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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

#1949417
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47243) - you deserved it (3231)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:37pm - love - by alicemassie (woman) - United States (New York)

alicemassie's comment about their FML

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications.

I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic.

I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

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Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

#1931106
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70073) - you deserved it (5267)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by bettycrocker (woman) - United States (California)

ClaireB9's comment about their FML

Hey all - I'm the OP.
To answer the most commonly asked question: the trick to keeping cookies fresh for a week is to add an extra tablespoon of vegetable oil to the dough, putting a piece of bread in with them and putting them in the smallest ziploc possible.

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Today, I had a really bad day at work and the only thing that was getting me through the day was the idea of taking a nice, hot, relaxing bath. When I got to my front door there was a shut off notice from the gas company. I won't be taking any hot baths until I come up with the $500 bill. FML

#1908425
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20146) - you deserved it (44534)

On 05/13/2009 at 5:44pm - money - by director416 - United States (Pennsylvania)

director416's comment about their FML

The gas bill includes another security deposit of 150$ and a turn on fee of 50$. So, it was 300$ that I was past due on and I was doing the budget plan which was about 150$ a month. Only 2 months behind. As for the roommate, it's not her fault she lost her job due to down sizing and she is has been getting money from her parents... we've just used it for food. It's not a matter of whether or not I "deserve" to have my gas shut off. I do. I didn't pay the bill. I agree with that. The FML part of it is that my day was crap and then it got even crappier. Stop preaching and just read the stupid FML so you can say "Hey, at least I'm not that poor bastard." Get over yourselves.

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Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

#1903275
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34803) - you deserved it (24248)

On 05/13/2009 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

demonpuppy's comment about their FML

Hey you guys, the OP here! I just wanted to clear some things up. My puppy is very sweet. She has never pulled anyone else while on the leash. She's actually one of the most timid dogs I've ever owned and yes, I have owned dogs before and I know the breed. But because she is a puppy anomaly and doesn't pull, I thought it would be ok for my niece to walk her as I walked next to them. Also, this took place in my fenced off back yard. I do however have a stone terrace, which is where my niece got pulled over on. I know that my niece getting hurt is probably my fault and I've now learned that my puppy goes crazy when there are squirrels in sight.

I've apologized to my sister-in-law. My niece is fine, she was back up and playing within minutes, but her mother wont let her near my puppy and I got a talking to. So, hope that clears some things up for you guys.

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Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

#1901566
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52679) - you deserved it (9300)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by paprgrl421 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

paprgrl421's comment about their FML

He was local, no I didn't respond. I live in a less densely populated area (i.e. small town) so it's very easy to see where he was from. I can even pinpoint his cellular carrier by his area code+***. That's how few places offer cell service in wisconsin

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Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

#1833015
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45096) - you deserved it (3485)

On 05/11/2009 at 12:06am - animals - by progressiveboink (woman) - United States (Texas)

randomoutburst's comment about their FML

(This is my FML, made an account after the submission...)
plethora, orchids run about $20-30 and the cat had eaten ALL of it. Not just the flowers...stem too. So I don't think it's going to grow back. Orchids are delicate. :)

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Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

#1808336
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45875) - you deserved it (19424)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:10am - health - by kimos (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

kimos's comment about their FML

Yup. This was stupid on my part. It was at my ceramics studio where we apparently now have mice. It's a brown mug that I keep in my work area. I should have thought to clean it before I drank but I didn't. Gross.

