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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

#20132372
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27662) - you deserved it (2160)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:08am - money - by Kallian - Australia

Kallian's comment about their FML

I actually feel much more comfortable on my bike than in a car. When I was 15 someone crashed into the side of my mums car, right where I was sitting. The passenger seat I'd been in was completely crushed. Many of my bones were also crushed. Guess I'm just afraid of getting trapped in a car like that again.

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

#20129164
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34574) - you deserved it (7679)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)

TypeOhNegative's comment about their FML

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI.

To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

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Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

#20125357
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26707) - you deserved it (2503)

On 10/20/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Dillyduzit (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Dillyduzit's comment about their FML

OP here. It's been three years since the incident, and I finally took the time to read all the comments and figured I can now do a complete follow-up.
My best friend and I were in our senior year of high school, and the married man she was seeing was a few years older than us. I didn't know him or his wife. Basically, the guy had a long-term girlfriend who he left because he moved across the country, where he met my best friend. She dated him and lost her virginity to him, so he was her "first love" and that whole deal. He went back to his old town to visit friends and family, slept with his ex, and then came back to my best friend who didn't know. He found out his ex was pregnant, dumped my best friend, and married his ex who moved across the country to be with him and raise their family. My best friend was heartbroken, but I guess he was telling her that he still loved her and was only married to his wife because she was pregnant, but he would eventually leave his wife for her. She- being vulnerable and young- believed it and kept seeing him.
Looking out for my friend's best interests, I tried to tell her that what she was doing was wrong- not just for the wife and kid, but for herself, because he obviously was using her and had no intentions of leaving his pregnant wife. She didn't like what I was saying and essentially told me to fuck off. I didn't tell the wife (even though I wanted to) because I didn't know her and didn't need my best friend to be mad at me. I was kind of afraid of her because she has a very aggressive personality and I've always been very passive.
But anyway, she eventually found someone else and ended things with the cheating asshole. It took some time though.
Nevertheless, her and I are still friends. We dropped the "best" though and I keep her at arm's length because new incidents have arisen throughout the past couple of years that made me realize she doesn't deserve my friendship. Karma also helped a girl out and I'm happily married while she still searches for someone who will love her despite the fact that she's crazy. And you best believe I've been keeping my husband far away from her.

Thanks for reading! Sorry this was so long.

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Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

#20123751
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (1627)

On 10/19/2012 at 10:37am - misc - by NoorFML - United States (Louisiana)

NoorFML's comment about their FML

Meh. I just have the lighthouse put up in my closet. I will give it to her on a happy day like her birthday.

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Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

#20111379
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37783) - you deserved it (2161)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

AdamwithanA's comment about their FML

There wasn't much I could do. She was there then gone and I have no idea who she was.

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Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

#20110657
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28290) - you deserved it (1976)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by britchick95 (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

britchick95's comment about their FML

Can't say I've ever been to Ohio.

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Today, the girl I'm dating mentioned that she'd had her healthy wisdom teeth removed to prevent her future children from having wisdom teeth. I laughed. She wasn't joking. FML

#20110450
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (2235)

On 10/10/2012 at 12:45pm - love - by Timmeeh (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Timmeeh's comment about their FML

OP here. She is (was?) cute. Suddenly got a whole lot less so when I realised there was naught but cotton wool where her brainmeat should be.

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Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23360) - you deserved it (2710)

On 10/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by whatadaydanny (man) - Dominica

whatadaydanny's comment about their FML

I replied with a simple "Oh really?"; pretty mid-ground comment if you ask me :)
And she is a woman. In the office right now and she just smiled at me.

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Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29095) - you deserved it (4847)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

assholecat's comment about their FML

Hey y'all, this is OP.

In regards to my post:

The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want!

To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.)

In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole.

Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

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Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

#20108790
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29415) - you deserved it (3948)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:21am - kids - by AFEmoWifey (woman) - United States (Virginia)

AFEmoWifey's comment about their FML

We bent over backwards to make her comfortable. However, I'm not letting her have a say in my baby making. I'm 23 years older than her so she needs to be more respectful.

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Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32166) - you deserved it (6617)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

SoSexy's comment about their FML

Hey guys! This is the OP.
1) I honestly don't know, my boyfriend suggested we try filling up a tire with them.
2) Albeit being a bit embarrassed, it was actually quite hilarious for both of us. We're both in our 20s, but we still laugh at bodily functions, immature as that is. That, and I can't exactly see what's happening behind there.

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Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

#20105201
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (1459)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:43am - health - by badluckbrianna (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

badluckbrianna's comment about their FML

You know the corner of the door opening where the roof of the car meets the side of the car? I was already out of the car and facing away from the car. I started to lose my balance so I grabbed onto that corner (So I guess not really the roof of the car. Half the roof half the side of the car? I don't know what to call it and it's so hard to describe) to regain balance and adjust my crutches. My fingers were curled into the car and my palm resting on the roof. I'm pretty tall so that might be why I could do that. It's a sedan so it's short and it was the back door. Next thing I know SLAM. It still hurts to type.

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