Intimacy: Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing...

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 594

You deserved it 2 547

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Same thing different taste

By Andrew - 20/04/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 374

You deserved it 11 721

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 3 080

By Anonymous - 28/12/2017 06:00

Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 905

You deserved it 7 150

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 182

You deserved it 4 576

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 101

You deserved it 5 315

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 199

By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 16 456

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 108

You deserved it 529

Too much information

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 10:00 - United States - Peyton

Today, my wife of twelve years got drunk and told me the best sex she’s ever had was with her first ex after they broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 180

By Husband - 13/03/2017 18:00

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 458

You deserved it 903

seanseansean321 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:32

time to ditch her and find you a new lady :/

Laurendorcus 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:42

You should get her saying that on tape and play it back to the judge during your divorce hearing. :-)

Comments

Haislipa 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:50

lol nice

PsychoMerk 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:53

******* ewwww!!!!!!!! >_<

PsychoMerk 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:07

nvm... I thought it said your mom went out O_O but yeah... falcon punch the ***** ;0

nickperry21 4

Monday 15 February 2010 9:55

drop that bitch

thecbake4 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:57

Sounds like you have a great wife...

Neotoxx 5

Monday 15 February 2010 9:59

yeah I say drop that bitch !!

MrVictor_fml 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:04

amen sir.

puedominican 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:05

i wonder how/where you meet this very well respected lady at....

aDropOfSunshine 2

Monday 15 February 2010 10:07

I just don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

blankettt 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:17

@ #28: It's seven days, and you stole that quote :)

aDropOfSunshine 2

Monday 15 February 2010 10:26

yeah well, it was an old South Park I haven't seen in a while :)

DeTard 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:27

No, she had it right. The quote is five days.

aDropOfSunshine 2

Monday 15 February 2010 12:52

My guess is you probably already know you're right, but I got it from SP. :)

rawr_ily96 24

Sunday 5 January 2014 9:32

5 days? Wow, I must be lucky. 3 for me.

justmeagirl 0

Monday 15 February 2010 10:21

um, divorce.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I literally caught my husband with his prick in another woman’s mouth and he had the nerve, the actual nerve, to tell me, "It’s not what it looks like, babe", all while trying to stuff his lipstick-coated knob back in his pants. CRETIN. IDIOT. CHEATING SCUM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 162

Today, I haven’t relaxed since I was 12. If I was making good grades, doing extracurriculars, instead of allowing me to go out, my parents would accuse me of doing something bad and ground me. In college I burned out due to poor social development. Even though I have a job, I'm still a “bum.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 82

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 284

You deserved it 20 822

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 054

You deserved it 32 107

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 060

You deserved it 2 354

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 548

You deserved it 5 179

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 282

You deserved it 8 725

Today, an interviewer kept me waiting for 20 minutes at reception, then marked me "late" in his feedback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 80

Same thing different taste

Explain yourself

Romantic mood

Waste of time

Too much information

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