Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I refused to let two students into class because they were 15 minutes late. It turns out they were late because they had gone to buy me a birthday cake. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11143) - you deserved it (66576)

On 05/24/2011 at 5:34pm - work - by LimeyGoodteeth (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

LimeyGoodteeth's comment about their FML

I am the original poster. It was an adult ESOL class. School policy - strictly adhered to - is that students can't be admitted if they are more than 5 minutes late and all students know this. Lateness is disruptive and disrespectful to other students. We all eventually had the cake later anyway!

See all the comments

Today, while trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party I met my mom trying to sneak back in. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34388) - you deserved it (7366)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:28am - misc - by wolfie898 - United States (Texas)

Wolfie898's comment about their FML

my mom is actually divorced

See all the comments

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35008) - you deserved it (2842)

On 05/20/2011 at 11:17am - health - by kekeroos (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

kekeroos's comment about their FML

While it is a public system and I'm bound to encounter plenty of 'weird' people, I would still never expect a 50 something year old professional woman to be picking at her scalp and then eating whatever it is she picks out. And while none of her pickings ended up on me, one good head shake would have changed that very quickly. It would have been Christmas in my lap in May!

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13624) - you deserved it (46155)

On 05/17/2011 at 11:04pm - animals - by kaileigh10 -

kaileigh10's comment about their FML

I agree! How is a baby going to change my life. that was a stupid suggestion.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, our cable, internet, and home phone got shut off because my mother-in-law decided that since we are moving, it was easier to not pay the bill rather than close the account. We're not moving for another month and the account was under my name. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29842) - you deserved it (6101)

On 05/16/2011 at 10:53am - money - by sakurabunny -

sakurabunny's comment about their FML

For the record: I gave her money to pay the bill since she works right next door to the company and i never got the notice's since she's the one who always gets the mail since my husband and I work full time and go to school full time. and before anyone asks what she did with the money, she used it to help pay the deposit on the condo she just moved into...AGAIN FML!!

See all the comments

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53709) - you deserved it (7606)

On 05/11/2011 at 12:59am - health - by vaalcrawford - Canada (Ontario)

vaalcrawford's comment about their FML

it obvs got in my system while i was sleeping. and if theyre poisinous then thats why i had to puke. nd yes i have seen the human centipede, no it was an actual centipede. i cried when i saw it it was fucking disgusting.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, in the subway, a man ran up to me, grabbed me, and starting hugging me. He wouldn't stop hugging me, and his grip was too tight. I don't know what's worst, basically being harassed, or not being able to remember the last time I was hugged. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you deserved it (3421)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:55pm - misc - by whyme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

sosad1818's comment about their FML

lol hi guys its the OP. Sorry for not being specific, but ye he was kinda crazy. And I tried to get him off me, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I just got off at the next spot.

See all the comments

Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12196) - you deserved it (29917)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:33pm - work - by 19apollo91 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

19apollo91's comment about their FML

The challenge was to create a protocol for measuring the thickness of double and triple glazed windows (none of which open) around the company's building. Nothing to do with our actual jobs, most of us just figured it was a trick to get the new guys caught staring out of windows. He won't tell me his method...

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33675) - you deserved it (9044)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:24pm - misc - by kimftwxox - United Kingdom

kimftwxox's comment about their FML

Yeah I know it was stupid, but I'm a good person.. I help work at social care and I hate seeing people upset. It was all in good intention, fair enough I maybe shouldn't have spoke to him and I deserved what I got I was only trying to be nice in the end. And saying I copied jesus' story is pathetic.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30410) - you deserved it (24009)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:30pm - misc - by spekledworf - United States (Massachusetts)

spekledworf's comment about their FML

i had a panic attack and started to stutter out of nervousness, and just said fuck it and gave up

See all the comments

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (3244)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by rockyrocket (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

rockyrocket's comment about their FML

hey guys, I didn't have room to write this in my post, but I was visiting another town 60 minutes away from mine, so I couldn't just go home and wait, and the office was closed that day so I couldn't wait there bebcause no one would be there until the orthodontist arrived. So I was pretty much out of luck :p

See all the comments

Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31254) - you deserved it (17915)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:53am - love - by HFCS (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

HFCS's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, this is the OP here. I didn't intend to create a profile or reply to any of this, but I just checked it for the first time since posting, and I'm kind of blown away.

