Kids: Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother...

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 442

You deserved it 4 162

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Same thing different taste

By verycre8tive - 21/05/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 618

You deserved it 2 723

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 136

You deserved it 3 191

This Is Us

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 882

You deserved it 6 743

Freaky

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 05:00

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 106

You deserved it 375

By Michael tee - 11/08/2011 20:11 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 5 026

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 172

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 211

You deserved it 6 232

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 381

You deserved it 5 478

By yeah why not - 06/04/2013 17:06 - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 841

You deserved it 2 997

EverestMelting 23

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:38

Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!

damn_all 22

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:36

Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.

Comments

FrustratedJoe 10

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:52

What was higher, your self esteem or your dad?

the_Jessicaaa 11

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:52

You should probably check you surroundings. This one time something similar happened to me and I ended up falling in someone's piss

Edumcg 24

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:54

You must have a psychedelic personality ;)

715chiefs 15

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:58

That's a moment when you act crazy to screw with him. Ask him if he smelt the noise that the color blue made or something like that.

Xeebar 28

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:58

Yeah. It explains that your parents liked to have sex while on drugs :l

ggoos 8

Saturday 21 June 2014 6:06

How exactly did you and you dad get on the topic of your conception?

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 21 June 2014 6:31

Acid flashback?

weveallbeenthere 30

Saturday 21 June 2014 6:13

nothing you can do about it. but you may understand any issues you have.

martin8337 35

Saturday 21 June 2014 6:53

As long as you're not hearing colors, seeing sounds and things are not melting around you, you'll be all right.

zZLightZz 13

Saturday 21 June 2014 7:10

LOL favorited

tehdarkness 21

Saturday 21 June 2014 7:23

At least your parents knew how to party

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The Top

Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 244

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 127

The Top

Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 259

You deserved it 1 359

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 140

You deserved it 5 964

Today, on a train, a little boy and a little girl came up to me and asked how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appeared and said, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 1 665

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 3 183

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 21 152

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 11 246