Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents....

By leahrb - 24/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 336

You deserved it 1 886

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 4 330

By UHM - 06/10/2013 21:54 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 264

You deserved it 4 013

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 749

You deserved it 6 935

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 09:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 743

You deserved it 6 140

Dad jokes, part #23556

By ashamed - 28/10/2019 02:00

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 684

You deserved it 5 695

By talkssuck - 30/03/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 458

You deserved it 18 533

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 649

You deserved it 4 912

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 3 241

By highlandgirl10 - 21/07/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 087

You deserved it 6 228

tzemmy 25

Thursday 25 February 2016 8:34

Did he say yes?

HyperTek 16

Thursday 25 February 2016 8:34

What's the problem this shit is hilarious. :D

Comments

rebelbelle 17

Thursday 25 February 2016 9:37

one of the few FMLs to make me LOL IRL

brittanywashere 14

Thursday 25 February 2016 9:42

Sounds like something my dad would have said lol. Parents have an odd sense of humor sometimes.

91hayek 31

Thursday 25 February 2016 9:51

Well you better not say anything stupid lest you be made to suckle to make you less foolish.

Dave_Davington 33

Thursday 25 February 2016 9:55

"Sure, shall I also tickle your ballsack of wisdom?"

LordVaper 14

Thursday 25 February 2016 9:55

Brilliant

RedCronos 17

Thursday 25 February 2016 10:31

I would have played along.

JosephKorso 15

Thursday 25 February 2016 11:09

At least your father seems to like your boyfriend. Could have went way differently.

Chikiriwak 17

Thursday 25 February 2016 11:31

He sound like a man full of wisdom

Bonngoo 34

Thursday 25 February 2016 13:58

Yay

EthanMcNash 6

Thursday 25 February 2016 14:38

Marry that woman. That's the kind of family you want to be in

Keywords

Insurance Money Plumbing Awkward Suspicious Relatable Cheating Love AITA Relationship advice First Dates Weird Marriage Poopoo peepee Health Gross Mental health Cars Death Parenting Family Kids Miscellaneous Transportation Capitalism My ex Social Media Instagram Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, the homewrecker who stole my boyfriend had the audacity to text me that I have to pay her medical bills from the pounding I gave her when I caught her and my boyfriend red-handed. She doesn’t care that I will now be a single mom of two kids and my only source of income is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 911

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 879

You deserved it 2 765

The Top

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 17 101

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 376

You deserved it 8 570

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 856

You deserved it 65 713

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 5 438

Today, my 6 year-old granddaughter was sitting on my lap, playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die, can I have that one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 766

You deserved it 4 461

Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 831

You deserved it 5 199

Same thing different taste

Dad jokes, part #23556

Top comments

Comments