268
By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - / Friday 29 January 2016 21:19 / United States - East Greenbush
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Comments

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

She very clearly wants to be a wife, if he doesn't tell her she'll never be that for him, he's leading her on. She should be with someone with the same fundamental principles...if that's what she wants then she has every right to find someone else who will marry her.

Reply

#9 absolutely, it's something I overlooked mentioning in my original comment, but not something I am ignorant to. I feel sorry for this girl, and OP absolutely needs to discuss this issue. All in all, not a fun situation for anyone involved.

Reply

I have seen those who refuse to accept that their partner won't ask them to marry, and just stay regardless, even after multiple discussions of the topic where they clearly understand their partner's stance. It can go either way.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

It may be enough for him to just be her boyfriend, but if she's looking for a husband and considering him for that role then that's something he needs to discuss with her. don't let her sit and hope and wonder when you will pop the question when he clearly never will.

Reply

Unfortunately sometimes people assume somebody will change their minds on marriage or kids because of the "everyone does it" kind of mindset. So he may have told her and she's just ignored it.

Reply

I agree #148. I told my ex that I was not after any more children as I have a daughter from a previous relationship. In the end I called it a day as she assumed I would change my mind. Poking holes in the condoms to force my hand ment I walked away before she got pregnant.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

57, I don't mean to imply that Op is doing it on purpose to lead the girlfriend on or anything of the sort. I just meant to say that whatever the situation is, Op should clear things up with the girlfriend so they both make sure that neither get disappointed in the future. Better sooner than later.

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

#130 - I'm a girl, and I'm not interested in marriage. Doesn't mean I don't want to be with my partner forever, just that I think a piece of paper saying you're "married" and not just together is stupid, that spending all that money is kinda stupid, and I'd just rather do many things with my time and money than have a wedding. My partner and I don't need a marriage certificate to live a happy life together, and if you do, what does that say about your relationship?

Reply

You don't have to spend tons of money to get married. My friend got married for like 50 bucks at the courthouse. Some people get married for tax benefits and because if something happens they want them to be family in the event something bad happens.

Reply

Marriage is actually a lot cheaper. Paying 1 rent. Buying food in bulk for 2. You dont even have to have a huge wedding. Het it done at your house backyard or in your apartment if money is a problem. You could also not have any celebration and just aign the marriage certificate for free.

Reply

Then don't have a wedding. I didn't have one because 1) we didn't want to spend the money 2) we are the only ones in our families who don't live in California so that would mean a lot of travel for us or them 3) our families both have nutcases on both sides and it would be like the holidays where "It's not Thanksgiving until somebody cries" and 4) I think members of my family trying to plan a wedding together would have ended in murder. We just didn't need it. We went to the courthouse and called it a day. Honestly, I don't care if you get married. Whether you care about the piece of paper or not doesn't matter to me, but being married on paper does have its benefits when it comes to finances, emergency situations, and, in my case, having the military actually acknowledge you are a part of the military member's life. Would my husband and I have been happy without that piece of paper? Absolutely. Would we still be together? Heck, yeah. In the end, it's up to you and your SO. My husband's dad wasn't married to his SO and they were very happy together for many, many years until her recent death.

Reply

I don't think OP's choice of immoral is correct, but I also don't think that people should be forced into believing in marriage. Yes, I want to get married, because to me a marriage is symbolic of a deeper commitment, but not everyone sees marriage as a symbol, some see it as an unnecessary piece of paper to prove the commitment that they already have. That said, OP should definitely talk to his girlfriend.

