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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
923 comments

I agree, your life sucks (344021) - you deserved it (38469)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

creepermagnet's comment about their FML

Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site.

First off, there was NO second date. My God.

Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine.

He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???"

I haven't spoken to him since.

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Today, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch. As I was parking, one of their cell phones accidentally called mine. As I walked to the restaurant, I listened in as some of my best friends discussed all the things they hate about me. FML

#836260
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80338) - you deserved it (4505)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

lespaul's comment about their FML

I posted this FML and just wanted to say that

A) I am, in fact, a guy and these are guy friends

B) The phone was on the table, not in a pocket.

C) one of them literally is my best friend for the past 4 years and

D) one of them came over later on that day and we had a long talk about it and mended things up.

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Today, while at work at Wendy's, a lady came through the drive-thru with her kid. As I was handing them their order, her child points to me and exclaims "mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to work at places like this when you get older". FML

#831048
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51727) - you deserved it (9160)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:13am - work - by Frosty (man) - United States (Georgia)

r_frost20's comment about their FML

I posted this comment yesterday as frosty. I just thought I'd clear up a few things for the repliers.

Yes, I agree the job is lame. I'm a co-manager, though, and it pays well for what it is. I made 38000 dollars last year

I'm only 22.

I've worked there since I was 15. Way too long.

I am a college student. I attend the Savannah College of Art and Design, which is quite a prestigious art school. I'm an animation/sound design major (Dual major). My current GPA is a 3.55

I have a full scholarship since my high school academics were pretty good.

I posted this because even I thought it was hilarious.

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Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

#814481
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37034) - you deserved it (73592)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:48am - work - by 00Evan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

00Evan's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm the original poster. I think comment #78 has the right idea - I wasnt saying it in a rude way, just sort of jokingly, since the last few people had all said toasted. Was just putting theirs in the oven and getting her order at the same time.

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Today, I went and got a spray on tan. I forgot to push the hair cap up. A few hours later, I was completely tan, except for the top half of my forehead was pasty white. It will last for five days. FML

#796309
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9777) - you deserved it (57017)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by missblair - United States (Texas)

missblair's comment about their FML

The tan actually looked really good, not orange.
And I don't go tanning all the time. That was the first time ever.
Just wanted to for prom.
And I did get front bangs.

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Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

#779437
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69151) - you deserved it (7262)

On 04/03/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by sodaxpopxhiccups (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

sodaxpopxhiccups's comment about their FML

I can't help how I react when I see a spider. It's just an instant thing. I was bitten when I was little and broke out in a serious rash, so I freak out every time I see one now. Actually, I never really scream about anything, which is why my husband was in such a hurry to see what was wrong with me.

And yes, he did just barrel in. We have a small bathroom, so the second he was in the door, he ran right into me and flung me into the tub. Looking back on it, even though it was just this morning, is really, very hysterical, and I'm still laughing about it. My nose hurts like you wouldn't believe, but it's still one of the funniest stories we have.

#35
Your comment made me laugh so hard that my stomach and head hurts now. ;D Thank you for that brilliant response. :]

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Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML

#698635
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74106) - you deserved it (7872)

On 03/30/2009 at 5:06am - intimacy - by budussy (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

budussy's comment about their FML

He was playing eve-online and he had his speakers on listening in the background what other people were saying. Then one of them called out his in game name and thats when it happened. He did come back and finish though.

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Today, I got home to find my mom sitting in the kitchen reading the mail. I saw an empty bottle of Absolut peach vodka on the counter. Surprised, I picked it up and said " wow, who drinks this?". Her reply was "Why don't you tell me, i found it in your room." FML

#615292
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12673) - you deserved it (70612)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by izerz - United States (Virginia)

izerz's comment about their FML

OKAY just to clarify some things.. because i am the one who posted this... i am 18 ... im a GIRL... and yes it was mine... i had left it in a bag months ago and when my mom was taking my laundry found it... and peach vodka? its actually quite good if you mix it with the right things.. esp cran juice, orange juice, and redbull.. i know its a lot.. but being a girl.. i dont really like hard liquor.. just the effects of it lol

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Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

#613226
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24058) - you deserved it (76735)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)

ohhotdamn's comment about their FML

ok first of all, i didnt really meant to say id never met him, because i actually did meet him once it was just informal, and i didnt meet him over the internet or something dumb like that. and i think its fixed because i told him the situation with my other friend and he said it was ok. and yes it is very common for girls to call each other sluts as a joke, even though it is kinda dumb to do.

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Truan's comment about their FML

OP here

I'll clear a few things. First off, no I'm not that dude who got a comment from his girl's grandfather. Although that would be great, it's not me.
Second...as for our inability to do it...well I didn't have a clear view. and I couldn't get a good grip on the ball because I fingerbanged her prior, so my hand was...well you get it
her hands were lubed up, so same problem. I couldn't see them well enough to unhook them, and she couldn't do a damn thing with them either. It took about 5 minutes before we decided to call anyone.
My brother and dad weren't in the house, and obviously if I called a friend, my mom would have to show them in

I got the tongue ring for my 18th birthday (2 weeks ago), so obviously moving out isn't going to be an instant thing.

Oh and my mom's a nurse, so she just looked at us both staring at her awkwardly, laughed, and undid it.
We haven't spoke about it since.

Honestly, I think it's pretty funny. What's really funny is those of you idiots who don't understand the exhilaration of a piercing.

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Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

#570917
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60250) - you deserved it (14681)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:46am - misc - by Kuu (man) - United States (Florida)

KuuKuso's comment about their FML

Original poster here. Just wanted to clear up a few things:

I'm really not upset about it. It kind of got to me when it happened but I got over it pretty quickly. The only thing that upset me was the fact that I told him that if he wasn't interested, I'd still like to be friends and he completely disregarded that. Ultimately, I just wanted to make my first FML, lol.

#17, #18 - He had already seen two of my pictures, but a 3rd one was slightly more revealing, and that was what did me in!

#13 - Ouch! That must have been AWKWARD to say the least. :/

#12 and #15 - I don't mind if you think that way. It's a free country, we're entitled to our opinions, after all. But you know what they say... usually the loudest homophobes are closet cases themselves! ;)

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Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

#570186
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75081) - you deserved it (6365)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Mkester - United States (California)

Mkester's comment about their FML

To clarify, they went through pretty much every drawer in the house, so I would have had to lock it in a safe or something, I suppose.

And, it was Metallica :P

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Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40458) - you deserved it (150849)

On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Mason_Jayson - United States (Iowa)

Mason_Jayson's comment about their FML

This is my FML. In my UNDESERVED defense...I do have a little OCD, I work in healthcare and automatically want to help when I see something like that, and there may have been a few beers involved. I'm not a pervert and have never done anything like that before (and you had better believe since). And for those who are curious: the mole was on her shoulder and the hair I touched was down by her shoulderbladeish area. This sucker was LONG.

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