Wanker and Intimacy: Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a...

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 230

You deserved it 18 038

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 029

You deserved it 7 791

By Jill Shanks - 01/09/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 781

You deserved it 4 335

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 198

You deserved it 56 602

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 51 509

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 560

You deserved it 7 280

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 811

You deserved it 37 513

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 36 274

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 05:28 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 072

You deserved it 2 787

How could you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 611

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

LittleMissMack 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 16:05

Parents tell embarrassing stories... it happens. I'm sure he's not going to freak out or anything. Maybe he'll think its funny and like you even more because you're obviously a highly sexual individual. =)

ezflip 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 16:09

That is ******* hilarious... in a pedobear kinda way...

Comments

Nickodemus 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 17:28

Books4Me, u don't know? That's just an anonymous post. Also, OP, if ur bf ever brings it up, just tell him ur mom made the whole thing up and u would appreciate it if he would forget about such a stupid story, and the whole time u tell him this, start rubbin up on HIM.

d101_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 17:30

LOL @ #10 Books4Me >_

bradley5055 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 17:33

@10 lol nonoame is just a person who has chosen for their profile to be hidden (normally cuz they are posting an embarrassing story and dont want people to know who they are lol that awesome my cousins used to do that with the water jets in the pool they have (made me lol but they dont get wats wrong with wat their doing)