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Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

#1771675
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60048) - you deserved it (3926)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by matt5th35hit (man) - United States (North Carolina)

matt5th35hit's comment about their FML

And by the way... This was not a FAKE experience. It scared the living shit out of me. I admit...I didn't know anything about the ocean or rip "CURRENTS" but now I do. Thank's for the knowledge guys, I've lived at the beach for 4 years and never swam in the ocean because I didn't like swimming in the ocean. Now u see why. There were NO lifeguards...This was at CAROLINA BEACH!! Just outside of Wilmington NC. If you know me, yup..I'm a dumbass for this. It's funny you say that. The water WAS murky and choppy. It ran along side a big ass pile of rocks that stretched out into the ocean. I didn't want to hit the rocks though for fear of injury. Fighting the rip current was a dumbass idea. After I ran out of energy trying to swim I just gave up and floated on my back and the waves helped push me back to shore. I really didn't give a shit about people seeing my dick. Im a sexy beast. haha

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Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML

#1770851
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49852) - you deserved it (7452)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by LaineyLove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

LaineyLove's comment about their FML

I'm the one who wrote the FML. I'll clear some things up for those of you who think I deserved it. The FMLs have to be short so I couldn't write the whole story. My main symptoms were severe joint and muscle pain along with cramping and headaches. The stomach pain was constant, not just when I ate bread. I had a hard time even digesting vegetables. I went to doctors practically every week and scoured the internet. I was finally "diagnosed" with fibromyalgia and IBS. My first Celiac blood test came back negative, but finally my gastroenterologist figured it out. I'm now gluten-free, and I'm feeling much better (although hungry).

And I'm a pre-med student, so I'm not an idiot. I saw at least 5 different doctors and specialists. I even went to Mayo Clinic. Celiac can be a very difficult diagnosis as the symptoms are often non-specific.

Thanks for all the tips on gluten-free food. It's time for me to start cooking!

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Today, on my last break, a lady comes up to me and asks if she could have a hug because I reminded her of her daughter that died in a car accident 3 years before. Touched, I called my mom to let her know that I loved her. Before I could tell her, she said it was probably a scam and hung up on me. FML

#1743360
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you deserved it (2793)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by bumgirl - United States (California)

bumgirl's comment about their FML

Just to clear things up, I was wearing a smock with nothing in my pockets but a lighter and cigs, both were there afterwards.
I was joking around with her when she was being rang up for gas inside. I was outside smoking when she pulled up after getting her gas and asked my name and asked permission for a hug. I hugged her for a while and she was crying into my shoulder and telling me her daughter was my age when she died, wore her hair the same way, same glasses, same hair color...( I do believe her because she looked alot like my mom..)

Also, to clarify what had happened, I called my mom to tell her I loved her, but I told her what had happened first, and she was just a scam and I should be more careful and hung up before I got the chance to tell her I loved her.

Yes, this happened in a city, but where I live is actually just a great big town with a lot people, very low crime rate...People are nice. Pickpockets aren't something you have worry about here.

Also she was by herself, so there's no way she had a pickpocket accomplice plus we were outside!

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Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

#1714472
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52465) - you deserved it (6650)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Kels20's comment about their FML

Ok... I'm the lady who raised the ducks and I'm not an idiot.
1. at my lake all the female ducks except 2 have been killed or something and only males are left. So I raised some in hope of balancing the equation and hopefully see some chicks within a while.
2. I've done this before, and ducks are wild, so they have know how to survive without me, the other ones did great, but they turned out to be all male except one female, so that's why I tried again the next year. And the ducks that are born in the wild at my lake are hand fed by the people that live here and aren't scared, they run to you thinking that you have bread.
3. I found out later that the dogs that had killed the ducks had also killed some ones kittens, and a cat as well as another small dog. They are now in the animal shelter because they were dangerous.
4. My sisters were upset but next year I'll just get some more, I enjoy watching them grow, and they other four ducks are doing great, surviving like all the other ducks. :) so yeah, not an idiot, just wanted to clear that up. I thought the story would make some people laugh... so I shared it.

Have a nice day... God bless.

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Rhyno's comment about their FML

To explain a bit more in detail, I pulled a U-Turn and the dog ran out of the yard and boom... It was a medium sized dog, I drive an SUV and didn't see it as I was making the turn. I didn't even know they had a dog... haha
The following 20 minutes were probably the most uncomfortable of my life, after I knew the dog was fine I kinda laughed nervously and left.
"Hi I'm the guy who is dating your daughter, sorry about the dog"... Live and you learn.

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