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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

#1771675
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60039) - you deserved it (3926)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by matt5th35hit (man) - United States (North Carolina)

matt5th35hit's comment about their FML

And by the way... This was not a FAKE experience. It scared the living shit out of me. I admit...I didn't know anything about the ocean or rip "CURRENTS" but now I do. Thank's for the knowledge guys, I've lived at the beach for 4 years and never swam in the ocean because I didn't like swimming in the ocean. Now u see why. There were NO lifeguards...This was at CAROLINA BEACH!! Just outside of Wilmington NC. If you know me, yup..I'm a dumbass for this. It's funny you say that. The water WAS murky and choppy. It ran along side a big ass pile of rocks that stretched out into the ocean. I didn't want to hit the rocks though for fear of injury. Fighting the rip current was a dumbass idea. After I ran out of energy trying to swim I just gave up and floated on my back and the waves helped push me back to shore. I really didn't give a shit about people seeing my dick. Im a sexy beast. haha

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Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML

#1770851
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49844) - you deserved it (7452)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by LaineyLove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

LaineyLove's comment about their FML

I'm the one who wrote the FML. I'll clear some things up for those of you who think I deserved it. The FMLs have to be short so I couldn't write the whole story. My main symptoms were severe joint and muscle pain along with cramping and headaches. The stomach pain was constant, not just when I ate bread. I had a hard time even digesting vegetables. I went to doctors practically every week and scoured the internet. I was finally "diagnosed" with fibromyalgia and IBS. My first Celiac blood test came back negative, but finally my gastroenterologist figured it out. I'm now gluten-free, and I'm feeling much better (although hungry).

And I'm a pre-med student, so I'm not an idiot. I saw at least 5 different doctors and specialists. I even went to Mayo Clinic. Celiac can be a very difficult diagnosis as the symptoms are often non-specific.

Thanks for all the tips on gluten-free food. It's time for me to start cooking!

See all the comments including 12 other original poster's reactions

Today, on my last break, a lady comes up to me and asks if she could have a hug because I reminded her of her daughter that died in a car accident 3 years before. Touched, I called my mom to let her know that I loved her. Before I could tell her, she said it was probably a scam and hung up on me. FML

#1743360
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42262) - you deserved it (2790)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by bumgirl - United States (California)

bumgirl's comment about their FML

Just to clear things up, I was wearing a smock with nothing in my pockets but a lighter and cigs, both were there afterwards.
I was joking around with her when she was being rang up for gas inside. I was outside smoking when she pulled up after getting her gas and asked my name and asked permission for a hug. I hugged her for a while and she was crying into my shoulder and telling me her daughter was my age when she died, wore her hair the same way, same glasses, same hair color...( I do believe her because she looked alot like my mom..)

Also, to clarify what had happened, I called my mom to tell her I loved her, but I told her what had happened first, and she was just a scam and I should be more careful and hung up before I got the chance to tell her I loved her.

Yes, this happened in a city, but where I live is actually just a great big town with a lot people, very low crime rate...People are nice. Pickpockets aren't something you have worry about here.

Also she was by herself, so there's no way she had a pickpocket accomplice plus we were outside!

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Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

#1714472
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52456) - you deserved it (6650)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Kels20's comment about their FML

Ok... I'm the lady who raised the ducks and I'm not an idiot.
1. at my lake all the female ducks except 2 have been killed or something and only males are left. So I raised some in hope of balancing the equation and hopefully see some chicks within a while.
2. I've done this before, and ducks are wild, so they have know how to survive without me, the other ones did great, but they turned out to be all male except one female, so that's why I tried again the next year. And the ducks that are born in the wild at my lake are hand fed by the people that live here and aren't scared, they run to you thinking that you have bread.
3. I found out later that the dogs that had killed the ducks had also killed some ones kittens, and a cat as well as another small dog. They are now in the animal shelter because they were dangerous.
4. My sisters were upset but next year I'll just get some more, I enjoy watching them grow, and they other four ducks are doing great, surviving like all the other ducks. :) so yeah, not an idiot, just wanted to clear that up. I thought the story would make some people laugh... so I shared it.

Have a nice day... God bless.

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Rhyno's comment about their FML

To explain a bit more in detail, I pulled a U-Turn and the dog ran out of the yard and boom... It was a medium sized dog, I drive an SUV and didn't see it as I was making the turn. I didn't even know they had a dog... haha
The following 20 minutes were probably the most uncomfortable of my life, after I knew the dog was fine I kinda laughed nervously and left.
"Hi I'm the guy who is dating your daughter, sorry about the dog"... Live and you learn.

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Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

#1657723
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54755) - you deserved it (2920)

On 05/05/2009 at 9:55am - misc - by Lelia701 (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Lelia701's comment about their FML

Why does everyone think only a guy can buy a home? You know what they say about people who assume. 1. I’m female. 2. I’m a 25 year old graduate student with plenty of friends and wouldn’t even know how to play D&D. 3. I live in a city where buying a house in a nice area would cost 3 times as much so duh of course I bought a condo. .

But thanks to those who understand what its like to have shit attack your house! The adjuster comes today at least.

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Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

#1650776
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62629) - you deserved it (9275)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by penisface69 (man) - United States (California)

penisface69's comment about their FML

I am gay. and he meant it would be awkward to go out with me, but he'd still fuck me if i wanted. meaning im not good for anything besides sex.

