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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML

#15677133
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28791) - you deserved it (3824)

On 04/07/2011 at 6:19am - health - by meh. (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

meh_dot's comment about their FML

Since I am now bored, drunk and everybody has loooong ceased to care, I'm going to actually respond to make myself feel a little bit better and no one else.

@#105: Hell no! That I don't wish on anybody in the world (for the poor old lady on wikipedia it's too late of course). It's only acrokeratosis, but still...

@all the religious numbskulls who were offended by that one word an anonymous guy posted somewhere on the internet and their opponents who thought that was a nice point to start another massive debate, which doesn't really come as a surprise, but come on! story goes like this: my hyper-esoteric mom found that with all the science and doctors and stuff, her side was kinda underrepresented. So she NAGGED me into seeing some healer dude who basically wished the lesions away, intensely so. Yeah right. Might as well have drawn pentagrams or sacrificed goats or prayed to a wizard in the sky for all the good that did. For me: same thing really. Not a bad thing that is, but it only works if you genuinely believe in it. Like that placebo effect thingie. I chose the witchcraft for convenience mainly and because it contrasted the other useless measures nicely.

@the [do not want]-lick comments: haha. If it's funny the first time, it must be so next time too, right? Point is, if I had put my tounge in an inapropriate place, I would have posted so, with much pride. And everybody could have hit that 'deserved it' button to no end. That's why I specifically wrote unknown reasons. And why would I lick toads? They'd be effing hard to find in this climate but the weed and funny mushrooms grow well and everybody's quite laid-back about it. So there.

@#102: Yes! Love it! And it's so accurate. See kids, this is how mutations work on humans in real life. And then you surf the web and mess up natural selection with online dating (not that I did). Hur hur hur.

@everybodies genuinely empathic statements & ironic comments. Thx a lot! Heartwarming; made my day.

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Today, my boyfriend and I flew to another country to see a concert. He said he'd carry all the cash and tickets in his wallet, so I left my bag at the hotel. He got so drunk, five minutes into the show he took off leaving me stranded in a strange city with no means of getting back to the hotel. FML

#15662106
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (10661)

On 04/06/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by givemechange - United Kingdom (Belfast)

givemechange's comment about their FML

Im the OP. Here's a bit more information on what happened, as the fml format only allows 300 characters.

We were going to a Slayer and Megadeath show, so I dont know if anyone who said "bring your purse, der," has ever been to a heavy metal show, but its not exactly the safest place to be carrying around a bag as it can easily be lost/stolen/ripped off of you in the craziness of the mosh pit. Also, it was Barcelona, which is notorious for pick pockets/thieves.

The reason I gave my boyfriend all my money/ticket is because we live togather, have been dating for a long time, obviously I trust him, and know that he can take care of himself as he is trained in JuJitsu and MMA. Not that kind of guy you would pick pocket.

And for whomever said " Why didnt you just follow him, der," well that would be because his stupid ass left me while I was in the bathroom and he was suppose to be waiting outside holding my drink.

I did have my key to the hotel room, which was my only life line, and eventually found a cab driver nice and sympathetic enough to take me back to the hotel free of charge, because at this point I was cleary distraut.

Yes, my boyfriend was selfish, moronic, careless and a being a drunk bafoon, but the story has a happy ending, I'm alive and well. ( And this was the first time anything like this has ever happened.)

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Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

#15572508
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31816) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/31/2011 at 7:31am - misc - by myselfami (woman) - United States (Washington)

myselfami's comment about their FML

Okay, I was pretty unclear about specifics on this FML. The runner was barely tapped by the front bumper of my car. He fell, got back up, and limped off somewhere. The guy that was behind me doesn't have insurance. I have five stitches in my forehead from bashing it against the steering wheel. Kind of wish I wouldn't have stopped, honestly.

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Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

#15560202
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31250) - you deserved it (2536)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)

Kingspin's comment about their FML

...How would I explain the third degree burns and traces of bacon grease? And he ran off luckily.

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Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML

#15510079
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (5709)

On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia

Angel1000168's comment about their FML

Ok, guys, OP here.
In answer to all the questions/statements about which was smaller, it was the ring. Sorry for not making that clear.
And he didn't stink the ring around his balls, he sticky-taped it. My fingers are not that big. Sorry about not making that clear either but the limited words made that tricky.
I said no, of course, as I don't want a man that thinks I have that sort of mind or personality. I have gone through every aspect of my relationship with that man and haven't found anything that suggested that I wanted to be proposed to in that manner.

Thanks for all your advice!

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Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

#15441546
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10998) - you deserved it (41493)

On 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by PFCdavila (man) - United States (North Carolina)

PFCdavila's comment about their FML

no, but i had to work with him the rest of the night and we exchanged a few words during the 6 hr shift.

