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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my husband and I decided to get a little frisky in bed. After we were done we lay spent on our bed then only to hear weird noises coming from our doorway. To our surprise not only had our daughter taken her first steps but has been watching and now making the noises as well. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50037) - you deserved it (24915)

On 06/09/2009 at 11:36am - intimacy - by PreciousIve - United States (New York)

PreciousIve's comment about their FML

My post is not fake, sex happens... And my baby was not abandoned carelessly she just took a late morning nap at her playroom (which is directly in front of our bedroom) and as most parents know trying to sneak sex after having a baby is like looking for the Lochness Monster. And since she is a light sleeper moving her to her crib is a self sabotage. So when all the sexytime happened our daughter must have woken up upon hearing the noise and being a natural 10 month old baby curiousity must have driven her to get up and see why mommy and daddy are making strange noises and since we didn't close our door so she can be within sight (why we close the door on her?) she went to us and watched most or some of the action. But the whole point of me posting it was so I can share a small part of my life to everyone and laugh at it, and isn't that the whole point of this site?

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Today, at work, this lady comes up to the counter and asks me for some napkins. She came up to the counter 5 times, when my boss told me to find out what happened to her. Her daughter had puked all over the table and floor, she had covered it with napkins and then left. I had to clean it up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47173) - you deserved it (2743)

On 06/04/2009 at 3:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

moniescri's comment about their FML

guys I wrote this FML... to clear some things up... I was working at a fast food restaurant, not a real restaurant(not fancy and all that). So I was behind the counter and couldn't go out to look at what had happened to the dumb moron that kept asking for napkins. Then my boss came out and told me to go and check, when i went to the table, that lady saw me, took her kid, and RAN theough the door. Then I told my boss what had happened and he told me to go and clean it.
SAdly, I couldnt find that moron that did that, but if i ever see her, shes gonna get it!

#103-104: jeje :D

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Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45532) - you deserved it (5597)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:11am - kids - by cgregg01 (woman) - United States (Florida)

cgregg01's comment about their FML

As the OP, I find all of this absolutely hilarious!! To address a few questions/comments: the pull-up was the one she was wearing when she was put to bed - she doesn't wear them any other time. I was monitoring her over the one-way baby monitor we have with the volume on full blast, but the pull-up slides up and down, no noise or anything, so that is how she was able to do her stealth-painting. As for being able to get into other things, we keep all of our chemicals in an upper cabinet, no worries there. Plus, if she'd have actually come out of her room without me hearing her, my dog would have ratted her out in a heartbeat! For the pissy commenters, good for you that you are so better at everything than everyone else, your mother must be proud of how nasty and judgemental she's raised you to be. As for those other parents that understand, thank you for being able to find the humor in this disgusting situation with me. If she was doing this daily, I'd be concerned, but since this has so far been a one time thing, I think boredom and wanting the soiled pull-up off her is what caused her to be so...umm...creative. And btw, she drew dinosaurs, her current fascination. And yes, I did a great job cleaning it up after I finished gagging and smearing vicks vaporub all around my nostrils.

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Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML


I agree, your life sucks (130548) - you deserved it (6637)

On 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by wtf. (woman) - United States (Utah)

beatrix's comment about their FML

okay. OP here. yes, i created an account just to answer some questions.

1) i am a girl. but really, i'm sorry. it's pretty much just as creepy as if i were a guy.
2) the reason he didn't hear me or see me is because the way my house is set up, it's a two-story house with a full finished basement. i live in the basement. i was coming up the stairs, and the kitchen is at the top of the stairs. so i was still near the bottom of the stairs, he was up at the top in the kitchen. also, he was humming to himself and clearly... not paying attention to anything else. also, the kitchen is right by the laundry room, so it wasn't completely random that he was standing in the kitchen with them. except... it still kind of is.
3) they were definitely my underwear.
4) he does have mental health issues. the reason he lives with us is because he was really depressed a few years ago. but that's pretty much the least of his problems. heebidy jeebidy.
5) i honestly don't know if they were clean or not.

and lastly...

yes, i have told my parents. they're not sure what to do about it, but they are putting a lock on my door and all of my laundry is to stay in my room now and go directly from my room to the washer and back to my room, and he's not allowed anywhere near them. i don't think they've talked to him about it yet.


