor locks the door at the beginning, and I would have failed the class if I was late. Fortunately, my brother repairs windows, so i ended up getting it fixed for free :)

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was dining out with some friends when a hot guy on the table next to us smiled at me. Flattered, I smiled back at him several times. On his way out, he laid a napkin with his number at my table. I didn't notice, too busy looking at the yellow dress and the pink pumps he was wearing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (6019)

On 10/03/2009 at 6:49pm - love - by badatgenders (woman) - Norway (Nord-Trondelag)

iselilja's comment about their FML

ok ok, OP/badatgenders (and no, I'm not making that my average FML name) speaking, after reading all of these comments I feel like 99% of you got it wrong:
THIS WAS NOT A TRANSVESTITE MALE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. THIS WAS A WOMAN (probably a lesbian), WITH A MALE-ISH FACE. My friends (who thought this was hilarious) googled the phone number and turns out; her name is Linda. So, you christians and atheists and every other religious/not religious member of this website; peace and love! no need for fighting here, ok?

SHE was also wearing a black blazer with heavy shoulderpads, so I didnt see the dress until she stood up. Maybe I should have guessed, but I was half-drunk, and honestly believed it was a guy. The tables was set up in a way that made some of the view blocked by this shemale's friends and so on, blah blah blah. I did not notice the phone number at first when she walked out, since I was too shocked over the fact that I thought she was a guy, but I saw it after that she and her friends had left. Any more questions?

Thanks for calling me an ignorant ass and a dumb slut! I totally agree guys, I probably need some glasses. But bye bye! I gotta go. My friends are spreading this all over facebook and my father (friend at facebook, strangely enough) are wondering if his daughter has becomed a lesbian, after all. Later!

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31547) - you deserved it (11080)

On 10/03/2009 at 9:47am - misc - by Porcelain (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Weezie_rm's comment about their FML

So I wouldn't talk and the audience wouldn't hear me. And I didn't make any awkward sounds in the restroom either. All of a sudden the audience just heard a huge "FLUSH!!!!"Which is why the sound guys didnt have time to turn off the mic. And they apologized to me afterwards, but it was embarrassing. Now it's funny.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39489) - you deserved it (12936)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:19am - love - by FootInMouth (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

So_Yeah's comment about their FML

OP, mhm, actually. Me and my brothers joke around like that all the time, we're close enough to mess with each other and not let it bother us. And his wife (uhm, soon to be ex), I always thought, was one of the sweetest people in the world, so I never expected this. Yus, my foot is firmly in my mouth, and Imma leave it there a while so I don't say anything else stupid any time soon -.-

See all the comments

Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34684) - you deserved it (6702)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Rael (man) - United States (Arizona)

Rael's comment about their FML

Well, the worst part of it was what I saw when I was driving on the way back to my dorm. Somebody driving past with the sticker in the same place mine was. It just pisses me off. Like the guy with the Mustang I see every day. He can't ever get a real parking spot, so he's always parked in the Service Vehicles spot. I never see a ticket on his windshield. This is at NAU, btw. Yes, they are fucktards about this shit.

See all the comments

Today, I thought that I had finally sold the car I've been trying to sell for two years. I had the money in my hand and had given over the title. As the "new" owner went to drive it away, the car wouldn't start. I had to give the money back. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28836) - you deserved it (11063)

On 09/29/2009 at 11:57am - money - by me612 (woman) - United States (Washington)

me612's comment about their FML

It was my car and I did drive it to meet them, they test drove the car, turned it off as we negotiated and then when they went to start it again, it didn't start. Apparently, the fuel pump went out in it. Also, I gave the money back because I would have felt like a jerk for not doing that. And I wish that this was fake...then I wouldn't be out a couple thousand dollars right now.

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40491) - you deserved it (9921)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by Raven3434 - United States (Washington)

Raven3434's comment about their FML

Just to put it out there, he had complete kidney failure. He is now on dialysis. His kidneys are toast and he needs a transplant. Apparently it was caused by years of high blood pressure. His kidneys were in trouble before we even met. And I had been encouraging him to go to the doctor. He had seen a few doctors, but nobody diagnosed him until his lungs were full of fluid.

