Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39957) - you deserved it (3221)

On 09/24/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by saraitkddh (woman) - Lebanon

saraitkddh's comment about their FML

Thanks everyone for your support :)

To make things clear, I am gonna answer some of your questions.

First, I am the youngest child and the only daughter of her first child. Second, she has 22 grandchildren and I visit her regularly. Third, she has more than one picture of me but she just put them inside the drawer. she always ask my cousins for pictures of them, and my mom once offered her to give her new pictures of me but she ignored her. She even has pictures of her immigrant grandchildren whom she never met before or know how to speak their language. And no, I am not adopted, I am old enough to know that.

I just don't know why she is always cold and mean to me.

See all the comments

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42705) - you deserved it (3471)

On 09/24/2013 at 7:15am - work - by MymB612 (woman) -

MymB612's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here :)

Thanks for the funny comments, it IS a weird situation, you have no idea what it's like to try to convince the HR lady that "porn site were appearing on my desktop and I have no idea who is doing it or how it's being done" :P
Let me clear a few things up (since the debates were polarized around change your password / install nanny cam / take laptop home):

1- Our login passwords are company issued and the IT change them every 6 months. If I want to change it I have to submit a formal request to the HR department, and since the lady didn't believe me back then, it wasn't an option to change it.
2- I did think about the nanny cam and wanted to get one so i could catch the culprit but the situation was solved before i had a chance to do that.
3- About taking the laptop home, not an option since they are extremely stingy and attached to their stuff (we actually have to send a friggin' email if we want pens or paper...) so they would have had that "HOW DARE SHE" look if i had suggested it :P

Turns out the HR department got another complaint of the same nature from an employee from another floor, and since there were now two complaints they decided to investigate, and lo and behold, the most typical of twists... IT WAS THE JANITOOOOR

They haven't said much yet, like about how he got the passwords (i'm guessing mopping behind us while we log in or something, we never really thought to notice if he was looking) and obviously he had keys. Still don't know why he picked our laptops, or why he didn't just look for porn elsewhere :/ or why he didn't just close the windows when he's done or whatever... Hopefully we'll find out more.

So there you go :)

See all the comments

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23247) - you deserved it (35461)

On 09/23/2013 at 4:23am - misc - by MixMastaKDizzle (woman) - United States (Colorado)

MixMastaKDizzle's comment about their FML

Uhh no. You don't know the full story so don't jump to conclusions. I live in a tiny mountain town, and the guy I gave my number to I had seen many times before. The guy that I was actually texting, however is someone random that I didn't know and didn't give my number to. I did, however, have fun once I got past the initial shock. It has NOTHING to do with looks. If you make me laugh and are and intelligent gentleman, then I like you.

See all the comments including 26 other original poster's reactions

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (4759)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

peejay6831's comment about their FML

I wear a mandatory black polo at work that's easily a quarter inch thick, seeing through it isn't even possible! I just told him to have a nice day.. pretty sure he missed his meds

See all the comments

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39498) - you deserved it (7713)

On 09/22/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by peacechick71 - United States (Michigan)

peacechick71's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here. To answer some questions, yes I have told my grandmother various times that I have a retainer, and that it looks like packaging and to not throw it away. I do keep it in a plastic case but I only wear it at night so when I am out shopping for her or walking her animals she snoops in my stuff. I have tried keeping it in my room to keep away from her but the door always "accidentally" opens and her animals find it and play with it because animals like the saliva taste on the retainer, it is then she thinks it's packaging and throws it away.

See all the comments

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML


I agree, your life sucks (48052) - you deserved it (4729)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:22pm - kids - by msmidnight1965 (woman) - Canada

msmidnight1965's comment about their FML

We have those orthodontic ones that help with oral development. They also resemble the nipple during breast feeding.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44024) - you deserved it (3040)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by ImTheD0ct0r - United States

ImTheD0ct0r's comment about their FML

Hey op here. I loved all the comments. They were really funny. And I did throw away the lingerie. The worst part was it was my favorite pair so I was sad I had to throw it away.

