Tristan's Illustrated FML

Hi gang. I’ve always wondered what a flying octopus would look like. You know, because the sea is full of weird things, whereas the sky is missing a few original, flying things. Imagine if we were surrounded by strange winged porpoises, the sky wou...
By Julien / Friday 22 March 2013 16:15 /

Hi gang. I’ve always wondered what a flying octopus would look like. You know, because the sea is full of weird things, whereas the sky is missing a few original, flying things. Imagine if we were surrounded by strange winged porpoises, the sky would be much more fun to look at. Especially when you live in Paris and where the sky is grey most of the time. Anyway, as you know, the weekend has to start off with a cat gif so here is one who is ready to star in the next James Bond movie. Also, if you hate squirrels on your porch, here’s a solution suggestion.

It’s time to move on to this week’s illustrated FML. It was created by someone we very nearly never got to see on the website; he contacted me in 2009 and we tried to do something together but it didn’t work out (I feel like I’m talking about a love affair). And now, well, as you can imagine… can you imagine what? Yes well, as you can imagine, I contacted him last January, and he was willing to give it another go and this time it worked straight away.

So here’s Tristan, recently 30 years old (happy birthday!), lives near Paris, and works as a “Swiss army knife at I-Breed & Associates, a digital design studio.”
“What I like about my job it’s that I can justify asking my boss for a second monitor for my workstation, even though it’ll mainly be used to watch TV shows while I work. I don’t really need anything else since my demands have been met.”

Tristan is thus a happy man, but also a man lacking spare time. His news mainly consists of “dirty nappies and bibs.” This means that Tristan has a lot of trouble muddling through time spent between work, his family and drawing.  “I have a project I’m working on very slowly with the most patient screenwriter in the world, and you won’t hear more about it for the moment… But it’s going to be good!”

You won’t get to know much about his school days or work, due to the fact that he replied, “Yeah, I did some stuff.” And what about project? “I plan on becoming rich and famous. Then I’ll work on becoming immortal.”

Next bit? Next bit.

Cats or dogs?
I’ve got a cat. But I’ve had dogs. And I’ve had other cats. And I’ve hung out with my sister’s hamsters. And her guinea pigs. And her fish. I like all animals; I come in peace.

What are the latest things you liked in movies, music, books and comics?
Erm… Answering that question would imply that could manage to sort out everything that I get enthusiastic about and I’m not sure I could do that properly. So I’ll pass on that.

Who are the main artists that you like and whose blogs you check out frequently?
There are none, I hate them all. Especially people like Pierrot and Jibé, even if it’s clear that Jean-Paul Pognon is even less talented. And I’d strongly recommend that you avoid checking out stuff by Alexandre Arlène, le Burp, Piratesourcil, Stivo, Luchie, Dragib, Tim who are all bad at drawing, even though Antoine Kirsch, Louna, Pascalum or Jul are worse. Don’t waste your time. There, I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone…

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices, everyday pleasures.
That’s a pretty wide question, I’ve been trying to answer it for two days… it took over my brain so much I could write a book: the story of a thirty-something guy who takes a long look at the meaning of his life through the spectrum of his occupations; the moving story of a man who loses himself in the meaninglessness of his pastimes, who’s afraid of losing his humanity to the vices eating away at him; the story of a soul about to discover that happiness feeds on the everyday pleasures that enrich the lives of those who know where to find them… something like that…

Can you tell us a crap joke? Possible joker: if you don’t have a joke, you can tell us your worst FML.
Two friends are forced to share the same bed. During the night, one of them is woken up by the other guy who is shaking frenetically. “Jibé? Are you wanking?” The other guy, embarrassed, says, “Oh, Pierrot… Yes, sorry”, to which Pierrot gets annoyed and replies, “I don’t mind, but I’d rather you did it with your own cock!”

Do you have a phobia, if so what is it?
Erm, yeah, I’m very afraid of butterflies. Yes, I know, it’s ridiculous, but very true…

To finish off, ask yourself a question that you would’ve liked to have been asked and choose whether or not to answer it.
Question: Why do certain illustrators choose to methodically draw characters that only have 4 fingers on each hand?
Answer: I don’t know, it’s absurd, it’s stupid, and these people are crazy! Perverts!


To see this week’s illustrated FML, click here.


Tristan is good, he’s GOOD! I have to include some good videos to go with this good interview and illustration. This week, we’re teaching you how to avoid a train. And remember that no matter what happens, Vegeta will always love you. See you next week!


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

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