Love: Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was... - FML

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 4 492

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Same thing different taste

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 205

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 6 744

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 901

You deserved it 22 971

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 679

You deserved it 4 556

Don't make me choose

By Ames - 23/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 a.m. my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because, "the cat is sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 668

You deserved it 9 049

Bed of nails

By JoanT - 31/08/2020 20:01 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, my boyfriend’s bed is so uncomfortable that even after six months of not seeing him, I’m sleeping on the floor so I can actually get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 187

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 2 904

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 922

You deserved it 4 011

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 723

You deserved it 3 536

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 737

You deserved it 3 577

Next

Top comments

Mortgaged 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:44

That's funny! Hurtful but funny. I am the same way. I'm a thrasher. Maybe you should consider a sleep number bed?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:14

Well me and the rest of the football team did try to warn him...

Comments

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:14

Well me and the rest of the football team did try to warn him...

mushoo_fml 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:14

He knows what it's like to sleep with a seizing cat? :O

yous_an_idiot 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:20

I don't see why that's a bad thing. You can't control your sleeping habits, and the fact that he's still with you shows that he cares a little bit about you, at the very least. Just like women, always trying to find the most negative of connotations in everything. Seriously, get some help.

Darrian 2

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:40

Hehe. I had a girlfriend like that once. Her snoring is what kept me awake at night, though.

Mortgaged 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:44

That's funny! Hurtful but funny. I am the same way. I'm a thrasher. Maybe you should consider a sleep number bed?

yous_an_idiot 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:56

Way to go with the advertising there, #17.

macman1033 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 13:12

what are you and this cat seizing? i dont think you know what that word means cause you definitely used that in the wrong context.

Twaffle 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 21:06

IDIOT LOL

Americunt 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 13:14

O I C. Sorry OP, FYL. Dump the twat.

facu 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 13:55

what on earth is a seizing cat? a cat having a seizure?

davidhasmorefun 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 14:42

this one is stupid. seriously. how does some of these get through?

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The Top

Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 133

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 002

You deserved it 699

The Top

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 616

You deserved it 3 668

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story about my dad’s senior prank, his mom said that during her senior year, some asshole spray painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 354

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 3 042

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 399

You deserved it 6 798

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 634

You deserved it 1 850

Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 825