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Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

#15441546
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10998) - you deserved it (41493)

On 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by PFCdavila (man) - United States (North Carolina)

PFCdavila's comment about their FML

it was my third double, back to back. i was a walking zombie. lol

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Today, while sleeping, I heard an explosion. My neighbor then knocked on my door and informed me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to put this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare. FML

#15209261
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27890) - you deserved it (2325)

On 03/05/2011 at 7:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Leverathin's comment about their FML

For anyone that's following this, the cops were called. I was on the phone with my insurance company due to him not having any kind of insurance. Next thing I know the cops are busting into the building with shields and rifles

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Today, I realised how poor I am when I found myself fishing out a two dollar coin someone had left behind in a public toilet bowl. FML

#15160743
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28379) - you deserved it (6050)

On 03/01/2011 at 7:12am - money - by youshitme (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

youshitme's comment about their FML

Hello all ... I've just seen the comments on this ... There were quite a few comments assuming that since I fished out a 2 buck coin from a dunny, that I'd be an unemployed dole bludger. I've never been on any sort of welfare. The previous comment of Sydney being a very expensive city to live in was correct. I don't earn that much, generally between $700-$1100 a week, depending on how busy work is, but I've never been a 'dole bludger', I work very hard, thank you very much.

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Today, I got a call from the police dept. My ex-boyfriend is applying for a job there, and they called me to ask if he was "a good candidate for a police officer." I had to start my day off by saying great, nice things about the guy who broke my heart and completely disrespected me. FML

#15088982
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26073) - you deserved it (18237)

On 02/23/2011 at 9:26am - love - by karmaplz (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

karmaplz's comment about their FML

I feel the need to clear up some of this discussion!
First of all--thanks to all these anon. people for defending me. I honestly submitted this immediately after getting the phone call @ 8:30 am, never thinking it'd be posted.
Secondly-- is he a bad guy? No. I'm sure if being a cop is what he wants to do, and has his heart in it, he'll do great at his job.
As far as the disrespect: it got to a point where I wasn't valued as a person, and some very vulgar, vile, rude and hurtful things were said/done to me, that wouldn't have been done if I was respected for who I am. If I was seen as a human with a heart and feelings, these things wouldn't have been done. Can I say that this will never happen to another female? No. Do I think he's pure evil? No. Saying bad things would have been purely vengeful and ruined a potential career.
Also, I wasn't listed a reference, they required names and phone numbers of "significant relationships"--- I was asked if there was ever an assault between us, and about his moral character. That's it. I've had a seriously great laugh over realizing this was actually posted, and loved reading all the comments. Thanks!

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Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

#15065253
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you deserved it (9554)

On 02/21/2011 at 12:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

magoo16's comment about their FML

I wrote this FML and...
I'm not fat actually, she drew a cow and put a human head on it that actually looked like me.
It wasn't the cow part but the head part that looked like me, and she only drew me as a cow because she calls me "Morgy Moo Moo". So no it's not my fault and i shouldn't "Go on a diet" and no i do not have low self-esteem. I just thought it was pretty funny she drew me as a cow! :)

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Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML

#14931117
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46618) - you deserved it (5752)

On 02/11/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by mariet (woman) - United States

mariet's comment about their FML

Holy hell, I forgot that this made it to the site.
To answer some questions: This happened several years ago. My sister is a soldier, was deployed, bomb went off, lost her leg. I'm not going into details because it's still difficult to discuss. She has a desk job now and gets around fine on a prosthetic.

We did not break up directly because of this. We had a huge row and I threw him out of my apartment. I didn't speak to him for a week. He apologized, said he just felt awkward and didn't know what to say, and I forgave him. We broke up later for different reasons. Mostly he is a nice guy, he had never shown any kind of insensitivity before this (he even came with me to my grandmother's funeral) but this was a bonehead moment.

Some people suggested that I "know it's funny." In a hypothetical situation, it is funny. After she went through physical and emotional therapy, it is funny. I was reminded of this event because we went to IHOP and she jokingly asked for an application, saying she is automatically qualified. But at that moment, when I was in shock and could barely breathe? Nothing was funny. When you hear this kind of news and you are not even sure if your sister is going to live, she is the only one that can cheer you up. So fuck you guys.

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Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML

#14895489
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52644) - you deserved it (7248)

On 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by mom21 - United States (Wisconsin)

mom21's comment about their FML

WOW. First off, the only reason I posted this was because I called my husband to tell him about this and he thought itd be funny to post this on here. Now I wish I hadn't. Most of you people are more dramatic than my daughter. I made an account to defend my child. She's five. She was just being silly...

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