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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54970) - you deserved it (7750)

On 05/11/2011 at 12:59am - health - by vaalcrawford - Canada (Ontario)

vaalcrawford's comment about their FML

it obvs got in my system while i was sleeping. and if theyre poisinous then thats why i had to puke. nd yes i have seen the human centipede, no it was an actual centipede. i cried when i saw it it was fucking disgusting.

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Today, in the subway, a man ran up to me, grabbed me, and starting hugging me. He wouldn't stop hugging me, and his grip was too tight. I don't know what's worst, basically being harassed, or not being able to remember the last time I was hugged. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31946) - you deserved it (3430)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:55pm - misc - by whyme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

sosad1818's comment about their FML

lol hi guys its the OP. Sorry for not being specific, but ye he was kinda crazy. And I tried to get him off me, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I just got off at the next spot.

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Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12257) - you deserved it (30019)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:33pm - work - by 19apollo91 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

19apollo91's comment about their FML

The challenge was to create a protocol for measuring the thickness of double and triple glazed windows (none of which open) around the company's building. Nothing to do with our actual jobs, most of us just figured it was a trick to get the new guys caught staring out of windows. He won't tell me his method...

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Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35355) - you deserved it (9225)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:24pm - misc - by kimftwxox - United Kingdom

kimftwxox's comment about their FML

Yeah I know it was stupid, but I'm a good person.. I help work at social care and I hate seeing people upset. It was all in good intention, fair enough I maybe shouldn't have spoke to him and I deserved what I got I was only trying to be nice in the end. And saying I copied jesus' story is pathetic.

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Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32205) - you deserved it (24962)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:30pm - misc - by spekledworf - United States (Massachusetts)

spekledworf's comment about their FML

i had a panic attack and started to stutter out of nervousness, and just said fuck it and gave up

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Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36141) - you deserved it (3439)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by rockyrocket (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

rockyrocket's comment about their FML

hey guys, I didn't have room to write this in my post, but I was visiting another town 60 minutes away from mine, so I couldn't just go home and wait, and the office was closed that day so I couldn't wait there bebcause no one would be there until the orthodontist arrived. So I was pretty much out of luck :p

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Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (17951)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:53am - love - by HFCS (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

HFCS's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, this is the OP here. I didn't intend to create a profile or reply to any of this, but I just checked it for the first time since posting, and I'm kind of blown away.

First off, I'd really, honestly like to thank everyone for being so nice about this. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this has been great. Thank you.

I find the results of this FML to be pretty interesting. It seems like well over 90% of the girls that have commented think that I did the right thing and that it's more of the girl's loss than mine that she "let such a sweet guy go". For the guys, I think it's intriguing that it falls into either "Yeah, you f'ed up, buddy. Your fault for letting that happen" or "Yeah, this just happened to me too. I feel you, man". And, of course, a few people attacking me like I'm some kind of villain in this scenario and was insincere about my feelings and intentions, like I was trying to manipulate her or something.

This actually happened a year ago (when I was 22), and it was my first "almost" relationship. I've always been a pretty lonely, introverted guy, and the thought of having a girlfriend has always been pretty ridiculous for me because I know that girls just don't tend to be interested in geeky, bookish fellows like myself, despite our generally kind demeanours. Maybe that'll change one day, but probably not for a while. I like to think I'm like the Toyota Corolla of guys: a very reliable, low-maintenance choice, but probably too boring at an age when what you want is excitement.

Then, this girl came into my life, and I had one of the happiest months I've ever known while spending time with her. We got along great, spent a lot of time together doing all the lovey-dovey stuff that young relationships have (cooking for each other, having tea breaks together from studying), eventually getting to sleeping over in each others' beds and making out (which, for a guy with little make out experience, is pretty glorious, I've gotta say). Yeah, sure, I know, it was only a month, but when you've spent your entire life alone, this seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I was really excited about what this relationship could hold for me.

Then there was this other guy that the girl's friends knew, and they met. I'm not really sure on what the details were about the whole thing, but he also appeared to be a "sweet guy" type, and he seemed to have greater support and social connection with the girl through her friends (I, of course, didn't, since I don't really have too many friends and met her as a classmate). I met him one time, and I didn't really think too much of it; after talking with him, I thought he was a generally nice person, but not terribly bright and kind of one-dimensional (he seemed to be all about rock climbing or something).

One morning at 2AM, I'm lying in bed, and I get the phone call as described in my FML. I listen to what's being said to me in perfect polite silence, but I can feel my heart getting stressed like it's about to get pulled apart. I was also torn about what to say. "Do I tell her to pick me?" "Do I tell her that I love her?" "WHAT DO I DO?" I couldn't decide what I could do about this (after all, can you force someone to love you?), so I told her to choose whoever would make her happiest. If nothing else, I thought that if at least she didn't pick me, she would still be happy, and it felt like the most correct thing to say at that moment. I know we hadn't been going out for a long time, but I was still confident that I was a better choice for her than this other guy. I thought I could do better than him, and I thought that she knew that.

Well, at 4AM, I get a text from her. She had been up late thinking about it, and she told me that she decided to go with him, ending the text message with "I'm so sorry". After reading that text, I could feel my heart dissolving into little bits, my chest aching like someone was stepping on it. I didn't think it was supposed to hurt that much when you get rejected like that, but it did. I was going to have to return to my old state of loneliness and solitude, defeated by this other guy.

As time went by, I started to get over it, but it still left a wound. I'm happy that she's still happy and together with the guy (even though I still think I could do better than him), but I'm still hurt that given the choice, I wasn't taken (ESPECIALLY since it was pretty much my first relationship after being alone for so long).

One year later, here I am, no other girls in sight (pretty much as predicted), and I still wondered if I did the right thing. Browsing FML, I decide "What the hey, why not?" and post the story to see what reaction I'd get. And now I know.

So, thanks, everyone. You've been great in helping me get some perspective on this.

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Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30597) - you deserved it (4415)

On 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm - kids - by heathersmorin - United States (New York)

heathersmorin's comment about their FML

I only talking to one person here and it's this dumb bitch above you! If you don't like it, find yourself another FML. No one said you had to sit here in read this one. This is a community place. I have the right to post comments just as much as you do!

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Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (3841)

On 04/07/2011 at 6:19am - health - by meh. (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

meh_dot's comment about their FML

Since I am now bored, drunk and everybody has loooong ceased to care, I'm going to actually respond to make myself feel a little bit better and no one else.

@#105: Hell no! That I don't wish on anybody in the world (for the poor old lady on wikipedia it's too late of course). It's only acrokeratosis, but still...

@all the religious numbskulls who were offended by that one word an anonymous guy posted somewhere on the internet and their opponents who thought that was a nice point to start another massive debate, which doesn't really come as a surprise, but come on! story goes like this: my hyper-esoteric mom found that with all the science and doctors and stuff, her side was kinda underrepresented. So she NAGGED me into seeing some healer dude who basically wished the lesions away, intensely so. Yeah right. Might as well have drawn pentagrams or sacrificed goats or prayed to a wizard in the sky for all the good that did. For me: same thing really. Not a bad thing that is, but it only works if you genuinely believe in it. Like that placebo effect thingie. I chose the witchcraft for convenience mainly and because it contrasted the other useless measures nicely.

@the [do not want]-lick comments: haha. If it's funny the first time, it must be so next time too, right? Point is, if I had put my tounge in an inapropriate place, I would have posted so, with much pride. And everybody could have hit that 'deserved it' button to no end. That's why I specifically wrote unknown reasons. And why would I lick toads? They'd be effing hard to find in this climate but the weed and funny mushrooms grow well and everybody's quite laid-back about it. So there.

@#102: Yes! Love it! And it's so accurate. See kids, this is how mutations work on humans in real life. And then you surf the web and mess up natural selection with online dating (not that I did). Hur hur hur.

@everybodies genuinely empathic statements & ironic comments. Thx a lot! Heartwarming; made my day.

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Today, my boyfriend and I flew to another country to see a concert. He said he'd carry all the cash and tickets in his wallet, so I left my bag at the hotel. He got so drunk, five minutes into the show he took off leaving me stranded in a strange city with no means of getting back to the hotel. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30498) - you deserved it (11145)

On 04/06/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by givemechange - United Kingdom (Belfast)

givemechange's comment about their FML

Im the OP. Here's a bit more information on what happened, as the fml format only allows 300 characters.

We were going to a Slayer and Megadeath show, so I dont know if anyone who said "bring your purse, der," has ever been to a heavy metal show, but its not exactly the safest place to be carrying around a bag as it can easily be lost/stolen/ripped off of you in the craziness of the mosh pit. Also, it was Barcelona, which is notorious for pick pockets/thieves.

The reason I gave my boyfriend all my money/ticket is because we live togather, have been dating for a long time, obviously I trust him, and know that he can take care of himself as he is trained in JuJitsu and MMA. Not that kind of guy you would pick pocket.

And for whomever said " Why didnt you just follow him, der," well that would be because his stupid ass left me while I was in the bathroom and he was suppose to be waiting outside holding my drink.

I did have my key to the hotel room, which was my only life line, and eventually found a cab driver nice and sympathetic enough to take me back to the hotel free of charge, because at this point I was cleary distraut.

Yes, my boyfriend was selfish, moronic, careless and a being a drunk bafoon, but the story has a happy ending, I'm alive and well. ( And this was the first time anything like this has ever happened.)

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Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33982) - you deserved it (2648)

On 03/31/2011 at 7:31am - misc - by myselfami (woman) - United States (Washington)

myselfami's comment about their FML

Okay, I was pretty unclear about specifics on this FML. The runner was barely tapped by the front bumper of my car. He fell, got back up, and limped off somewhere. The guy that was behind me doesn't have insurance. I have five stitches in my forehead from bashing it against the steering wheel. Kind of wish I wouldn't have stopped, honestly.

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Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33292) - you deserved it (2679)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)

Kingspin's comment about their FML

...How would I explain the third degree burns and traces of bacon grease? And he ran off luckily.

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Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42410) - you deserved it (5726)

On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia

Angel1000168's comment about their FML

Ok, guys, OP here.
In answer to all the questions/statements about which was smaller, it was the ring. Sorry for not making that clear.
And he didn't stink the ring around his balls, he sticky-taped it. My fingers are not that big. Sorry about not making that clear either but the limited words made that tricky.
I said no, of course, as I don't want a man that thinks I have that sort of mind or personality. I have gone through every aspect of my relationship with that man and haven't found anything that suggested that I wanted to be proposed to in that manner.

Thanks for all your advice!

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