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By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 March 2013 18:41 / United States - Portland
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By  uhhSavage  |  35

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  Bakarra  |  21

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  uhhSavage  |  21

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  AKGirlinSD  |  21

Thank you, 27! That is a conversation I have with a guy within the first few dates. If I end up getting pregnant, I personally don't believe in abortion (unless raped and I don't judge others if they get one) and I make that very clear. It comes with the territory of having sex. If both parties are mature enough to have sex, then they better be mature enough to raise a baby. That's my standard. People should be having these conversations more often, when they date someone new. That way, situations (such as OP's) would already have an understanding. If they didn't agree at first, then they shouldn't have ever been together, ever!

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  Silver_89  |  21

27- Yep, because no one's ever gotten pregnant while using contraceptives. Only wildly irresponsible couples and those looking to conceive get pregnant . . . :/ Newsflash: contraceptives aren't 100% effective and unplanned pregnancy is a possibility for all sexually active couples.

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Ya, but what if Op and her bf were on the same page with neither wanting kids? It could still have happened even with using protection. If that's the case the only way this situation could have been avoided is by OP having better luck or simply not having sex. Nothing excuses his immaturity.

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Thanks #44. Apparently #27 is not educated enough to know that abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control. Even when used correctly, other methods of birth control can fail, even if the chance is small. I got pregnant while using the "pull out" method while on birth control pills at the same time. Not everyone practices abstinence, especially those whom are married or in committed relationships.

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No one should assume someone is careless or irresponsible because an unplanned pregnancy happened. You can take preventative measures, and practice "safe sex" but there will always be that chance of you falling into the small % when birth control fails.

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  ihaveasushicat  |  21

I don't recall this FML saying that she did or didn't take precautions, #27. It's stated that she knew her bf was not a fan of fatherhood, and was even worried to tell him, so it is more wise to assume she was doing something to prevent pregnancy.

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  LolFMLnot  |  21

Well, he does sound immature , but I don't understand why you'd tell him something important like this through the phone , specially knowing that he is not a fan of fatherhood

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  ksks1234  |  21

I kind of understand what 27 is saying. I got pregnant on the pill. Since I don't want anymore children, but I am sexually active, I take extra precautions. I have an IUD and we use condoms. She knew her boyfriend was vehemently opposed to children. They BOTH should have taken extra precautions to prevent pregnancy. This is more fthefuturkid'slife.

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  notjanedoe  |  21

Says who? No form of birth control is completely secure. She could be on the pill and still get pregnant. Also, why should it be only on her? If he is so adamant about not having children then there are always condoms or more permanent solutions.

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  lochiamochia  |  35

Even if OP files child support - it means very little. A man I used to know had 11 children by six different women. About 1/2 or so of his net minimum wages was cut into to pay for child support. Then because he had to pay for 11 different children, each only got roughly $25 or so every month. How could any mother be able to afford to raise a child on $25 a month? Child support doesn't mean much when all the responsibility will ultimately burden the mother.

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  plaguer  |  35

If this is the guy's first child, he would probably be able to afford more than a guy with 11 kids. Personally he sounds like an asshole and I'd not ask for a penny and raise the baby on my own as best as I could. No visitation, no money. Hopefully it works out for you OP.

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  fdupagain  |  35

74, your age shows in your comment. A father should be given a chance to be a father, or rather a kid have the chance at having a father. There are legitimate reasons to keep a child away from their father, i.e. abuse, but to make a huge decision that will make a huge impact on a childs life for an immature reason is completely selfish.

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Well put. I can't even explain how sickening it is to see parents (men and women) who use their children as pawns and deny the other parent visitation out of spite or resentment. Usually an adult will forgive/forget when another person upsets them. However, a child will always remember a parent not being there for them, no matter what the reason.

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  plaguer  |  35

Let me try and unbunch some panties here by recording my comment. If the gut does not want to see his child, I would not ask for child support or give him visitation. It does not sound like he does, quite frankly, so let's not act as though he is missing out or that the child "is being used against him". If he acts like a child, he certainly cannot take care of one, but be my guest to try. If the guy steps up and actually calms down enough to be in their lives, that would be different. Personally I am not going to pester the father for money or anything like that with his current attitude. And I speak from personal experience, sorry if me thinking this way seems childish. Quite frankly the way I have described as the way I would do it has worked out much better than I'm guessing the way you would do it.

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Have you tried any other way? You can't really say it's better than any other way if you haven't tried any other way. Also, just because it worked for you doesn't mean it's something that would be successful across the board. You also didnt clarify in the whole no visitation comment. I think most people understand the significance of having both parents involved as well as how detrimental the absence of a parent can be which is why its frowned upon to deny a parent their child when there's no threat present which seems to be which you're suggesting. Finally, I agree you cant force someone to be a parent which is another reason why denying visitation has no effect on someone who already doesnt want to play a role in the child's life. You can however hit them where it hurts (in the pocket) with child support which will force them to be financially responsible for a child they helped created, even if they're not willing to be there physically or emotionally.

