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By anonymous - / Sunday 26 June 2016 03:50 / United States - Knoxville
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By  domolovesyoshi  |  33

Oh gosh take him aside in private explain why you think it's a bad idea and that you really resent the way you feel forced to say yes, do not stick around for the sake of politeness it's not healthy

By  Migole  |  36

Although I can see why you gave in to the social pressure, you should've immediately asked for a private minute and told him about your feelings. This was not ok on his part! You should never ever propose in public if you haven't talked about marriage beforehand and are absolutely 100% sure of your partners intentions. It's absolutely assholeish to pressure your SO into saying yes by inviting all of your family.

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By  domolovesyoshi  |  33

Oh gosh take him aside in private explain why you think it's a bad idea and that you really resent the way you feel forced to say yes, do not stick around for the sake of politeness it's not healthy

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I fucking HATE when guys make a huge deal out of proposals. Yeah, I get it, you wanna go big and involve all your family and friends, and if she genuinely wants to marry you it's great and works out fine and it's a wonderful celebration for all. But there are the few occasions where she doesn't want to marry you but feels forced because you proposed publically/invited all your family/spent a lot of money/etc. and then they end up in an unhappy relationship because they couldn't say no to a proposal because they didn't want to be rude.

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  Malsain_fml  |  10

Agreed! You can make a big thing out of proposal and tell freinds and familiy the same way... by meeting them after the other person said yes. But proposing can, by no means, be done with someone around. It's totally private. You might be involved in a relationship and still not want/be sure to get married. The other person has the right to feel free to say no, which is already quite difficult evene face to face.

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Honestly, I don't understand why she just didn't say no, either by pulling him aside or the same way he asked her: publicly. When she returns the ring, the truth is going to come out anyway. Maybe I'm just simple Simon.

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  marcranger  |  28

I'd argue that the worst thing you can do to a person besides assaulting them or killing their family is dropping a surprise public proposal on them, actually. If her soon-to-be-ex writes a follow-up FML after she dumps him, I'll gleefully vote YDI.

By  Migole  |  36

Although I can see why you gave in to the social pressure, you should've immediately asked for a private minute and told him about your feelings. This was not ok on his part! You should never ever propose in public if you haven't talked about marriage beforehand and are absolutely 100% sure of your partners intentions. It's absolutely assholeish to pressure your SO into saying yes by inviting all of your family.

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Don't just assume #5. For all we know they have talked about it before but something came up that OP changed her mind and that's why she was going to break up for him. I just love how the FML community always puts blame on the guy with this kind of stuff.

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  fuzzy1474  |  5

Given the prevalence of people that apparently think public proposals are the way to go, I think it's way more likely that they hadn't talked beforehand. I'm giving the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and not jumping straight to thinking that he could sense that the relationship was starting to go downhill and used the public proposal to intentionally pressure OP, but that is also a possibility.

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  ThatOneChick856  |  35

I agree with both #5 and #34. It's entirely possible (and likely) that the OP's BF didn't do this maliciously and that he did decide to make it into a whole surprise for the OP. But that does still make him the idiot who planned a big proposal without knowing where they were in the relationship. He may not be a bad guy (and I don't think he is if he had good intentions), but he still is fully at fault for the awkward and embarrassing proposal going wrong later on.

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  ThatOneChick856  |  35

The problem isn't that the family was there to see. The problem is that he decided to propose without even confirming with his gf that they actually ever want to get married someday, only made worse because he invited people without knowing for sure what her answer would be.

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  MandieL  |  27

I'll never understand public proposals. I personally think it's tacky and pressure filled, whether you mean it to be or not. I think a proposal should be intimate and private, and then have an engagement party after if you want your friends and family included in the celebration. That's just my opinion though.

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@32. He/she probably assumed that he was proposing to a girl because only about .3% of the population is gay. It's just a statistic. It's the same reason boys toys are usually in a blue isle and the girls toys are in the pink. Most young girls like pink and most young boys like blue. Those are both assumptions based off of statistics so stop being an oversensitive SJW.

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  annalily5  |  28

Pink is literally only the color for girls because Hitter decided to use it to mark gay people. Before pink was the color for boys and was considered manly because it looked like red, which looks like blood. It has nothing to do with one gender liking the color more.

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  Bismuth92  |  10

@#61, Wow, only .3% of the population is gay? Where are you getting your statistics? I've always seen estimates of more like 10%, and most statistics are probably under, because some people are still in the closet and are afraid to admit it.

By  Syruphs  |  17

stop it now before it gets worse. I understand if you didn't wanna look like a bad person infront of his family saying no. but it's worse if you just go along with it and cancel later. trust me, it's better to make someone feel bad with honesty than making them feel good with lies

By  MelRose520  |  2

this might sound awful, but give it a couple weeks for the excitement to die down and then talk to your boyfriend about breaking up or at least breaking off the engagement until you're sure you want to have a commitment like this.

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OP doesn't want a commitment to this person. They were planning on breaking up and only said "yes" because of the social pressure. They shouldn't compound that mistake by waiting a few weeks. They should let him know their true feelings as soon as possible.

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  kirasant  |  19

I dunno, I'd probably wait a little bit, too, but it depends on the relationship. If OP still likes the bf but doesn't want to marry him, I'd wait. I assume they've been together a bit, so what's a week or two? I wouldn't want to embarrass him after the family flew in. That said, if this was an out-of-the-blue proposal and the bf was being really presumptive, tell him once the family is gone. He can tell them whatever he wants. Sucks for OP, but I'll let her/him make the call for how long to wait before telling the bf the bad news.

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  MelRose520  |  2

no I didn't mean it in that manner. she only said yes because the family was there egging her on. I think she should wait until they're gone and the pressure is gone when she talks to him and avoid the embarrassment for both of them. either way she should do it soon.

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  SpyroMello  |  27

#48 he/she clearly doesn't like the boyfriend anymore considering they wanted to break up with them. #49 While family does make it worse, I would still suggest talking to the boyfriend asap because they are more important than the family. I would have done it before saying yes or no and sure the family ends up seeing but it's still better that way, they'll know eventually.

By  Qandol  |  26

When a person no longer love the other person, there is no reason to stay, don't suffer just because his entire family was present at the proposal party. It's your life, live it the way you want. Not because others want it. Good luck.

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