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38084) - you deserved it (2964)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm - work - by madden2014 (man) - United States (California)

madden2014's comment about their FML

OP here. For those of you who are curious, I work at a public high school teaching English. The class of interest here was my Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition class (made up of SENIORS). The issue came up because a sample practice objective test I passed out had referenced some biblical stories and a couple of students had questions on it.

He still thinks Solomon is in one of his Pokémon games.

See all the comments

Today, the water went out at my house, so I resorted to taking some stuff and showering at my old dorm instead. While in the shower, I realized I'd stupidly forgotten to bring a towel with me. I had to spend ages drying my whole body with tiny paper towels instead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36585) - you deserved it (13788)

On 09/19/2013 at 3:16pm - misc - by Schizomaniac - United States

Schizomaniac's comment about their FML

Lol sucks, op.

Oh wait...First off: Kali, fuck you.

Now that that's out of the way, I got into the dorm building by waiting outside for someone to come out, as my ID no longer works. I phoned my old roommate but he was still happily asleep. Everything leading up to the paper towel moment was pretty hectic. I was on the verge of being late for an important class and when I got to school, my normal parking lot was full. LSU parking is a biznitch. The scene played out pretty much how pistachiopanda described it. It was pretty dramatic.
On the plus side, "Make a Man Out of You" came on Pandora as I was driving to school. Silver lining.

See all the comments

Today, a co-worker described, in vivid detail in the middle of the office, how he dribbles after peeing, and often has a burning sensation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36494) - you deserved it (2657)

On 09/19/2013 at 5:55am - work - by out_of_my_head - United States

out_of_my_head's comment about their FML

The comments are hilarious! The guy in question is in his 60's, and is one of those one-up anything you say type people who talks all day. I already avoid him at all costs, this is just more reason to. Not sure why it burns, but I would assume something isn't right down there, and it's not something to brag about to coworkers! I will be lysoling my desk on a daily basis!

See all the comments

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52188) - you deserved it (3323)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

ElizaZee's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the OP. Anyway, from what we've pieced together based on the accounts of family and friends, his girlfriend stayed with him for five years because she was a gold digger. My brother is fairly rich, and he always gave her expensive jewelry because he loved her so much. She would always wear the jewelry, but then it would mysteriously disappear after a few months. We suspect she was selling it, and basically using him. Also, we didn't think she stayed faithful to him, but he never listened. I guess she was off loving another man while my brother was unsuspectingly giving her jewelry that she could then sell. In other words, she's a bitch, and it's a good thing overall that she said no.

See all the comments

Today, I realized I pay $160/month to get two texts a day. One from my bank telling me how much I have, one for my credit card telling me how much I owe. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36628) - you deserved it (6551)

On 09/17/2013 at 7:56pm - misc - by BeautifulChaos27 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

BeautifulChaos27's comment about their FML

Okay, first off, I am a women.

As for the fml, I was complaining that I pay such a high price to get those two texts a day and the occasional phone call from my employer to cover a shift. Expensive paper weight is what it is and I'm stuck in a contract.

With the debate on price, yes, very expensive. I get unlimited text as well as calling (god knows what for), and 1 gig of data which I never use up since I'm almost always in wifi. I do in fact have somebody on my plan with me but that only adds another 10 dollars a month to my bill. There's also insurance on both phones, considering they are smart phones and I'm a bit of a klutz. I know I could always shop around with other phone competitors but living where I do if you so much as want service in your home you have little choice.

Any more questions? :P

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38745) - you deserved it (7144)

On 09/17/2013 at 5:27pm - misc - by AwkwardPartyBear (woman) - United States (Florida)

AwkwardPartyBear's comment about their FML

I feel that I should have explained a bit further about the trip. A group and I went for charity causes (sort of like a Meals on Wheels world tour donation- just with a group). We could have shipped goods, but as someone said in the group, "it took out the adventure in the purpose". Although, we didn't explore as much as we meant to.. and instead donated/volunteered in different charity events throughout the year in different cities/countries. I'm happy among the fact that we helped the cause, but it was not much of a world-adventure as some FML commenters picture it. But I did buy a shitload of Twinkies and embarrassed myself hugging the boxes while crying rivers in the middle of the gas station.

See all the comments

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: