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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

#5333553
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43035) - you deserved it (2931)

On 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by oh_its_true (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

oh_its_true's comment about their FML

To those who think she made it up to get out of the date...i initially thought the same thing too.

so i said "listen, you dont have to make up some crappy story like you are on Jerry Springer. I am old enough to be told the truth." So then she started crying. Loudly. Which made everyone look at me like I was some jerk for making her cry. She then tells me its all true and she doesnt know what to do.

I tell her maybe jail will straighten her man out and get him straight. I got up and walked out, passing the waitress who was on her way to our table with our drinks (to be fair, she ordered a coke)...i tossed around $40 on the tray and hit the door running. i later remembered that i left my gloves on the table...

that is a totaly true story.

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Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML

#5332010
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33173) - you deserved it (9796)

On 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by calamityjosie (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

calamityjosie's comment about their FML

Yeah, fair enough, OR

1). If I didn't run after the parcel it would have been sent back to the depot (in Bristol!) And would have gone back to America after 1day there! I would have had to pay extortionate posting for it to come back again!

2). Was being picked up at 8 - so yes I absolutely did have to have a shower!

3). If you'd been waiting all day getting restless would you not panic, given that you wouldn't expect out of a 13 hour slot - the parcel comes during the three minute shower you need?!

And yes, it is my own stupidity - that's why it's funny, that I clearly have absolutely no common sense...hence the FML!

To be honest I'd join FML too if all I had time to do with my day was leave criticisms on other people's jokes.
:)

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Today, at my work at a designer clothing store, we received a list of photos from the police of known shoplifters. My coworkers were looking at the list saying "Eugh, look at that one: you'd shoplift with a face like that". I walked over and saw that they were looking at a photo of my boyfriend. FML

#5327810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31859) - you deserved it (5731)

On 09/18/2009 at 3:29am - work - by ellibits (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

ellibits's comment about their FML

Hi, I am the original poster, and I don't think he's ugly; just his mugshot isn't exactly flattering.
But whose is?!
Apparently he used to steal a long time ago to overcompensate being secretly gay.
Whatever, he's no longer my problem.

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Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

#5295691
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36043) - you deserved it (4120)

On 09/16/2009 at 5:28pm - health - by megs2129 (woman) - United States (New York)

megs2129's comment about their FML

It was an expreimental treatment for Endometriosis. And it wasn't only the taste that was bad, it was how it made me feel. There were multiple portions of it, and some sizzled as they went down and stuff like that. The one that made me throw up made me feel like time stopped. I can't explain it, but it was like nothing was right. And it tasted horrible

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Today, I drove by a restaurant I ate at yesterday. I write a food review column for my college paper, and I've tried everything on their menu. They were being closed down today because a large amount of rat droppings was found in their food supplies. FML

#5262594
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36909) - you deserved it (2891)

On 09/14/2009 at 10:32pm - misc - by TampaBayJJ - United States (Florida)

TampaBayJJ's comment about their FML

To clear up a few things.
I only took a few bites of each item on the menu, so do not think I am a glutton.
I never said I write for a college in the united states or even a english speaking college.
I apologize for my poor writing, English is my third language and I am still trying to learn.
The restaurant was very clean and the food looked normal...so I don't know how I could of avoided this situation.
@ #55. I didn't steal anyone's post, unless you think that a bad restaurant experiences has only happened to one person in the whole entirety of the world...

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Today, I overheard mom talking about how my youngest sister was the only one who used the money from the insurance settlement from my dad's death responsibly. I was in my first semester of college when she cashed in mine for a vacation. I had to drop out. FML

#5249765
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47316) - you deserved it (2059)

On 09/14/2009 at 11:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

MomsFavorite's comment about their FML

Sorry, the limits on number of characters made my description a bit light on details.

Dad was killed in a car accident and the insurance co of the driver of the vehicle who hit him paid out a settlement. The amount is really none of your business, but the principal plus returns between settlement and when I started to draw it was enough to cover tuition only for 4+ years. Money was placed in trust for each of us- all of us with mom as custodian, as we were minors.

At that time, unless the minor changes/removes the custodian when they turn the age of majority, the custodian remains indefinetly.

Mom cashes in fund and when I come home for christmas break to get the portion of the money for second semester tuition, says she used the money on a vacation for herself and my loser stepdad. Later I found out she invested it, made a killing and kept it all. She didn't want to put HER money on the line- in case the investment didn't work out. I even got to pay taxes on the capital gains!!

I continued attending college until my SAVINGS was gone and LOANS I qualified for didn't cover expenses (mom was loaded from her part of the settlement and life insurance so I didn't qualify for much) I dropped out.

DECADES later, I overhear her telling someone in our family that my youngest sister is the only one who used the money wisely from the settlement. Apparently, she has been telling everyone that I pissed my part of it away.

Hope that clarifies. I guess having a college education would have given me the skills to change the second "she" to "mom".

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Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

#5191369
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31647) - you deserved it (3868)

On 09/11/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by KarmaGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

ITSALLDAVESFAULT's comment about their FML

Hey! This is a true story people. She got wedged in a ramp comming out of a McDonalds in winter. She slipped, and fell where it was a concrete walled-in ramp. the walls were just tall enough to make it hard. She also had some sort of braces on her ankles....so, she couldn't be rolled to one side or the other, no room to even squeeze in beside her. We actually had a LPN come along who knew how to properly lift someone heavy, and by herself.......I was only trying to help a sister out.....and she was not commando thank god!
For all you who are interested in my afterlife status.....I don't believe in god, and it WAS an accident. I just figure I might be wrong, and no-one is suposed to have seen what I saw....that's all I'm saying people.
KarmaGirl

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Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML

#5185626
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31525) - you deserved it (5394)

On 09/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

sndc's comment about their FML

I am the OP and...
1) whoever said it earlier... I am doing the P90X ab ripper
2) I also have been running 2 miles nearly every other day
3) I have also been going to the gym and taking supplements
4) I'm not fat at all, in fact very skinny
5) This was the girl I liked
6) yes, I squished her back

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Today, I participated in the school play. My family came to see me in the production. All was going well when my dad came up to me and said, "Where the fuck were you? The show sucked." Thanks dad for not recognizing your own daughter. FML

#5178808
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34219) - you deserved it (2442)

On 09/10/2009 at 10:45pm - kids - by Stevieebabyy - United States (Massachusetts)

Stevieebabyy's comment about their FML

Yeah this was in June. - SORRY!
I tried to submit it earlier this year, but it wouldn't work.
And my parent's cuss around me. A lot. lol.
Oh and did I forget to mention? My mom's the one who dragged me to the auditions.

And he came up to me AFTER.

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Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44589) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Udxero's comment about their FML

Okay, I wanted to clarify a few things for some people. During this event, I was in the living room she was in her bedroom. She was actually laying down for bed; this was close to 10:00AM she was supposed to be already sleeping. So I thought she was already asleep. As for the bucket in the potty chair, my wife decided since my daughter is a big girl we would place it in her room, so if she needed to go at night she could. A bad decision on our part I assure you. She removed the bucket herself before the post occurred. Again she was lying down and suppose to be asleep, I did not know she did this either. Needless to say the potty chair is no longer in their room.

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Today, I was doing laundry at college. There was a pile of clothes sitting on top of a dryer, but the dryer was empty so I used it. I came back to a note saying, "Don't touch my laundry, asshole" and a dryer filled with urine soaked laundry. FML

#5134032
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37045) - you deserved it (4245)

On 09/08/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by easrc (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

easrc's comment about their FML

I don't think you understand-the dryer was EMPTY with someone else's clean, dry laundry on top when I got there. I put my stuff in the the dryer and the idiot thought that I took his clothes out when in fact, it took him so long to get his stuff that SOMEONE ELSE took his clothes out, dried their own, AND took their own laundry out again.

To all the people who agree that this is a real FML-Unfortunately the room doesn't have security cameras, but I narrowed it down to 3 possible people based on who I remember being in the hall at the time and the fact that it was mens clothing. The RA and the administration are currently investigating it-hopefully they make the culprit confess!

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Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

#5054381
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44286) - you deserved it (3250)

On 09/05/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by applebearcat (man) - Malaysia (Perak)

applebearcat's comment about their FML

I got that laptop when i went to college at a different state. I needed it to do coursework :p

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Today, I called my girlfriend's parent to ask for her hand in marriage. They were shocked and told me that they would have to refuse. Apparently my girlfriend had told them last week that she had met someone new at work and didn't know how to break it off with me. FML

#5036468
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49037) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/04/2009 at 3:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

robocop123426's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the author of this post. There are a few things I would like to clarify.

First, I am from the south, and it is considered respectful to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage. This is usually just a formality, but it shows the parents a lot of respect. This is usually done in person. This has nothing to do with viewing someone as property. This was just a gesture of goodwill to her parents. Nothing more.

Second, the reason I didn't ask them in person is because I am stationed in Korea for the next year and I won't be able to see them until sometime next year. I WAS planning on asking my ex when I took leave in November so I thought asking over the phone would be ok. But as you can imagine, that isn't going to happen.

Third, the idea of us getting married was her idea. I have been in the military 6 years now and I know what deployments do to relationships. I cared a lot about her and to be honest I still do. This actually happened about 3 weeks ago and it is still shocking since we were together for over 2 years.

But, after reading a few of the post on here, I understand it could have been a lot worst. She could have totaled my car or killed my dog. So thanks for all of the well wishes, I appreciate it.

For those who laughed at this and said that sucks, you know, your right. It does suck. And yes my life sucks (for now)

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