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By JustTheWife - / Thursday 12 May 2016 17:24 / Denmark
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  MrsDruidess  |  23

agreed!! OP you need to leave him! Marriage is hard enough when you're each others first pick. You are going to spend the rest of your life with him feeling insecure and he will always hold a flame for the one that got away. That's not something that can be fixed. Get out before its too late, I just hope you dont already have kids.

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  pharmalady  |  10

Definitely get a lawyer and divorce him! If she gives him half a chance he'll leave you for her or cheat on you with her. It sucks but you'd be way better off without him.

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@2 instead of jumping right to a divorce maybe she should just talk to him? You know that thing couples should do when they have problems like this. But no one here is taking the time to actually think and are just reacting it makes me sad to see it.

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  dragoongirl90  |  33

aspecialspecial, he said his wife isn't the love of his life. If you don't understand what is so fundamentally fucked about that, you need seriously therapy because your own views on life, love, and probably everything else are severely backwards.

By  Tartara  |  13

Ok, no, no and no. Not okay in any way. Talk to him, see if it's something you can or want to work out. If so, I'd set up boundaries real fast to not talk to her any more. Maybe even counseling to find out why you aren't the love of his life. And if not, bye Felicia to him. I wouldn't blame you one bit.

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  Vnqsh  |  4

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  rldostie  |  19

But it is his fault for marrying her if he didn't love her as much. That is completely unfair to her and he's been lying to her their entire relationship. Perhaps there's a way to work it out but probably not. Divorce might really be the answer in this case--and I never use the D word lightly.

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  mariri9206  |  31

13, I'm not sure what the limits (for lack of a better word) are, but, depending on how long they've been married, maybe they could just get an annulment? Side Question: Is an annulment better than a divorce? I'm genuinely wondering.

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  janfleury  |  19

If your Catholic then an annulment is better because it is as if the marriage never happened then you can get married to someone else and have that marriage recognized by the church.

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#14 An annulment can be better because as #16 said, it's as if the marriage never happened. There's no one at fault in an annulment and the 2 people basically go their separate ways, it's less complicated than a divorce. However, there is no way in this case that the OP could get an annulment, they're very difficult to get and have very specific reasons. To get an annulment requires one of several criteria, 1) the marriage was never consummated and/or can't be consummated (considering the OP has 2 kids that doesn't hold up), 2) it was a shotgun wedding (forced), 3) one or both people were/are underage and had no parental consent, 4) marriage happened while under the influence (no legal consent), 5) the marriage is incestuous. These are the only reasons people are allowed annulments, and if the marriage has been consummated, it's pretty much impossible to get one. How long they've been married has no bearing on getting one, and whether the person loves their spouse also is not grounds for an annulment.

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  mariri9206  |  31

16 and 27, thank you for the insight and answering my question. I'm glad I learned something new today.

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  DanielleinDC  |  27

If she's not the love of his life, maybe he shouldn't have married her. And "I love her but I married you" is not at all comforting.The fact that OP's husband has been in contact with the ex as more than just friends is also a big red flag.

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@3 you are one of the few people on here willing to think before screaming that op should jump right to divorce so good on you for being sane. @47 she didn't say that he said he never loved her and assuming that is nonsense. Think before you post things against someone's character.

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  Xuagh  |  3

@ #27: Actually, an annulment isn't that hard to get, at least not as hard as you think. All it takes is some kind of evidence that the marriage wasn't validly concluded on the day of the actual marriage. Even if the reason(s) for its invalidity were to disappear at some later time, it wouldn't matter (as long as you didn't request the "sanatio in radice" to validate the initially invalid marriage), as the canon law requires a valid marriage to only meet all of its conditions in that one short moment when the actual marriage is concluded. There are many different reasons through which you can get an annulment, and only one of them has to be met and proven. I.e. one of those criteria is the "internal consent of the mind". That means, if you say "yes", it is presumed that you mean it. Now, as you correctly said, love isn't required to get validly married, but if OP can prove that her husband would've never married her if given the choice to be with his "true love", it would be all the evidence the ecclesiastical court needs to see that there never was a valid marriage due to an initial lack of internal matrimonial consent. At this point the marriage, which has never existed, would get officially annuled.

By  Mathalamus  |  21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  soullyfe  |  29

Sorry, not sorry, but, "I love her, but I settled for you," is not really any indication at all that he loves her more than his ex. It just shows that he was willing to tolerate her because he couldn't have his ex, but I'm sure if the ex gives him any time of day, his "loyalty" would more than likely leave. He shouldn't have gotten married to her.

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  HeartYou101  |  30

I facepalmed so hard at this. You write on nearly every single FML posted and your comments are nearly always downvoted, because, no offense, you don't seem to know what you're even talking about half the time. Please stop.

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@5 yes that's what I got from it as well that he loved OP more than the other girl because instead of marrying her he married op. It is odd that you comment on everything and I haven't agreed with you on many of them but this time I can say I agree with your first paragraph. @8 he didn't say that and you're putting words in his mouth that weren't said, if you're going to assault someone's character at least be honest when quoting them.

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  Ni_knight_mp  |  4

If he loved OP more, he would not be declaring his love to his ex. What do you honestly think he wants to happen by doing so? If his ex reciprocated, I have no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to leave the OP, because why else would he be calling his ex "the love of his life"?

By  Ms_ValS  |  27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  SpyroMello  |  27

No one should be a second choice. How would you feel being lawfully bound to someone who vowed to love you, tell you he's in love with his ex and is actually telling her behind your back? I'd shove that gold star up his ass

By  OneFourNine  |  9

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  iiTzNeeNerz  |  26

I honestly thought you had something insightful to say... Don't pay attention to what he says? So you're essentially suggesting that OP ignore him saying that he only settled for her? Not only that, but ignore what he's doing as well? Because your s/o going behind your back, confessing their undying love for someone else is something that you can just brush off while you focus on the "good" things about them? How does that work exactly?

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  redskyontherox  |  14

He is communicating and confessing his love to his ex. you are suggesting that she should be ok with that. if he loved, respected and cared for his wife the way a husband should he would have never have reached out to his ex. he would have let the past be the past. he doesnt love his wife. why would he hurt her by telling her he loves someone else more?marriage is a commitment and does change and grow over time but his blantant disrespect is deplorable and unacceptable.

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@10 @12 did you people even read his comment? He wasn't saying she should ignore him. He said that op should focus on what he does not what he says. To me it seems he just wanted to end the argument and was by no means saying she was his second but was instead saying that he had loved his wife more otherwise why would he have married her? People need to start taking the time to think before they start assuming.

By  denden_mushi  |  10

If he just said the last part without the whole confessing his love thing, then this wouldn't be a big deal. There's more to marriage than passionate crazy love. The fact that he married you does say something...However! Homeboy was still confessing his love to another person behind your back. That's not okay. Most FMLers will say leave him, so I'm going to go with the older viewpoint and say go to counseling first before deciding anything.

By  janfleury  |  19

Why was he confessing this to ex? Sounds very fishy to me. Time for a couples councillor. If he won't go together you need to go alone so that you can resolve. your feeling and make a decision on how you handle this. You deserve to be treated better. Good luck OP.

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