He can't drink too much fluid because he can't get rid of it without dialysis. He cant eat too many fruits or vegetables because he can't process out the extra phosphate and potassium. He also has to limit his sodium, but that wasn't part of my original post.

Just wanted to clarify things.

Thanks to all of you out there who offered support. Its been a really hard time.

See all the comments

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32254) - you deserved it (4606)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by WhyMe (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

WhyMeAC's comment about their FML

Well, for starters, I'm 99% sure this dude was staring at me because we were standing alone in the annex of the bus terminal, and every time I looked up from my book, he was staring.

Secondly, it was almost midnight and this was the same terminal my boyfriend was held up at gunpoint outside of less than a year ago, so I was already on edge.

Third, I didn't sit down. Because the creepy fuck smiled at me when I got on the bus! I stood. But the fact that the only open seat was next to him seemed worth mentioning in context.

See all the comments

Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you deserved it (2337)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:13am - misc - by GirlFromAus - Australia (Victoria)

GirlFromAus's comment about their FML

guys, I am the OP, so listen up...
my grandpa wasnt actually aware it was happening
he had no say whatsoever
he wasnt planning his own, they planned it FOR him, while he wasnt there

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML


I agree, your life sucks (10788) - you deserved it (28580)

On 09/25/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by rebel_rose (woman) - United States (Iowa)

rebel_rose's comment about their FML

My problem is I try to speak in Russian as I do in English, so some phrases that don't quite translate sound stupid anyways . . so here, I guess I just sounded twice as stupid . . .reason this is an FML is the Japanese guy I like is in this class, and they don't talk that way . . .he wouldn't have known what I said or my mistake, if the teacher hadn't gotten shocked and translated it into English AND Japanese FML lol

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, an injured guest stopped at the front desk of the hotel and raved about my kindness and 'commitment to customer service'. He told my boss about how I'd gone to the ice machine and personally delivered a bag of ice for his injured knee. Guess who got written up for leaving the front desk? FML


I agree, your life sucks (40224) - you deserved it (2170)

On 09/23/2009 at 10:01pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

dragonlady1406's comment about their FML

For the record I work Night Audit, it was 5:50am. The poor man requested a 6:45am wake up call so he could attend his conference. There was no one else available to help the guest. During training two months ago I'd been told 'Customer Service' was 'everything'. Strangely I thought I was doing the right thing. Especially considering one of my official duties is to leave the desk to deliver folio's (bill's) to be placed under the doors of departing guests. As for the 'grammar police' I said 'a injured guest' rather than 'an injured guest' to indicate an individual person, rather than imply I had multiple injured people staying at the hotel were I work.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my plates on my car were stolen. On the way to the police station to file a police report I was pulled over. They impounded my car for driving without a license plate. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35845) - you deserved it (7549)

On 09/23/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

ns0's comment about their FML

Here's the whole story;

I got up one morning for work, went to my car, plates were stolen (just the back). I called the police in SLC, UT (801)-799-3000 (non-emergency). The dispatcher took my information and told me she'd mark the plates as stolen but i'd need to file a report to get a replacement plates from the DMV (the DMV doesn't allow you to get duplicates unless you file a police report for lost/stolen plates so you cant have multiple cars and multiple tags).

The dispatcher told me a police officer could meet me there in an hour however i was already late for work and the police department is about 9 blocks away from my place so i (YDI, i know) decided I would drive down there really quickly and file a report. WITH a police report cops won't impound your car. Without the police report, they do -- and i've come to learn don't give a crap about your story. I was literally 3 blocks away from the police station when it happened.

When I went in and filed a police report (after having to walk the remaining 3 blocks) the police officer told me that I can fight the impound by fighting the charge, and since I now have a valid police report they will refund the impound fee. BTW i got pulled over on my way to the DMV with the police report after I got my car out of the impound and the police officer happily let me go.

Lesson learned, just wait for the cop, but I was in a hurry and late for work.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: