58
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
Comments

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

While it's true kids need a lot of attention, this is actually a poor way to go about being a parent. It has been shown that everyone is better off when there's balance. Parents need time to themselves, just to alleviate stress and have some alone time. If they never make themselves a priority, they get burnt out, and the relationship between each other (husband/wife, bf/gf, etc) becomes strained. They might be parents now, but they're still people, and they have their own relationship to take care of too. People need to take time to themselves, and have time for each other sometimes in order to remain mentally healthy. Also, it's good to leave kids, with a sitter or family, even when they're young, because it socializes them more, it helps them understand that mom and dad are going to have to be away sometimes. Altogether, having balance is better for everyone.

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Maybe but is op helping his wife? Or is she having to do everything with no help. My husband doesn't help and I'm doing everything for the baby 24/7. So if he wants something or even just time together he needs to help first because any free time I have, I actually just want to have nothing to do or just drink a cup of tea in peace. Might be the same for op wife

Reply

There is a difference between a date night and sex, though. Both involve a different type of intimacy. It is a mistake to think that one can replace the other. I've been in OP's shoes, and it can be very frustrating, even if a sexual relationship does exist.

Reply

True but if the woman is on call always for the baby do you think she wants to have to think about anyone else? Men say they can't help because we breastfeed. You can do the house work or even just only let us breastfeed for one day so we can have our time. Bring the baby to us when it needs it and youse do the rest. It's so mentally and physically tiering and we can't stop it no matter how tired we are unless someone helps.

Reply

while you are certainly right that a father needs to step up and help with the baby, cutiepie, OP is not your husband. and not all fathers are like your husband. for all we know, he may be very involved with the baby's care. we really can't assume either way

Reply

Why did she cancel OP? Maybe it was overwhelming for her: a date one month in the making and the first in over a year. Perhaps you could start with something simple like a night in: fancy take out/order in, a lighted scented candle, a nice drink. Don't make a big deal out of it. Of course I don't have the full story. In any case, sucks for you OP.

Reply

I agree with you, 14. She could also be nervous. I know on my first date with the hubby post-baby, I was a nervous wreck. My body was different, I was breastfeeding, so I worried about leaking, and being embarassed. I worried he may not love me the same. It's silly, but these are real concerns when you're vulnerable. Especially with PPD. OP, could she be depressed?

A year is really long time to go with no dates or alone time. A child is no excuse to put off being together. Honestly it looks like the relationship is broken. You really need to talk to her express your concerns and feelings. I wish you best of luck. You'll probably need it.

Reply

I think there's a cut off time for when you use months and years due to developmental differences like how a 12 month old is very different from an 18 month old. I've always kind of felt like it's similar to switching from weeks to months with puppies. An 8 week old puppy is very different from a 6 week old or 10 week old puppy, but a 7 month old puppy isn't terribly different from an 8 month old puppy. Don't take my word for it though. I don't have kids. It's just what I've heard from multiple sources, but they could be wrong too.

It sucks that your wife cancelled, it sounds like you both really needed time together. Counseling may be needed but before that I'd advise you to look at your role in the relationship. Do you pull your weight around the house and with the child like you should? Statistically women experience role overload much more than men do. Doing your share as opposed to "helping out" frees her up to have some time for herself and you. She'll be in a better frame of mind to nurture your relationship. A friend of mine says the best foreplay is seeing her husband with the vacuum and dust rag. Most new parents go through this for the first year or two. Good luck OP

Loading data…