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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 6 April 2016 16:59 / United States - Meriden
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you should sit your girlfriend down and tell her about all of the things that you love about her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable engaging in an anything that she's not 100% ready for. Good luck!

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Classic move. When people disagree with you, just call them sensitive! That'll show them! Seriously though you sound like someone who has never had a healthy relationship, let alone with someone who has body/self esteem issues. OP sounds like a good guy and in no way deserves it (nor does the girlfriend, body issues are a bitch).

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That isn't twisting your words, it's stating them in simplified terms. He doesn't deserve this, he couldn't perform because he was concerned about his girlfriend and focused on how anxious she looked, which is not a bad thing. You're basically blaming the guy cause he couldn't perform or get hard, which is just terrible and wrong in general, but especially in this case because the reason was due to him seeing that his girlfriend seemed uncomfortable.

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So the jist of what you're saying is... She's terrified of her boyfriend seeing her naked and your suggestion is he just gets all up in her business and it'll be okay?

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Just because she having issues and he can't get it up because she was upset makes him a concerned boyfriend. I agree with what a lot of people are saying about sitting her down and tell her why you love her. A relationship is not all about sex. And the fact that your blaming him shows me that you have never been in a long term relationship that has meaning and make him a better boyfriend then you. But don't feel bad your not alone and you still have time to grow up. Good luck

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Just out of curiosity, would you say the same if the genders were reversed? Like, for example, if a girl had trouble getting wet or having an orgasm with a really insecure and nervous partner because he made her feel uncomfortable? From the way you phrased your ignorant comments, I get the feeling that you think men are always up and ready to go, and if they're not, they just weren't trying hard enough. Nobody is obligated to become aroused if there's something seriously putting a damper on the mood - frankly I'd be concerned if OP looked into his girlfriend's terrified face and just shrugged and jerked himself back to hardness to continue.

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Ehh I think he's just saying the bf could've tried harder. I don't think it's necessary to attack him. I disagree because he's making the assumption that the bf didn't make any effort whatsoever, but he was basically just saying "If you know your girlfriend is insecure, do whatever the hell it takes to make sure you get hard so you don't make it worse." I definitely disagree with the YDI thing, but basically that's where this guy is coming from. No, he's not saying OP should be a sociopath, no he's not being sexist because this was a guy who couldn't get hard. I mean geez you guys are really attacking this guy lol. But like I said, although I disagree, I understand what he is trying to say and I don't think he is trying to be a jerk. No need for the dogpile attack on him lol

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You don't think having sex with someone who looks utterly terrified would feel a little like commuting rape? If you think that's okay you must be a sociopath

you should sit your girlfriend down and tell her about all of the things that you love about her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable engaging in an anything that she's not 100% ready for. Good luck!

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Communication is the key to everything! Casually mentioning how you love her/find her sexy/etc as well as letting her explore her feelings in a safe environment. Also, in my experience, it's nice to just casually pet and touch (not in a sexual way) when watching movies or whatever to let her know you're comfortable and just enjoy being with her and her body. Oh, and don't feel bad if you can't help her with some aspects because a lot of it has to come from self acceptance and only she can do that. When I first met my partner i had awful body image issues and now I love my body. Time and love helps. (: Sorry for the ramble but I relate so much. lol.

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Actually, I don't think that's going to be enough in that case. OP's girlfriend needs therapy. The person you're dating should never have to fill the role of a professional therapist - unless you're actually with a psychologist, they have no training to help you, can't stay impartial and will probably become overwhelmed with the responsibility. Small issues are fine, but body image problems that severe are going to cause the end of their relationship if she doesn't get help.

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Even still, it is emotionally stunting when you have to play the role of a psychologist when In a relationship, even if you do it professionally. It can be hard to separate feelings from facts and to push the right ways.

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I think he's just suggesting that the girlfriend may feel more comfortable if the lights were out for the first few times. I think this may be a good idea. She may feel more relaxed and calmer if she knows he can't see her, but yet he can still enjoy her, which may make her feel good knowing that he obviously responds to her. Then after she's comfortable doing it with the lights out, they can work on keeping them on. Baby steps.

Reassure her that you wouldn't date her unless you found her physically attractive and that the only reason you couldn't perform was because she looked terrified and you were worried for her.

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That could work, but it could also totally backfire if she took it as a "if I let myself get ugly he'll leave me" kind of thing. Which obviously no decent guy would ever insinuate about his girl, but she might think so if she has an image problem.

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Physical attractiveness shouldn't be what determines a relationship, anyways. I would be extremely offended if my boyfriend told me he wouldn't date me if I wasn't physically attractive.

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Why? It's not saying it's the ONLY reason, just that they wouldn't date you if they found you unattractive. Many people need physical attraction as well as mental and emotional attraction and there's nothing wrong with that.

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In a relationship you need to be attracted to someone...If you don't find them attractive there's a problem. It's not like he said he On my dated her because she was attractive

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I would try pointing out that you have now seen more of her and she is still the object of your desire despite the failed attempt and if you were really disgusted you wouldn't be wanting to try again you would just tell her that it's okay and you'll just not have sex.

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