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By krh14 / Tuesday 10 February 2015 12:59 / United States - Crofton
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OP you need to sit down and talk to her about this since it's bothering you. If she can't come to you to talk about things then what's the point of a relationship? While it's great that she has someone else to talk to, I would think that it would be more of a girlfriend or someone close. Not saying that talking to an ex is a bad idea but when she's opening up it might be a little worrisome and bothersome. BTW, I like the fact that you gave her space. My husband and I had problems where he wanted to jump right in to help and I just needed time to think through things. That's very respectful and I applaud you for that. Again, just sit down and talk to her.

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my friend had an issue like this, then the girl went further to say he didnt go out of his way to help her, and got together with the guy who was.... this is a serious issue because the girl could do the same thing, or maybe not, who knows

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or she may just be really good friends with her ex. they had to have broken up for a reason, maybe they just didnt work as a couple. just another angle to look at the situation from...

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I'm wonderful friends with my ex as we broke up when i moved away. there is nothing there romantically and my partner is ok with it as well as friends with him as well

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It sounds like he's trying to but she's closing him off and going to her ex. If she can talk to him but not OP why are they in a relationship? She needs to give him a chance instead of just running off to her ex.

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10 - You're missing the point. OP's girlfriend is obviously not in a bad mood 24/7. Therefore, when she's able and willing to talk, OP should communicate with her about this FML's situation to get to the root of the problem or to better understand why she's going to her ex to talk when she's upset instead of OP.

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It's possible that OP's girlfriend is shutting him out, but he needs to try too. I don't know enough about the situation to know whose "fault" it is, but they are both responsible for the relationship.

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113 - No shit. You try writing a long and detailed comment and get the second comment at the same time - impossible. It was either say something to the point yet quick and be among the first to comment, or take time to comment and be just another comment.

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Her and her ex could be really good friends. I know my ex is still my best friend. I go to him for everything and we dated for over a year. She has the right to talk to whoever she wants. If he's jealous he should talk to her but she's really not treating him badly. If she was cheating on him then that's different but from what we know they're just talking

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A commercial here in the United States is about an insurance company being available by phone at all hours of the day and the man was talking (sort of creepy sounding for the fact of the joke) in the middle of the night and his wife comes down and thinking that he's talking to another woman but in fact it's actually Jake, from State Farm (the company's name) See also: http://youtu.be/47cAxRX3aDg

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Nice job generalizing, there. If he makes her feel better by talking to her, so be it. My best friend is my ex and I'm 2000% sure that he doesn't want to get in my pants. The notion that exes are always either wanting to get back together or hating you is not true.

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Not all break ups are bad ones, some happen because the people involved realize they are better off as friends instead of a couple. My ex-wife and I are better friends now than we ever were when we were married. That does not mean I want to jump in bed with her or get back together with her. I've been down that road before and it didn't work. Oh and men and women are capable of being close friends without wanting to fuck eachother.

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My fiancee is still friends with two of her ex's. I admit, it did used to bother me a bit. But not once did I try to stop her from being friends with them and talking to them, nor did I ever tell her to stop. Of course, after four and a half years, I got over it.

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agreed! I dont understand why everyone these days only has two types of relationships, 1) "just hanging out" (wink wink) or 2) forcing it to work regardless of any issues. Wheres the in between? Sorry we dont work, thanks for the memories. OP your relationship has a 3rd wheel, if she cant let him go, theres a reason. Maybe she isnt your future. yes there is issues that arise when you finally find relationship #3 but really it shouldnt be that hard, a 3rd wheel is too much.

OP you need to sit down and talk to her about this since it's bothering you. If she can't come to you to talk about things then what's the point of a relationship? While it's great that she has someone else to talk to, I would think that it would be more of a girlfriend or someone close. Not saying that talking to an ex is a bad idea but when she's opening up it might be a little worrisome and bothersome. BTW, I like the fact that you gave her space. My husband and I had problems where he wanted to jump right in to help and I just needed time to think through things. That's very respectful and I applaud you for that. Again, just sit down and talk to her.

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Depends on how people broke up. I've seen quite a few ex's as friends and some as enemies. I know my husband is still friends with one of his ex's while the other one just is a bitch to him. Even with it online. Again this is just my opinion of what I've seen with people I know and their ex's.

