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By Anonymous - / Monday 14 August 2017 13:00 /
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By  GhostFox  |  33

Is your GF over the age of eighteen? If so, propose to her anyway. Asking for permission to marry someone's daughter is a bit outdated, especially since it treats the person as if they are property.

By  Callyn  |  43

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By  GhostFox  |  33

Is your GF over the age of eighteen? If so, propose to her anyway. Asking for permission to marry someone's daughter is a bit outdated, especially since it treats the person as if they are property.

By  Callyn  |  43

Comment moderated or buried due to negative votes. Show the comment

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  Bingo_Bango  |  13

Yeaaaa, no. You're taking the feminism stuff a bit far. I would far from consider that sexist or demeaning, there is nothing to imply the guy or her father is trying to impose any sort of 'ownership' over her, it was probably just him trying to show respect to his partner's father before he became part of the family. But mate, no, at the end of the day, you tried to do a good thing but you really don't NEED (although it would have been nice..) his permission, if you love her, you'll marry her anyway! :)

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  Bingo_Bango  |  13

I'm fiercely independent, and my father listens to me constantly have an outspoken opinion that all lives are created equally. But I also have an incredibly close relationship with him, he tells me he's proud of my achievements constantly and I think I'm so lucky to have his guidance, I would be thrilled if the guy I was seeing respected him enough to value his tick of approval, whether it was needed or not.

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  Callyn  |  43

Showing respect to your partner's father is easy, just be polite, kind and friendly. It's great that you have a good relationship with your father and I'm sure he wouldn't give some random guy permission to marry you, but the custom of asking the father for a woman's hand in marriage comes from the time when marriage was just a financial arrangement between two families and the woman didn't have a say in the matter. It comes from a time when the woman was the property of her father in the eyes of the law until she got married, at which point she became the property of her husband. You can't divorce the act of asking a father for permission to marry his daughter from the incredibly sexist history of the tradition anymore than you can divorce the Confederate flag from slavery. If the tradition was just about respect, it would involve having an open discussion with both parents and your partner before becoming engaged but that's not what it is or what it has ever been about.

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  Bingo_Bango  |  13

I'm not American. The flag analogy means nothing to me. I'm also aware of the history behind the gesture. I'm just saying save the blasting of the guy for being sexist unless you're sure that his intentions were ownership, just because the first thing that comes to your mind is that, doesn't mean that's the direction he was taking. He may have genuinely had good intentions. Saying YDI to being rejected is a bit harsh.

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  Callyn  |  43

Divorcing the Nazi flag from the Holocaust? You can't take something that means something horrible and make it a good thing. Symbols have meaning, the Confederate flag is a symbol of liking to own people so much that you're willing to commit treason and secede. The Nazi flag means Nazi shit. Asking a woman's father for her hand isn't as incredibly terrible as either of those symbols, but it means asking her male relative to give the woman to you. The OP's intent doesn't matter, he's still asking his girlfriend's father for something the father doesn't have and cannot give and is completely ignoring the fact that his girlfriend is a person with feelings and autonomy. Even if he doesn't mean to be sexist, he's still acting like a sexist.

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  maritime1992  |  5

Agreed. asking for her hand is stupid. I hate when people say it's for respect. Respect is earned not given and it seems like that father shouldn't be given respect.

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  Sparx1_1  |  16

Depending on the country and the culture, it can also be a legal necessity to get the fathers approval so it might not be as simple as people would like to think.

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  maikeru1979  |  17

LoTR..Yeah a book series that was published almost 70 years ago that is read by millions of people every year will be so old-timey in 20 years that it won't be relevant anymore....NOO. Now Game of Thrones i'll give you partial credit smear. The book series is still being written so who really knows what is going to happen to it in 20 years

By  Lemou_fml  |  25

One of my sister's x-boyfriend asked me for permission, because we all know our dad is a twat. My reaction is: Do what makes you happy. His answer: I'm doing it now. A formal approvement from a male family member that's reasonable and slightly respective. He sounds like a twat. Ask someone else that isn't jeopardizing her happiness like he does.

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