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Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

#1650776
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62629) - you deserved it (9275)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by penisface69 (man) - United States (California)

penisface69's comment about their FML

he said it would be awkward if we went out cause hes a freshman and im a junior. and it wasnt spontaneous. i told him i was bored and he told me to go masturbate and i told him im sick of masturbating and he was like what? how is taht even possible? and i was like well ive been doing it for half a decade. it gets old. i need a boyfriend.

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Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML

#1579483
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57274) - you deserved it (3338)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

dragonslayer's comment about their FML

We met in Europe, and I currently live in England and my parents live in the States, so that's why they haven't met her yet. I still proposed, and she said yes. And yes, my dad was calling her ugly.

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Today, I paid 11 dollars to see the new Wolverine movie. I arrived an hour early and waited patiently for the movie to start. 3 minutes before it began, a drunk guy stumbled in and took the last empty seat in the theater... next to me. He talked to me the whole movie. FML

#1518311
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53139) - you deserved it (7736)

On 05/01/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by 21yearoldvirgin (woman) - United States (California)

21yearoldvirgin's comment about their FML

Just to clarify/answer all the questions, I did go with friends, I was on the end of the line of friends. And I was one of the last to show up, people got there 2 hours early. And I do live in CA. Movies are expensive. Like others said though, I don't think it ruined my life, it was just an unlucky occurrence. And yes he did smell lol. And not that it matters, but I'm a girl. And a wimp. ;)

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Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML

#1450891
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49885) - you deserved it (6803)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:38am - misc - by voltumna (woman) - United States (Maine)

voltumna's comment about their FML

As the OP, a few extra points:
I'm female, he was about a foot taller than me, I'd come home from an 8 hour shift, and I called the cops once I'd moved down the street to a safe distance. If there had been people around, I'd have stood up to him, but I didn't want to add mugging to an already shitty day. But, at #29, I'll totally try that next time!

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Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

#1415405
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13704) - you deserved it (62132)

On 04/28/2009 at 3:47am - work - by jdubious (man) - United States

jdubious's comment about their FML

OK, here is the story.

I work as an auto service tech at a dealership. We have a big board of keys for the customer cars. It is set up this way because the techs, advisers, valets and wash guys all need quick access to the keys. I was pulling this customers car into the shop for repairs.

Every pepper spray I have ever seen(before yesterday) has come in an upright cylinder. They spray at a right angle and are equipped with a snap down style trigger safety at the top. They often come in a leather holster. There is no mistaking what these are.

This particular pepper spray was in a small torpedo shaped, red case. The case was colored but it was clear as well. I could just make out the cylinder through the plastic. I mistook the cylinder as a AA battery which supported my flashlight theory. The trigger was a spring loaded, slide-forward type and it was located on the side of the case. The trigger didn't have an active safety and it resembled a switch. Also, this device discharged straight out the end. Check out the website I've included
(down at the bottom) to see the real thing. Look at the refills as well and you can see the bottom does in fact look like a battery.

First, I pointed the device away from me and pushed down on the button and nothing happened. Then I noticed that the lever slid forward, again nothing happened. I was starting to wonder what the hell kind of flashlight this was. With the lever still slid forward it I looked into the end(to see if it even had a bulb in it) and it discharged into my eye. In order to discharge you had to slide forward then push down. This is their so called "automatic safety".

The pain was pretty intense! My coworker guided to the water hose where I flushed my eyes and face for about 20 minutes. As long as I had cool water on my face the pain was manageable. As soon as I took the water away it did in fact feel as if my face was on fire. After I felt slightly better, my right eye was all bloodshot and face was all red. One coworker said it looked like I got hit with a softball. Within 45 minutes there was no pain at all and my face had pretty much returned to normal.

THE GOOD:

I only took a short .25 second burst

I sprayed myself in the face and spared my coworkers

There was a water hose nearby

THE BAD:

I took a .25 second burst of pepper spray!

It hit me right in the eye

It burned like a bastard

THE UGLY:

My face just after the whole ordeal


#3 Yep, that's me

#4 I like gadgets

#6 I would post to youtube myself if I had the footage

#10 THANK YOU!

#13 I truly feel your pain

#14 see #13

#19 Sure did, and to top it all off it is called "The Spitfire"

#24 THANK YOU! I guess the rest of you a-holes would pepper spray the key cutting guy for looking at your Welcome to Las Vegas keychain

#31 A guy who totally gets the point of this story

#39 THANK YOU!

#48 A very accurate description

#49 I understand your thinking but this did happen just yesterday, and I'm the jackass who did it

#50 A very valid point

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Today, while working at Wendy's my boss approached me and told me the District Manager wanted to talk to me. I had been given a substantial raise the day before so I thought he was going to promote me to manager. Wrong, he told me I was being fired for eating a 99 cent cheeseburger. FML

#1411482
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43339) - you deserved it (14723)

On 04/28/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

pokandy's comment about their FML

Clear some things up. I had been working there for 4 1/2 years. Everyone at the store eats on the job and I was the only one to get fired. Never had any disiplinary problems before. The Store owners 14 year old son saw me eat the burger while working and told his dad who in turn told the DM. My regular manager didnt even know about it and was as blindsided as me. I offered to pay for the burger even double or triple for it but my DM could not see it any other way and canned my ass. O well. FML

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