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  plaguer  |  35

I've seen different ways before and I think it depends on the person. I also think many people thought my comment was general, as in I would always take care if the child myself and lawfully keep visitation from the father, which is not what I meant. I meant that in this situation. Not a court order, unless abuse like you mentioned. I would simply have the baby and take care of them by myself. I would not chase the dad around hoping he will be in their life. If he wants to be, he can and I would let him.

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I understand that and I've met mothers with the same mindset. They don't feel its their duty to chase around a deadbeat who doesnt want to be a father. I totally get that but I guess it just seems like the guy is getting off easy and not being held responsible for his actions.

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  plaguer  |  35

I'm usually not a spiteful person, so I guess if it were me I'd consider it his loss and would be happier without his contact and money. If OP can make it work with him, good for her. But I see your point too.

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  Pootato  |  35

Child support is about supporting the child, not spite. If you can't afford to care for the child as a single parent, it is reasonable to expect the other party to help cover the child's expenses, even if they don't want to see the child.

By  xxxbooxxx  |  26

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  crammer1  |  33

It's not always the fault of both. There are some boyfriends out there who hate condoms. They also hate pulling out. I had a boyfriend that would wear a condom and try to sneak taking it off. No kidding. No longer with that one!!!

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  Mifflicious  |  33

132, "pulling out" is not a clever thing to do if you don't want to get pregnant, it's still a high risk you get some sperm into you. That sounded weird. Must be a better way to say it.

By  zandalee  |  36

So basically he's singing la la la with his hands over his ears huh? Sorry to state the obvious OP but as you know he is no fan of fatherhood, why did you allow yourself to get pregnant? Sorry this happened to you. I would probably get help from my parents at this point.

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  JustKittyKat  |  36

To add to my comment, I would like to say that I am in no way implying that birth control always fails. I'm just saying, that slim chance of failure does sometimes occur.

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  natsaysheyyy  |  36

Wow, FYL for having such a shitty boyfriend and being the mother to his child. If he's that much of a dick, you're better off telling that kid his father is dead. Or take his ass to court and leech all the child support you can out of him.

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#6 > That type of misogynist comments piss me off soooo bad!!! Breaking news man, it takes TWO people to get pregnant. A girl does NOT necessarily allow herself to be pregnant. You can be on the pill or wear a condom and get pregnant. No contraception is 100% efficient, accidents do happen. I know a girl who got pregnant although she was taking the pill regularly and for a long time with no issue. It was a shock to her as it was definitely not planned. Condoms break sometimes. The only way to guarantee not to have children is abstinence but funnily enough, men who run off when thinking of fatherhood usually don't go for that option. OP looks like you're gonna have a child (if you decide to keep it), with a child. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

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  DanielleinDC  |  36

#6 Maybe their birth control failed. It happens, you know. I'm sorry, OP, that your boyfriend is acting like a jerk. I hope that he can at least be supportive of whatever choice you make. If ending the pregnancy isn't a possibility, maybe consider giving the baby up for adoption.

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#6 Sorry to state the obvious but it takes TWO people to make a baby. It pisses me off so bad to see these types of misogynistic comments. Birth control, being the pill or the condom, is not 100% efficient. The only way to guarantee not to have a baby is abstinence, but interestingly enough, people who recoil at the idea of parenthood do not usually go for that option. Good luck OP, it sucks to have a kid with a kid. If you decide to keep it, I hope you'll get all the support you need.

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#6 Sorry to state the obvious but it takes TWO people to make a baby. It pisses me off so bad to see these types of misogynistic comments. Birth control, being the pill or the condom, is not 100% efficient. The only way to guarantee not to have a baby is abstinence, but interestingly enough, people who recoil at the idea of parenthood do not usually go for that option. Good luck OP, it sucks to have a kid with a kid. If you decide to keep it, I hope you'll get all the support you need.

By  shugacube  |  19

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  skyttlz  |  19

Even if you use more than one method of protection it is still possible. The odds are less than one percent which is very rare but still possible.

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  Silver_89  |  19

Don't be ridiculous. Just because someone gets pregnant doesn't mean contraceptives weren't used. My mother got pregnant 5 times, even though she was on the pill. No contraceptive is 100% effective. An unplanned pregnancy is a possibility ALL sexually active couples should discuss.

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  ParadoxicalPea  |  19

What a hate filled statement #7. These things do happen accidentally you know. I used contraception and still managed to get pregnant with my daughter. And how does this affect the child? Why would you feel sorry for the child? Nothing in the FML points to this girl being a bad mother, or a bad person. I'm sure either her bf will smarten up, or she'll find the strength to go it alone.

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  kindlarry  |  19

You're and ignorant asshole. Majority of kids are mistakes. Fathers normally overreact and most come through in end. I hated the idea of my child for quite some time but got used to the idea and now care for my child full time because, much to the reason I broke up with mom, mama went crazy and couldn't handle a kid. Love the little fucker.

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