Top Ten Online Dating FMLs
Tinder addicts in the house say hayyyyy.
It's true, Tinder is my favorite past time. I'm an all-day swiper. Wake up. swipe. Metro. swipe. Toilet. swipe. Important meeting at work. swipe. The cycle never ends!
Online dating and dating apps are awesome because you get to meet so many interesting people. However, if you choose to use them, you have to be okay with the fact that you're going to meet just as many terrible ones.
So I, your resident online dating expert, have hand-selected these FMLs to guide you as you make your way through the 4 Stages of Online Dating.
Step 1: Building Your Profile
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Step 2: Exchanging Messages
Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML
Step 3: The First (And Probably Only) Date
Today, I went on my first date. When we got to the restaurant he started hitting on the waitress. As soon as we sat down he took out his iPod and watched a video, then took out his phone and went on Tinder. Then about a minute before the bill came he dissapeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I had a Tinder coffee date. He picked me up, we went to a coffee shop, we talked about work. I was having a fine time, that is until I went to the restroom and came back to find him, his car, and my phone charger gone. That was my only charger, too. FML
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn't cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML
Step 4: Giving In And Giving Up
Now that you've read the guidelines, you're ready to get on out there and play the field. You might want to bring some pepper spray on you, though. You know, just in case...