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

It's simple, #25. If someone gets hurt, something is wrong. In this case marriage is the implied culmination of a relationship in our society and has been in virtually every culture throughout history in one form or another. If a relationship deviates from what is standard there is an obligation to ensure your partner understands.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Yeah, everyone has different opinions, but opinion doesn't change what's sick and immoral and what's not sick and immoral. If a person murders someone, they obviously don't think it's sick and immoral. But it's still sick and immoral. They freaking killed someone. Marriage doesn't hurt anyone in any way, it does nothing wrong. No one has to like it, but it isn't sick or immoral at all.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply
  ThatOneChick856

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

The only reason I can think of for OP's thinking is that marriage and commitment to one person for life goes against our natural instincts. BUT the fact that the vast majority of our species chose marriage as a tradition is due to our moral compass telling us that (most of) our natural instincts are amoral.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

#37 if a couple doesn't have a religious reason to get married, some just don't want to bring the government into their relationship. Doesn't mean they are any less committed to a life-long partnership.

Reply

Furthermore, if you look back to medieval Europe, marriage, especially among the upper classes, wasn't about love and commitment all all, but about status and social climbing. You can see elements of that up until present day with cultures that still believe in arranged marriages when the bride and groom don't even meet more than once or twice (if ever) before the wedding.

Reply

No marriage is a legal action that allows 2 people to have certain legal benefits like tax benefits. People give marriage it's reputation of the end goal of a meaningful relationship, but that doesn't mean it has to be. Additionally, 50% of marriages end in divorce, therefore not lifelong. In the end marriage is a legal action and only means what you want it to.

Reply

The origins of marriage which were pretty blatant trading women as property from father to husband and dowry and stuff (still done in the world) don't apply to modern implications of marriage for us, but perhaps that's what OP has against it? ...For me the most important benefit of marriage over lifelong unmarried commitment, beyond taxes and stuff, is to be the one to give consent in spouse/family-only Hospital situations and inheritance and life insurance. Really so that in the worst case scenarios of illness and death both parties have those protections... and can be buried next to each other in a denominational cemetery.

Reply

That 50% number isn't true though. In America it's close to that in the most recent study, but worldwide it isn't. Most countries have a percentage closer to 10.

Reply

The 50% actually isn't even true in America--or I should say the 50% number is misleading. That divorce rate statistic includes second, third, fourth, etc., divorces but doesn't represent first time marriages. The divorce rate amongst first time marriages is significantly lower. However, those who divorce once are more like to divorce again. So the number is skewed because some people get divorced more than once. But going into marriage for the first time, you have a lower chance of divorce. I want to say the number is somewhere in the low 40%.

Reply

If you look in to it more, you will see that the 50% thing had to do with a 70's statistic survey that failed to take in to all marriages and not just a certain year. It is a lower number than that but no one really knows what.

Reply

I just reread my comment and realised how stupid it was because of the friends withe benifits part (which was a joke btw.). However I can't really see the problem. What's the big difference between marriage and being in a comitted relationship? I am not asking this to provoke or offend anyone. I just really want to see other peoples perspective.

Reply

It's not really leading her on unless he's made comments about wanting to marry her before. People shouldn't just expect their partners to have the same views on relationship status/marriage without having first talked with them about it. It may be a difficult conversation to have, but it's necessary for the health of any long-term relationship.

Reply

Maybe he has told her and she is just obsessed about getting married and is in denial. If he has already told her how he feels, then he has done all he needs to and she needs to ether grow up and come to terms with it, or he needs to leave as she is not mentally stable.

I have a friend in a similar situation, except from the girl's perspective. It is the saddest damn thing I've ever seen. In her case, though, he'll talk about rings and stuff and then not follow up. Enough to string her along and get her hopes up. It's more complicated than that. I wish she would have ditched him a long time ago. He's never going to follow through. She's going to remain "comfortable" but tortured. 10 years this has been going on.... Please talk to your gf OP. She clearly has her heart set on marriage. This isn't fair to her. Let her have a chance to find someone that will want what she wants.

Reply

By that reasoning, if he wants sex every day regardless of if she does, or wants to do no chores round the house as that would make him unhappy and want to leave. Then she must also agree to these things to keep him. Relationships are a equal thing. He may have told her and she is in denial

Loading data…