First off, I'd really, honestly like to thank everyone for being so nice about this. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this has been great. Thank you.

I find the results of this FML to be pretty interesting. It seems like well over 90% of the girls that have commented think that I did the right thing and that it's more of the girl's loss than mine that she "let such a sweet guy go". For the guys, I think it's intriguing that it falls into either "Yeah, you f'ed up, buddy. Your fault for letting that happen" or "Yeah, this just happened to me too. I feel you, man". And, of course, a few people attacking me like I'm some kind of villain in this scenario and was insincere about my feelings and intentions, like I was trying to manipulate her or something.

This actually happened a year ago (when I was 22), and it was my first "almost" relationship. I've always been a pretty lonely, introverted guy, and the thought of having a girlfriend has always been pretty ridiculous for me because I know that girls just don't tend to be interested in geeky, bookish fellows like myself, despite our generally kind demeanours. Maybe that'll change one day, but probably not for a while. I like to think I'm like the Toyota Corolla of guys: a very reliable, low-maintenance choice, but probably too boring at an age when what you want is excitement.

Then, this girl came into my life, and I had one of the happiest months I've ever known while spending time with her. We got along great, spent a lot of time together doing all the lovey-dovey stuff that young relationships have (cooking for each other, having tea breaks together from studying), eventually getting to sleeping over in each others' beds and making out (which, for a guy with little make out experience, is pretty glorious, I've gotta say). Yeah, sure, I know, it was only a month, but when you've spent your entire life alone, this seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I was really excited about what this relationship could hold for me.

Then there was this other guy that the girl's friends knew, and they met. I'm not really sure on what the details were about the whole thing, but he also appeared to be a "sweet guy" type, and he seemed to have greater support and social connection with the girl through her friends (I, of course, didn't, since I don't really have too many friends and met her as a classmate). I met him one time, and I didn't really think too much of it; after talking with him, I thought he was a generally nice person, but not terribly bright and kind of one-dimensional (he seemed to be all about rock climbing or something).

One morning at 2AM, I'm lying in bed, and I get the phone call as described in my FML. I listen to what's being said to me in perfect polite silence, but I can feel my heart getting stressed like it's about to get pulled apart. I was also torn about what to say. "Do I tell her to pick me?" "Do I tell her that I love her?" "WHAT DO I DO?" I couldn't decide what I could do about this (after all, can you force someone to love you?), so I told her to choose whoever would make her happiest. If nothing else, I thought that if at least she didn't pick me, she would still be happy, and it felt like the most correct thing to say at that moment. I know we hadn't been going out for a long time, but I was still confident that I was a better choice for her than this other guy. I thought I could do better than him, and I thought that she knew that.

Well, at 4AM, I get a text from her. She had been up late thinking about it, and she told me that she decided to go with him, ending the text message with "I'm so sorry". After reading that text, I could feel my heart dissolving into little bits, my chest aching like someone was stepping on it. I didn't think it was supposed to hurt that much when you get rejected like that, but it did. I was going to have to return to my old state of loneliness and solitude, defeated by this other guy.

As time went by, I started to get over it, but it still left a wound. I'm happy that she's still happy and together with the guy (even though I still think I could do better than him), but I'm still hurt that given the choice, I wasn't taken (ESPECIALLY since it was pretty much my first relationship after being alone for so long).

One year later, here I am, no other girls in sight (pretty much as predicted), and I still wondered if I did the right thing. Browsing FML, I decide "What the hey, why not?" and post the story to see what reaction I'd get. And now I know.

So, thanks, everyone. You've been great in helping me get some perspective on this.

See all the comments

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29233) - you deserved it (4286)

On 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm - kids - by heathersmorin - United States (New York)

heathersmorin's comment about their FML

I only talking to one person here and it's this dumb bitch above you! If you don't like it, find yourself another FML. No one said you had to sit here in read this one. This is a community place. I have the right to post comments just as much as you do!

See all the comments including 14 other original poster's reactions

FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: