Top 10 Funniest Comments of the Week
10. Nah man, follow your heart.
“Is it wrong that if any of my kids turned out like him, I would disown them?”
9. I like your style Mr. Whippet. Glitter bombs are evil genius.
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
“You could have so much fun with this OP. Hidden camera. Laxatives. Glitter bombs. Enjoy!”
8. He better watch his back.
“Now he won't be able to smell what the Rock is cooking.”
7. You tell him, girl.
“This one isn't even remotely funny.”
“Bitch don't kill my vibe.”
6. Killing the pun game.
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML
“Is that really a relationship you want to resuscitate? Maybe you ought to hit him with the paddles. It might shock him.”
5. Life lessons from Blink-182.
Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML
“nobody likes you when you're 23”
4. Everyone's TSA nightmare.
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
“Even worse, the TSA guy said, 'Ma’am, we don’t routinely do cavity searches.'”
3. She ain’t no hollaback girl.
“The last time I checked, this shit was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”
2. Tight squeeze.
“Q: "How do Your condoms fit?" A: "Like a glove."”
1. Got me laughing like I was hit by a rictusempra.
“J.K. Rowling did actually say she wish Harry'd been more creative with his wand.”