104
JasonThorn Say more :
OP here. I am glad that a lot of people understood that it had been meant as a gift with no strings attached, only to have then attached later as a reward for performance. My dad never specified, "This is what you get for doing well." It was, "I had a great day and I want to share it with everyone." The truth is, if he had said he was disappointed in me but felt I should keep the $50 and hoped I would do all I can to improve, I would have respected him and listened to him. It's not about the money. It could have been $5 and I would have reacted the same way. I now understand that gifts are conditional and I have to continually earn every favorable reaction from him, on the off chance he intends to give one.
By JasonThorn - / Saturday 17 December 2016 13:21 /
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  Oh_No_Not_Him  |  25

Love is not necessarily demonstrated by giving you money. Motivating you to do your best, even when you don't appreciate it, can be more loving than you might imagine.

Comments
By  Oh_No_Not_Him  |  25

Love is not necessarily demonstrated by giving you money. Motivating you to do your best, even when you don't appreciate it, can be more loving than you might imagine.

Reply
  mfmylifesrsly  |  29

I agree with this 100%. However, maybe OP is trying their best and still got a C. All throughout middle and high school I averaged a C because of a learning disorder I have. It wasn't until I went to college and got help did my grades improve.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

I don't think that love is equated with the money specifically here. I think the meaning is that the money was a GIFT and gifts ARE equated with love. If the money was actually meant as a reward, it should have been withheld from the beginning until conditions were both explained and met. This sounds to me like probably a lack of effort on the part of both people. OP, potentially, for grades, unless Cs really were their best work; and the father, for inconsistent parenting choices/lack of planning.

Reply
  PhoenixChick  |  23

Motivation is setting a goal, and rewarding someone for reaching it. Taking away a present already given, because you suddenly decide they don't deserve it anymore, is punishment. And determining punishment after the fact is arbitrary and demotivating.

Reply
  sturschaedel  |  27

This. He didn't get the bonus for doing the absolute minimum for work either, he probably did the best job he could possibly do and got rewarded for it. School is YOUR job. Put some effort in, then you might get rewarded. Try to talk to him, see if he is willing to put the money aside for you and give it to you once you've improved every grade by one letter in your next report card.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

Where is the proof that OP didn't already work hard to get those Cs? And where is it said that all work bonuses are because of hard work? Sometimes a company just does well and gives a gift to its employees as a collective, which is what it sounds like OP's father was initially doing with his family.

Reply
  Ianamis  |  6

Really? The fact that people think oh I tried my best and got C's and that is deserve awards? No, to get rewards in real life you have to go above and beyond.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

Except the father presented the money as a gift, not as a reward, and then changed his mind and made it a reward instead, which is unfair to do to someone. He should have withheld from the beginning.

Reply
  DoomedGemini  |  37

If op is having trouble they need to reach out for help. If they aren't allowed to get help and this happened that's one thing, but if they don't request help from anyone around them it's still kinda their fault? But them equating getting money as love makes me have very limited sympathy. In one instance their dad took money away for what he probably sees as op not working hard and suddenly it's "dad doesn't love me"? Sounds more like bratty manipulation to me.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

70, it wasn't the money specifically. Gifts are an expression of love and because the money in question was given as a gift it is understandable that the OP made that statement, though it maybe wasn't the best way to end their story.

Reply
  avaria  |  10

The money wasn't presented as a reward for doing well in school. Dad said he wanted to share the good fortune he had at work with the family and did not imply that there were conditions with that money. There should have been an initial discussion so children are aware that there is financial compensation for performing well. Frankly, my parents never bought into that and I think it's a poor motivation for doing well in school but sometimes that is all that works. There could be a litany of reasons why the OP received C grades that we're not aware of. The FML is in Dad attaching conditions to a gift after it has been given.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

While I agree that money does not equate with love, OP's father initially presented the money as a gift with no conditions. If you think about Christmas/Hanukkah/Etc. gifts, those do equate with love, because they are GIFTS. OP's dad gave a gift because he loved his family, and then took it away after putting conditions on it after the fact. So I can see that being viewed as his love being conditional, even if he didn't mean it that way.

Reply
  nix1993  |  37

That would be fine if the money wasn't initially given because he 'wanted to share it' before he even thought to ask for report cards. It seems unreasonably harsh to take back what was presented as a gift because you didn't meet arbitrary conditions that you weren't aware of. Plus for all we know OP isn't academically inclined and those are the grades he got after trying his best.

By  Mynxie  |  26

Why should you be rewarded for bad grades? I think it is unconditional love because he is showing you that you can not get by on bad grades. Maybe try harder next time and get some extra help.

Reply
  cacheson  |  38

I think the way OP's father handled this, instead of showing OP that they can't get by on bad grades, it mostly shows a lack of forethought on the father's part. As a teacher, if I tell my class "everyone gets a pizza party" and then give them pizza but stand by the pizzas with my grade book and turn students away when they get to the front of the line for not having good grades, that doesn't teach a lesson about working harder. It just teaches the students that they can't trust me at my word. This is basically what OP's father did.

Loading data…