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I have to agree with #19, any girl that saunters off to her ex when her boyfriend is there to listen and care isn't somebody that can be trusted. I know I'd do the same thing when I was younger - I'd go talk to the girl I really wanted to be with instead of my current girlfriend. It's just immature to not acknowledge your true feelings and keep stringing somebody along like that. Edit: Unless the ex is an ex because he's gay. I talk to my lesbian ex all the time about stuff.

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I mean, I understand that people can be friends with their ex's, but still. If you have had an intimate relationship with somebody, it's hard to go back to friends without EVER thinking of them the other way.

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There's a lot of unknowns here, for example, how did the girlfriend and her ex break up and why? And how long have OP and his GF known eachother? How long have they been in a relationship? Considering that a lot of people think dating your friends is bad OP and his girlfriend might have met not to long ago and hit it off and then decided to be a couple, while her ex is her childhood bestfriend whom then became a boyfriend but the relationship didn't work so they went back to being friends (yes, this can and does happen) and because if this the GF is more comfortable talking to her ex. Just a thought. OP should definately talk to his GF about this, when she is in a good mood, and in a non confronting manner. It is very possible that the relationship is an innocent one and if OP's relationship with the girl is a fresh one, putting her on the defensive right away might be a bad idea. OP, let her know that you care a out her and that she doesn't open up to you bothers you. When she does open up you can start to ask more about what her relationship with the ex is all about.

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#84 - Lemme stop you right there...wait, shit, we're typing comments. You already finished your thought. We can make assumptions that the relationship isn't fresh if this is "common procedure", and no relationship you have with somebody you dated that you vent to instead of your significant other is innocent (again, unless there's a new-found sexuality thing involved).

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#87 because at the age of 21 you know everything about relationships and how they work? It is always about sex? Two people can't have a deep emotional connection without wanting to shag eachother? I must say, you are very narrow minded if you think like that. And yes, the relationship can still be fresh, a month or two old maybe. She could talk to her ex every other day, or twice a week. We just don't know. Like I said, OP needs to talk the girl and find out what is going on with her before jumping to conclutions. It is possible that she is cheating, or going to cheat, but it is also possible that she will not cheat, and she just needs a best friend to vent to, who isn't her BF, either because she isn't that comfortable opening up to him yet, or she doesn't want him to worry about her.

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Out of all these comments I agree more with #84/89. What they say is pretty logical and he has a point: we basically don't know the details or anything of OP except for the fact when his girlfriend talks to her ex to make her feel better it makes him question things. Look OP, if you want advice then here's something: talk to her. Communication is key in ANY relationship. You don't have to be accusing or anything, just talk with her because how does she know if you don't let it be known? Also, how can she explain the reason if she thinks you're okay with it because you haven't asked her what the dealio is with her and her ex. Also, ex's CAN still remain friends. It always depends on the people involved, the situation, the back story, how they broke up ect. But COMMUNICATE with her, man. Let it be known to her.

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Where did you draw the conclusion that I'm shallow from? Attraction is an easy thing to reignite. Once you've dated, that doesn't go away. I'm not assuming she's cheating or wants to fuck her ex, I'm saying it's pretty obvious that she's being insincere about her feelings for her ex. Also, let's not make this personal, is an attack on my age the best you have?

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MrConcise, I said narrow minded, not shallow, and no that's not the same thing. All people, and all relationships are different, and putting everyone and every relationship in one box and saying that they are all the same, like you are doing, is narrow minded. True, if there once was an attraction it could reignite, but it is just as likely to not reignite. It all depends on the people involved, and what happened in the relationship, and why and how it ended. Every situation is different. As for my comment on your age, don't get insulted and accept that your life has just started and you still have a lot to learn. As do I. Life and people are complicated, and things are rarely exactly what they seem. The important thing is to keep an open mind and accept that just because you are experienced things to be one way so far, doesn't mean you won't encounter people and situations that are completely different than what you thought was how things are. And now you are all sick of my longwindedness, (I know that's not a word), so I'll stop commenting here. MrConcise, if you wish to continue this discussion you can send me a message, and we can stop bothering the community as a whole.

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Dthsapprntc your words were so eloquent and well put together, that a simple thumbs up didn't seem adequate. I felt they deserved a proper reply. Well done on the advice. As well as with the reply to #87.

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