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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML

#19913171
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (2878)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by wetandnaked (woman) - United States (California)

wetandnaked's comment about their FML

OP here: Doctor says it's most likely due to the low blood pressure I didn't know I had prior to that visit. He suggested I include more salt in my diet, and that's about it. Also, I woke up with a towel draped over me, I'm definitely female, and no, the soap didn't smell like chloroform hahaha.

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Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

#19908872
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26914) - you deserved it (3348)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:42am - love - by confusedbutloved (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

confusedbutloved's comment about their FML

This is my FML and his son is back in his country, Cabo Verde. He only found out about his son when he came to America and couldn't afford to go back, so they've never actually met. There's no paternity test yet, but it's obviously his. I'm 20 and he's 21. We talked about being together for years, which could turn into marriage. I always thought we'd have kids together, so this shocked me. I love children and I've dated men with kids before. It just hurt to realize that he kept it from me all this time. I love him and I'd never leave him. I'd adopt his child if he asked; I love kids. I just wish he'd told me from the beginning, that's all. My love for him hasn't changed; I just want him to be able to tell me anything.

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Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to make me dinner surrounded by a candlelight setting. By the time I got home, we had 7 firefighters surrounding our house. Turns out one of the candles fell on the carpet and lit up the curtain as well. FML

#19906711
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20800) - you deserved it (1922)

On 07/07/2012 at 9:42pm - misc - by mynameiscrazy - Australia

mynameiscrazy's comment about their FML

No, this happened in Australia, and no it was not featured on the news of any sort. It happened on 30 June 2012, aha.

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Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29942) - you deserved it (3581)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

kalikanna's comment about their FML

Well how about this. This tool place in Florida, not new jersey. Yes there was a hole in the roof but he patched it up pretty quick. Yes my dad is a redneck and it was a brown recluse so it deserved to die. XD

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Today, while taking the trash out, the old cranky elevator in my apartment complex finally gave up on life. For a long hour I was stuck between floors 4 and 5, practically embracing my bio-waste can. FML

#19894511
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18269) - you deserved it (1531)

On 07/05/2012 at 7:52am - misc - by Kazenoe - Finland (Western Finland)

Kazenoe's comment about their FML

OP here. Thanks all for the comments, almost making me able to laugh about this now. :P

But yes, the waste can was full. I had to take a long shower after. I do have a feeling I'll prefer the stairs for a while after this.

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Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

#19879557
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17300) - you deserved it (1978)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by JDBigDawg - United States (California)

JDBigDawg's comment about their FML

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

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Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

#19869909
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25594) - you deserved it (3763)

On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)

BloodFaerie's comment about their FML

OP here and I find it really funny that the people without a frickin' sense of humour are calling *me* stupid. (Not to mention when said assholes appear to be illiterate...) Yes, I know it is probably going to eat it - seeing as next time I went in there the spider had gotten smart enough to stop and wrap up its dinner to make it easier to carry, lol. (Problem solving abilities now? hmmmmmm lol) And, let's see... I was obviously in college at one point, so I would hope some of you would realize that means I'm educated. Please learn to take a joke. I'm just happy I finally got an FML accepted. And, of all of them it was a joke about one spider carrying off a "wounded comrade".

And I saw someone did allude to the fact I must have left the dead one as a warning to the others. Muahahahahaha. *AND* maaaaybe this was a carefully staged display on their part to turn the tables and send *ME* a warning that they won't be dealt with so easily - that there are always MORE. *shudders*

Finally, the reason there are so many spiders? I live in the basement of this house out in rural North Georgia and this scene took place in the bathroom in the back corner of said basement. So... the spiders love it there.

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Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

#19858711
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20437) - you deserved it (6098)

On 06/28/2012 at 1:20am - animals - by lala8940 - United States

lala8940's comment about their FML

To clear everything up:
- they were dirty dishes going into the wash so it didn't really matter
- I still have some dishes, but half of them are gone

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Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

#19854928
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (4098)

On 06/27/2012 at 6:32am - work - by Wubba87 (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Wubba87's comment about their FML

Wow, didn't realise this would get so much attention so quickly. Thanks guys! Not suprised that this has stirred a debate on breast feeding as a whole though...
To clarify, my boss has recently had a child (duh!) and has therefore been on maternity leave. This is the first time she's come back to work. I actually work in a research lab, and so my boss gathered myself and a few of my coworkers (a doctor and a PhD student) together in an office to discuss the progress of our research since she's been absent. I didn't mind having the meeting, I didn't mind that the kid was there too, and I definitley didn't mind her having to feed the child (nor do I ever mind when any woman has to do this, but especially in this case because she asked us all if it was OK to feed her before doing anything). But I have never had to work so hard on maintaining eye contact in my life! Awkward!

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Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

#19850465
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19124) - you deserved it (9120)

On 06/26/2012 at 12:16pm - misc - by eviltwigster (man) - Australia (South Australia)

eviltwigster's comment about their FML

It would be all good, but I row, so i am supposed to build up leg muscle :/

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Today, at a party, I told a joke to my crush. He didn't even smile. An hour later, I heard my model friend tell the exact same joke to him. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. FML

#19840844
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (2318)

On 06/24/2012 at 7:39pm - love - by egc573 (woman) - United States (California)

egc573's comment about their FML

You guys are great. If I was broken up about this at all, I'd feel much better from a lot of the comments. I'd been flirting with this guy for a while, and this was the coldest he'd ever been to me. He met my friend that very night and wanted to get laid is all. But joke's on him--the friend's engaged!

As for the whole maybe my friend told the joke better thing, it's not the kind of joke that needs a bunch of buildup and then a big punchline. It was more of a sarcastic comment-type thing. She didn't tell it any better than I did.

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Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

#19830472
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30912) - you deserved it (3867)

On 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Uncomfy (man) - United States (Colorado)

Uncomfy's comment about their FML

OP here. Here are a couple details that may help one's understanding of this:

1. I didn't pack a change of clothes, since I was expecting to change when I got to my hotel. So I had to spend the second half of the flight as well as the taxi ride to my hotel EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
2. People have asked what I was dreaming about. What you have to understand about me is that I get wet dreams from the most mundane things possible. I can get one from dreaming about typing in a porn site's URL. So honestly, I don't quite remember.
3. Yes, there was someone sitting next to me. No, she didn't notice. No, I was not able to talk to her the entire flight for fear that she would.

Hope that cleared things up for you! OP out.

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Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13624) - you deserved it (32756)

On 06/22/2012 at 9:08am - misc - by ExplosiveDildo (woman) - Afghanistan

ExplosiveDildo's comment about their FML

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

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