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Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML


I agree, your life sucks (87926) - you deserved it (3915)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:06am - love - by ThanksMom (woman) - United States (Indiana)

ThanksMom's comment about their FML

Hi, FMLer here. The reason my mother said that was because she wanted me to get back together with my first boyfriend, though I've been with my new fiance for 5 years. She never got over me leaving my first and never accepted anyone after.

And as you might have noticed in my previous paragraph- I said yes! (And by the way, my father told my mother if she leaves, he'd stay and wouldnt give her the car keys. ;) )

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Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (9151) - you deserved it (60324)

On 06/01/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by computerdude (man) - United States (California)

computerdude's comment about their FML

to everyone ranting about the phone: its called bluetooth.

to everyone not understanding how laptop got on roof: i was carrying a bunch of stuff and set laptop on the roof to open car door. i had just been reamed out by my office manager and head partners in a humiliating way and was distraught. i set it down the right way (on its rubber feet) so make a mental note for the next part.

to everyone claiming the laptop could not / should not have made it to the freeway, and / or flown off: i work close to the freeway, and was amazed myself. I later re-drove the route and found the laptop on the side of teh freeway about 2 miles from where i had originally gotten on. from the damage to it, it looked like it must have caught the wind when i got up to speed and then slid down off to the side of the freeway.

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Today, we had to have our vet put our horse down. Afterwards we were discussing burial options. We then find the cat with a broken neck. Had to have her put down also. Now we have animal services questioning us for animal abuse. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47425) - you deserved it (3418)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:48am - health - by farmwithnobarn (woman) - United States (Florida)

countrysparrow's comment about their FML

hey, i'm the one who had to put the animals down. this is very real. the horse was very old and got an infection, and had to be put down. now, you cant just take your horse to the vet, like you can with a dog or cat, you have to have the vet make a house call. so the vet came by prepared to uthanize the horse, Monster. before, going out to the barn, (yes, where we keep our horses, there is a barn, just not on the farm that we live, which is why the horses are not on our property, so no, that is not animal abuse), we went to the deckhouse, to discuss burial options, since it is illegal where we live to bury animals without a permit. we got to the house, to find one of the barn cats with a broken neck. now we have a doggie door in the kitchen for the dogs, but the cats use it to, since they are both indoor/outdoor animals. we are guessing that the cat went out to the barn, like they always do, and got to close behind a cow or horse, and got kicked. you never know, she might even have jumped off a high ledge, cats necks are very fragile. but anyway, the barn had to have the cat put down, along with us having to put Monster down. so the county wanted to temporarily shut down the barn for investigation, but pulled out, because there was nothing wrong with any of the other several animals. and to number 5, shooting animals is considered animal abuse, and even though my family owns guns, most around us do, we would NEVER consider shooting an animal, even if it was to put it out of its misory, unless we absolutely had to.

hope that straightens everybody out, and thank you too all that were polite and didnt mock or laugh about our situation, and took it seriously. this is not a laughing matter.

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Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60176) - you deserved it (5004)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by ima_krackerr (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

ima_krackerr's comment about their FML

heyy, this is my post.

1. I didn't notice what he was doing at first, so my first reaction was to say hi.. pretty much
2. I can't look him in the face anymore
3. I'm a girl :(

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thats_not_good's comment about their FML

The tattoo is on my shoulder blade, and it's a Celtic knot that I drew up myself. The artist was filling in the shading in the knot after finishing the outline when he started filling in an area on the wrong side of the line. He ended up fixing it so the design came out symmetrical, and it looks really good. No regrets and no worries.

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Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you deserved it (55807)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)

ITguy1982's comment about their FML

Just got back from the hospital. Needed 8 stitches to close everything back up again. I had to postpone the date. Hopefully she'll be willing to wait a few weeks for me to heal up. I now have to put my sack in a plastic zip lock bag when I take a shower in order to prevent the area from getting wet.

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Today, I went hiking at a park by my house with my camera to do some still life. On my way home I noticed some tree blossoms in someone's backyard and tried to take pictures of them over their fence. In minutes, I was approached and interrogated by cops because they thought I was a peeping tom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33803) - you deserved it (12563)

On 05/28/2009 at 6:16am - misc - by Verbex (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Verbex's comment about their FML

Just to make things a little a more clear since I couldn't in the FML:

1. I am not the 70+ year old man from the other FML, although I did laugh at the idea cause of the coincidence LOL

2. I was not leaning over the fence, the fence was my height. I was merely holding the branch with my hand to the right lighting for the image I wanted.

3. I agree, I could've asked permission, but since I was on the road side of the fence, and this fence was at the back of their house, I didn't feel like walking all the way back around the corner to find this house after hiking. For all I know, they probably weren't there.

4. The funniest thing is, they did ask to see my camera and the images, and then just acted like nothing happened. But they did scare the shit out of me because I had my iPod headphones in and didn't hear them approach me and call me from their vehicle.

5. Lastly, F*CK THE POLICE! No, I'm just kidding :P They had the right I guess, but man was that embarasing.

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Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37819) - you deserved it (21724)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by way2gosam - United States (Louisiana)

way2gosam's comment about their FML

Okay, I'm finally writing back to all 401 of your comments.

Yes, I am a pregnant teenager- although, I can not see how that has any revelance to my post, pregnancy in teenagers happens quite often and I do not appreciate the judgemental/negative comments being thrown at me. It's pure slander.

Yes, the father and I did have a fallout and I will be raising the baby on my own, with the help and support of my family and friends- not to mention he lives in the northern part of the state that I live in, which happens to be 4-5 hours away, even if he wanted to be here for the arrival of our child(which we are expecting to be a girl), he could not make it here on time. Therefore, my mother is my "go'to man", for lack of better words.
I also notice you all are saying that he wouldn't want to hold my hand or watch the baby being born,
I never said he would be in the delievery room- I simply asked him to keep my company during the scary hours of contractions that were yet to come, until my mother could arrive and take over.
Yes, we had previously discussed it, and he had said that if need-be, he would be there. Unfortunately for me, he was speaking pure lies.

As for the premature labor I did go into, they did stop it, and I am now on bed rest while taking a medicine called "terbutaline" every 4 hours in order to hold her until full term.
(Which is also why I could write my FML, I didn't come home taking care of a baby, I came home on bed rest so I could have my baby at the correct time. I had nothing else to do but write my FML.)

I do understand how confusing and misleading my post was, but keep in mind you only get a certain amount of letters to work with when writing your original FML, and by reading this I'm sure you've noticed that I could not elaborate thouroughly with 300 letters as a maximum.

I do appreciate your opinions, even though I do not agree with all the statements that were made.
Just wanted to explain since there were so many confused people.

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Today, I was leaving work when some creeper start following me. When he asked me for my name, I immediately gave him a fake one. He just laughed and said “I hope to see you soon.” He used my real name. First AND last. I was still wearing my name tag. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39211) - you deserved it (27037)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:14am - work - by kandykrazed17 (woman) - United States (New York)

kandykrazed17's comment about their FML

lol first of all i work at a WAMU where our name tags give our full name so no lies there. secondly, this guy was twice my age. i was not being bitchy at all. he said hi and then i smiled and said hi back. it's one thing when you greet someone. it's another when you keep following them asking personal questions. i didn't give a fake name on purpose. it was just a natural reaction. lol but yea i guess it wasn't smart to walk out with my name tag still on. o and btw not to be rude but i took AP english so i'm pretty sure i know how to use “proceeded” in a sentence correctly. it's not my fault if other ppl don't or overuse it.

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