Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

#3393959
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48300) - you deserved it (4357)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

dfan13's comment about their FML

Hey, original poster here..

He wasnt trying to see me naked. We have a shower curtain where u can see out if ur in the shower but cant see in if your out. And i did almost die because i cracked my head open.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML

#3272102
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47622) - you deserved it (3320)

On 06/27/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

lmsquadritolaux's comment about their FML

Ok everyone. I originally posted this FML as anonymous and didn't think it would make the cut. But it looks like I got a huge response.

IT IS TRUE for all of you haters. My husband has been battling with this stone since September and he FINALLY passed it (after numerous X-rays and CT scans, ER visits, and going to see a specialist). It wasn't the size of a fist (like some of you had said) but it was pretty large considering it had to come out of a tiny hole :). It is not tiny by any means!!! It's decorative life on my kitchen counter will be limited because his urologist wants to analyze it. THANK GOD!

As to how he got it out of the toilet for everyone who asked: He didn't pee into his hand...gross. It came out and he reached in the toilet with a gallon sized plastic bag covering his hand so he wouldn't be soaked in piss. His urologist gave him a strainer but that was on display in my bathroom for months and I threw it out...GO FIGURE! That strainer was huge though, how was he suppose to carry it around with him to piss in? On a chain around his neck?! The stone was easy to find because his was multi-colored (brown/black, and off-white). It has spike like features which looks scary and painful.

He was going to get it blasted for everyone who still doesn't believe. The procedure is $10,000....and we don't have that kind of money (I'm sure our insurance would have covered some of it). Plus the blasting is not always successful. Every time my husband thought about getting it blasted, the stone would move around (just like a baby, lol) and he would be pissing blood for days.

I had fun reading everyones comments. Hopefully, I answered all of the questions.

Lea, Brad, and Brad's kidney stone :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML

#3267613
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49463) - you deserved it (13015)

On 06/27/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by LoLLightning (woman) - United States (Florida)

LoLLightning's comment about their FML

OP here, okay for all of those who are retarded and have never tried to submit an FML before, you only get 300 characters. Most people can put together that I got my food, went home, and put the drink on my window sill and fell asleep. I wasn't exactly thinking that the ice melted when I was more than half asleep and thirsty. I'm sorry that I can't describe my experience in intricate detail for all the retards that don't understand normal human talk. Thank you very much.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

#3258248
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49344) - you deserved it (2961)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by bloodynose (woman) - United States (New York)

chunkynose's comment about their FML

lol the mashed potatoes I had were kind of chunky, and so after I threw up, there were still bits of it left in my nose. I had to blow my nose to get them out, and so I blew chunks of taters out my nose into the tissue.

my mom almost fainted. :)

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

#3139134
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41343) - you deserved it (10069)

On 06/23/2009 at 3:21am - kids - by DntH8 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

DntH8's comment about their FML

I'm a poor college student so spending several thousand dollars on camera is way out of my budget. Trust me. It wasn't my idea to use my SLR. And if I had had it my way I'd have told my family members to shove it and put their own camera in the line of fire.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

#3086245
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35106) - you deserved it (2553)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Carly_Michelle - Australia (Queensland)

Carly_Michelle's comment about their FML

OK, yeah I posted this on the way home. I got home a showered instantly. Yes I am a minor. No I didn't take a drink from his beer, and I don't know why this got accepted. I am not an FML worker. Who gives a shit? If you didn't like it you didn't have to comment, or even read it. I really couldn't care less what you guys say, I just wanted to set some things straight. But yeah thanks for comments, so much! It only gives this FML more popularity.

/End rant.

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went for a really important job interview. She loved my portfolio and we got along really well. But I guess that a corner of my skirt got caught underneath my shoe when I stood up to shake her hand, exposing my teenytiny underwear and neglected bikini line. She didnt shake my hand back. FML

#2988624
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39591) - you deserved it (8926)

On 06/18/2009 at 5:01am - work - by ChrissiOfTheHill (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

ChrissiOfTheHill's comment about their FML

My skirt was knee-length and flowy (Im am artist and am therefore not required to dress like a square) and yes i was in-between waxings so it wasnt a jungle down there...just...neglected as I said haha And I dont think Im gonna get that job...you shoulda seen her face!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my family and I were checking into Dubai airport. I had already checked in and was waiting with my brother and sister near a pillar for my parents. I leaned on the pillar and hit my elbow on the fire alarm. A bunch of airport officials ran towards me and asked where the fire was. FML

#2880509
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32327) - you deserved it (13129)

On 06/14/2009 at 7:14am - misc - by hdmi (man) - Tanzania United Republic of (Dar es Salaam)

hdmi's comment about their FML

you guys, there's a word limit...
i couldn't say that at least 500 people looked at me as though i killed someone, plus the officials were all pakistani so i had to translate what happened...then my grandma started shoutin at me for being a fool
and Dubai airport is toooooo big...

See all the comments

Today, I went out with a group of friends. I hadn't gone out in a few months since my fiancé left me. They promised me there wouldn't be drinking and would just be video game stuff. By 10pm, everyone was wasted, I got thrown up on and I had to walk home fifteen blocks. FML

#2874379
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39396) - you deserved it (4935)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by driezal (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

driezal's comment about their FML

To all those that commented: "Why didn't you drink too? Party pooper!"

Actually, I'm allergic to alcohol. I did have one drink, but anymore than that and my body starts to go into shock. Then it's a lovely trip to the hospital. Yep, I know, such a party pooper, eh?

Thanks for the nice comments though. You guys get karma points.

See all the comments

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

#2853128
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46130) - you deserved it (21891)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:35am - love - by Michael (man) - United States (West Virginia)

popemichael's comment about their FML

Michael here...

I had to introduce the new girlfriend to the exwife when I picked up my kid. My exwife didn't want my son spending the weekend with me and her if she didn't meet her.

They did end up sharing things about me. However they claim that if I think that's all they talked about that I'm really conceded.

I think I'm more paranoid than conceded, though.

See all the comments

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

#2834674
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19179) - you deserved it (80762)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm - money - by beatenbyabum (man) - United States (Georgia)

beatenbyabum's comment about their FML

Hello Folks, I'm the OP.

Because of the character limit I couldn't get in all the information so I just left the guts of it. The hobo that attacked me is a guy who's come up to me before and has had different stories. He's either: A vietnam vet (despite he's about 30), a broke composer, or the pregnant one. I finally had enough and decided to say something other than "Nope, no change".
I don't care how malnourished anyone is, a swift kick in the nuts and you're going down on the ground. So I've now been beaten by the smelly hobo, The other people at the bus stop were helpful enough to sit there and watch me get beaten and robbed. I've reported it to the cops, so we'll see what happens.

(Keep up the comments, they make me smile, even the rude one's who don't seem to notice their hypocrisy calling me a douche or a dick or whatever when all I did was pretty much the same thing. A hypocrite is a legless man who teaches track.)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I received the final piece of puzzle that my boyfriend of two years has been sending me through the mail for the last week. Turns out, it wasn't a love letter like I originally thought it was. He was breaking up with me via a puzzle through the mail. FML

#2763031
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52140) - you deserved it (3126)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:13am - love - by puzzled (woman) - United States (Ohio)

dynalda's comment about their FML

For clarification, the first part of the letter, which I had pieced together, sounded like it was going to be a love letter. He was talking about how love was a puzzle and usually the pieces fit together perfectly, but sometimes it takes a little bit of work and effort to put together. Then he started talking about our relationship and all the fun times we've had. Then came the last piece. He ended by saying that our puzzle was a waste of time and should have been left out on the table unfinished, where hopefully the pieces would get lost and the puzzle could be thrown away.

See all the comments

Today, my temp agency sent me out for an interview for a great job. The interviewer and I hit it off. She asked if I could start later today. She said she'd call after making up a contract. She didn't call. My temp agency called to tell me the interviewer was fired right after my interview. FML

#2744716
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49137) - you deserved it (2045)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:13pm - work - by BrokeInCT (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

BrokeInCT's comment about their FML

I'm the OP. For the record, I was NOT flirting with the interviewer, nor was she flirting with me. ~Angela~

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: