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BabsZilla Say more :
OP Here. To answer some questions and lay down some facts. My housemate and I lived with my parents for a long time until I turned 18, then we had a house all lined up, and we moved out together about 15 minutes away. Not far, I am still in High School, and I wanted to remain close to my parents. I am of legal age here in Cali, and we are "careful" (Meaning we have safe sex with the pull-out method and birth control) My parents came into our house with the spare key I gave my mother for EMERGENCIES and planted 28 nanny-cams EVERYWHERE! We had to go through every piece of furniture and decor that we have to find them all. She called me literally 5 minutes after we finished having our "fun" to tell me she was watching me. I love my mum, but if this was to "protect" me, that's taking it too far. Thanks for commenting. Needless to say, we only have sex in the bedroom now...
By BabsZilla - / Monday 5 September 2016 00:21 / United States - King City
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  awildwhisper  |  28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  awildwhisper  |  28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Lilo4life  |  26

I know that no one will probably care but there is a possibility that she's living with her parents and a housemate. Also, as sad as it is it's completely legal to film people without their knowledge, even of sexual acts, if there is no sound.

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  katelng09  |  16

Parents nowadays don't like that their children are with older people. Watching them have sex and then the mother calling them to say she's not paying for their child, I think ,suggests she is judging them.

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  Lalala579121  |  27

Just because they wouldn't want to pay for a kid has nothing to do with the guy being older. Sure they obviously don't want her having sex/getting pregnant right now, but they would say the same thing regardless of if the housemate was 32 or 18.

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  RayneSmytson  |  24

Parents definitely judge for that age difference. I dated a guy who was 35 when I was 19, I know my mum wasn't keen on that. But to me it didn't feel like there was an age gap (as long as we didn't talk about his kids from his previous marriage).

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You basically just proved the opposite point.... It didn't even feel like an age gap, as long as we didn't talk about a MAJOR part of his life!! There's a reason people should date others are the same stage of life as them?

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  DollyStardust  |  5

My partner is 36, and I'm 22. My folks never judged him based on his age, but purely on his intentions, hahaha. We've been together for 4 years now, so we must be doing something right!

By  Kaylana_fml  |  27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

I'm not trying to bash, I just did not interpret this as them living in their own house independent of her parents as many other readers did. With the camera set-up, it sounded like she was living on her parents' property. If she is living on her own home that her parents don't own, and they trespassed on her property to install those cameras, than that's a crime and they can pursue legal action, in which case I withdraw my initial judgment. I simply found it more likely that they are living with her parents or on property owned by her parents. The FML leaves that detail ambiguous and up for interpretation.

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  LH_FIRE_22  |  12

That makes no difference. If OP is moved out, the parents have no right to invade privacy like that. It's illegal and morally wrong. It doesn't matter how mature OP is, it's a matter of legality

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

See, this is the crux of the problem. Some people interpreted this FML as her living on her own, others interpreted this as I initially did, that she's living with her parents. I just can't tell what the situation really is and it does make a big difference.

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  Lalala579121  |  27

Even if it's the parents' house it's not okay. The cameras are fine, to protect against theft or burglary. But using them to spy on your daughter? That's still invasion of privacy.

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  chosha_fml  |  23

Even if on property owned by her parents, it's a violation of the privacy of both OP and her roommate. And possibly a criminal act to boot, given they were not told they were being watched.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

It is absolutely an invasion of privacy, and an unfair one. But whether or not the daughter did something irresponsible is based entirely on whether or not she lives with her parents or is financially independent and living on her own. At 18, most Americans today are not in any way, shape, or form an adult. But there is no magical number when a person suddenly stops being a child and turns into an adult. From the perspective of morality or ethics, it's a bit of a gray area, but generally speaking, 18 and living at home is still considered "dependent," with a foot firmly planted in childhood. They've even passed Federal laws that allow parents to still cover children on their health insurance and income taxes well into their 20s. The socio-economic challenges of today have actually resulted in a slower development and maturation in today's teenagers that are more than just social, they're biological too.

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  chosha_fml  |  23

If she was living with her parents he would not have been her roommate, but rather a boarder/lodger of her parents. And they wouldn't have had to call to tell her they saw them.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

"Housemate" doesn't imply anything other than living in the same house as her.

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  Miss_Whipped  |  41

#4 Having sex isn't necessarily irresponsible. It should be fun and enjoyed equally by both parties. I imagine that being unexpectedly filmed while having sex puts OP and her housemate in a very uncomfortable position, and that's the reason for the FML. She is 18 and can have sex with whomever she pleases. Being filmed without her knowledge is an extreme invasion of privacy and OP's mom was better off not mentioning it at all if she couldn't bring it up tactfully.

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  Lalala579121  |  27

The only way sex would be irresponsible would be if you're trying to have a kid while not financially or mentally ready for it. But there are ways to (usually) avoid that. OP is 18 so they are perfectly responsible and able to decide what they do with their own body, no matter where they are living.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

If a person is not financially independent and living on their own, it is irresponsible to have sex. It doesn't stop the vast majority of people from having sex, but it is an irresponsible decision. If she is financially independent, it makes no logical sense that the the parents would call her and say they aren't paying for the baby. It also is VERY strange and VERY illegal if they trespassed into her home, installed wireless cameras in every single room, and then monitored them. To me that is a far stranger conclusion to jump to than that she still lives with her parents along with a 32 yr old boarder or housemate whom we don't know the relationship or circumstances behind since it wasn't relevant to the FML. The parents are dead wrong no matter what the situation, but just HOW grossly wrong they are is dependent on the living situation, and whether the OP did something kind of stupid, or did something that was entirely none of her parents' business, is also entirely dependent on what the living situation is.

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  Isamermaid  |  15

I agree with you. Read me, I'm #25. Does that mean I'm getting too old for this app if I'm not outraged at the parents like everyone else? It does sound like everyone is living in the parents' house. And 18 year olds are very stupid, even if they are financially independent from their parents. I feel like I was 18 not too long ago. Trust me... you know nothing when you're 18, or even 21.

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  BLDYRBBT  |  16

you made quite a few assumptions there #4 Two adults having sex isn't really morally or ethically wrong. Also when you say that if they aren't financially independent then they shouldn't have sex.....well there are so many people that fall under that scope....people with loans, mortgages, government assistance, etc.

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  rldostie  |  19

At 18 I was serving my country in the good 'ol USARMY. I think that made me a pretty decent functioning adult. And while some 18 year olds don't know their ass from their elbow, plenty still as capable adults, and many more go on to do some very responsible and demanding things. Just because you may still have been in mommy's house at 18 doesn't mean everyone is.

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  URBeingLied2  |  23

There's a reason the good Ol' U-S of A recruits kids out of high school, before their brains are fully developed. It's the same reason a 32 year old goes after 18 year olds.

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  mfmylifesrsly  |  29

@42 I'm 24 and live with my parents and barely work. I've had a lot of trauma in the past and am working to recover. That being said since I'm not independent I shouldn't have sex? Pretty sure any adult is allowed to have sex as long and it's consensual, and they're being safe and smart.

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I'm 23 and not financially independent because I live in a city where rent is very expensive and I cannot afford to work enough to cover the cost of living while still finding the time to study enough to pass my exams as a med student. I'm aware that some people DO manage to do both, but I personally can't. You can look down on me for that all you want, but does that seriously mean I'm not allowed to have sex to you?!

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  TokioCore  |  17

"Im not financially independent so I shouldn't to have sex?!" Well, are you (financially, emotionally, physically) willing and capable of assuming the consequences of sex, either being unwanted pregnancy or STD? If you don't then yes, having sex is irresponsible. Nothing protects you 100% and you're not prepared if something goes wrong. It's common sense to me, I dont get all the thumbs down.

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What a load of bullshit. Sex isn't some kind of incredibly complex task that can only accomplished by the creme de la creme of any given population, the most mature, financially and emotionally stable people you can possibly find. It's a normal part of life, not something you need a license and ten signed references for. Yes, even if you double up on birth control pills and condoms (which I do, every single time) you can be part of the few unlucky percent who get pregnant or catch STDs anyway, but that is incredibly unlikely. That's like telling me I shouldn't be allowed to go out in the sun, because surely I wouldn't be able to afford treatment for skin cancer on my own and sun screen isn't 100% effective.

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  TokioCore  |  17

Woah, you had to exaggerate what I said and use insults in order to make a point, I guess there's there's no sense in going on since youre not capable of discussing this subject properly. Just to clear things: I never said you have to be rich or a zen Master to have sex, thats why I wrote "capable and WILLING", most people arent 100% fit for facing the responsibilities of sex but are willing to solve things as they feel best. You should read further and let the discussion flow before making an hyperbole of others opinions.

By  lccc_  |  17

wow id be so pissed. thats such an invasion of privacy, just wow. it was absolutely none of their business. Especially since its in your OWN home.

By  Dat_Class_Tho  |  26

Do your parents understand that what they did is illegal? Even if they own the house and you are just a tenant. If they don't personally live there, nanny-cammimg the place breaks multiple laws. I don't know how wise it is to hook up with someone almost twice your age, but that's still no excuse for what they did.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

Nanny cams that are visible or are disclosed are legal in California.

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  Dat_Class_Tho  |  26

Yes, IF the person lives in the place they are camming. If the owners don't reside there, they are classified as landlords. And disclosed or not, a landlord cannot cam a private residence while tenants are living there.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

Depends on what the lease says, if they are even tenants. The FML doesn't clarify what the living situation is, so this is all conjecture anyway.

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  Dat_Class_Tho  |  26

The fact that OP has a housemate would seem to indicate that they are not living with OP's parents. And you can't add an indoor recording device clause to a rental lease, it would nullify the contract. I used to work in property management in California. The only way around it is if the parents live there.

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  Kaylana_fml  |  27

It's hard to tell but I wouldn't make that assumption. I can name several couples well into their 20s and 30s that live with their parents, either for financial reasons, health reasons, or housing issues. This is especially true in California.

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  chosha_fml  |  23

And irrelevant. Watching/filming their daughter and another person without their knowledge is immoral. Even if all the daughter had done was cook and watch TV, what the parents did was wrong.

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  xnox  |  6

as long as it's consensual and both are adults and there is no manipulation/rape, age difference for sex doesn't matter that much.

By  chyiochan  |  24

If its your home and you did not give permission, what they did is 100% illegal. Ho-lee shit that is totally messed up. But they are allowed to if they're paying your rent and their name is on the lease/mortgage! Be careful, have them removed! Check your state laws!

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  zeffra13  |  29

#79 What #19 is saying is if the parents are paying the rent for OP & it's their name on the lease, it counts (in respect to the lease) as nanny camming their own home regardless of the fact they're not the ones living there.

By  Isamermaid  |  15

Housemate. Parents watching. So... your parents' boarder? Yeah. Weird. When I was 18 I was banging a 32 year old guy too. But I had my own place.

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  Isamermaid  |  15

I'm assuming the most likely scenario... that OP lives with their parents. If there was an 18-year-old female (presumably) who just moved out on her own, would she post an ad reading: "18f seeks male 30+ to be roommate. And my parents had cameras installed so they could keep an eye on me."? No.

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  Isamermaid  |  15

Sure, that would explain the reason OP's upset and made the FML. But it also makes sense that it IS the parents' house and they can install cameras if they please.

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  icefishbaby  |  14

Right, and we won't ever know the answer to that unless the OP gives us a follow up. I was referring to your comment that she'd have to advertise the house as under constant surveillance.

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  Isamermaid  |  15

Does it make more sense that she still lives in her parents' house and she didn't know about the cameras, or that she moved out when she was 18, got a 32 year old male roommate, and her parents managed to get access to OP's own house and put in secret cameras? It appears her parents still take care of her financially since "they're not paying for that baby." If I let my 18 year old daughter move out but I still paid her rent, would I let her move in with a 32 year old housemate? For one thing she doesn't NEED a roommate since I'm paying the rent. Like I said, I'm going with the thing that makes the most sense. If OP replies and says it was her own house that she pays for, but her parents snuck in and put cameras to spy on her, I will be willing to admit my assumption was incorrect.

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  icefishbaby  |  14

For what it's worth, I'm 24. I have a regular income and pay for my own rent, in a lease under my name. I pay for most of my own expenses, except for insurance (because I can still stay on my parents' plan, and because our family is large enough that it doesn't really add anything to their bill). So I think of myself as mostly financially independent. Certainly independent enough that I deserve privacy. But if I got into a situation where I needed to raise a child, I don't think I could do it without someone else's help.

By  TehButterz  |  8

If you would do someone who's about 15 years older than you, there's no telling what you did for your parents to put cameras in your house.

By  thedoottree  |  6

What kind of grown ass 32 year old adult wants to have sex with an eighteen year old? You're still a child to him. Creepy.

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  cupcakebruh  |  21

More like "What kind of *normal* grown ass 32 year old adult wants to have sex with an eighteen year old?" Because there are plenty of men out there who want to date and/or have sex with a much younger (barely legal) woman, but doesn't mean its normal. I feel like a normal person would date with their age range, as in +/- 5 years of their age. I know I would never date anyone older or younger than that.

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