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Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

By singleagain - / Tuesday 15 May 2012 01:09 / United States
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By  onlychildFTW  |  33

That's a stupid reason for him to break up with you. Especially when he has asked you to marry him. What a loser. Sorry to hear that OP! I hope you feel better!!!

By  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

This is very precisely sexist. The symbolic of giving your last name to your wife has been at first the token that she was changing family. She used to belong to her parents and then to her husband. It was treating women as objects. Last name, as well as surname, is a part of your identity, and she perfectly has the right to want to keep her identity. This absolutely doesn't mean that she doesn't truly love her boyfriend, because you know, love is not about possession and she is supposed to love him, not his name. Of course it is not the kind of sexism that will make him batter his wife, but it is still a beginning of sexism. Anyway he is a prick for leaving her, let alone the sexist thing.

Comments
By  onlychildFTW  |  33

That's a stupid reason for him to break up with you. Especially when he has asked you to marry him. What a loser. Sorry to hear that OP! I hope you feel better!!!

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  JocelynKaulitz  |  28

Everyone has their imperfections. His happens to be the fact that he gets mad when he doesn't get his way. That was a pretty unfair reason to be mad though.

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  shortvirgo13  |  6

I think he's just made because his sweet gesture is now meaningless. Don't worry he'll come around. That us if you still want him.

By  mariselita93  |  7

So sorry for you, but I think that he should understand! :)

By  jessrawwr  |  0

What a sexist prick You don't need people like that in your life

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  elisegreen  |  4

That's not sexist

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  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

This is very precisely sexist. The symbolic of giving your last name to your wife has been at first the token that she was changing family. She used to belong to her parents and then to her husband. It was treating women as objects. Last name, as well as surname, is a part of your identity, and she perfectly has the right to want to keep her identity. This absolutely doesn't mean that she doesn't truly love her boyfriend, because you know, love is not about possession and she is supposed to love him, not his name. Of course it is not the kind of sexism that will make him batter his wife, but it is still a beginning of sexism. Anyway he is a prick for leaving her, let alone the sexist thing.

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  hatesfate  |  6

Saying he is a prick is pretty sexist... As it also a word for male genitalia... You're a tit for using that word!

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  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

I didn't know «prick» was a word for «penis», I just knew it as an insult. English is not my native language. So let's say he's a bad, bad guy for leaving her. Everything else I said is still correct.

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  kittenvks  |  11

Actually no not really. There should have been a word after symbolic and a surname is a last name soooo that makes no sense, just letting you know.

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  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

Because I'm not English and I confused surname and first name, I guess. Sorry for that. Seriously, why you people don't all speak French ? :P

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  Sexy_Smurf  |  16

Really 89?? Your comment was pointless... especially as 57 already said her native language was not english. You came across as some prissy teen from Beverly Hills... "So, like, yeah... whatever" ...

By  xattitudegurlx  |  13

Well i guess it a very important one thing. Fyl though if he really loved you he shouldnt have ended it because of that.

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  cookeemonster  |  7

Who cares if op wants to keep their last name! It's her choice! Why say should done what they did? Op's boyfriend is a prick and he left. That's his problem, not op's fault.

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  22cute  |  17

Sounds like to me he wanted to use marriage as a way to control her. If feminist means being sensible and looking out for yourself instead of being swept away by emotionalism, then yes! It definitely is!

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  Cinn_fml  |  21

Ok, let's jump straight to the control conclusion, 22cute. To get there you've skipped straight passed traditionalist and possibly him being hurt because he tried to be all cute and romantic or something with what he said, and then she goes and corrects him so soon afterwards, it might feel a bit like a kick in the teeth. Maybe if she'd waited a bit he might've reacted better. We also don't know how she said it, and that he might've already explain that it was important to him for her to take his name and she went with it then. Though granted, he could be a controlling, manipulative bastard who she's better off without. Or a crybaby. Just throwing some perspective out there.

By  jtthegr8  |  26

Well...you're free to have the choice and if he can't handle that then he's obviously missing out on having a wife..but he probably isn't good husband material anyways if he's going to freak out about a name.

By  linkinpark98  |  23

At least you now know the real him. You wouldn't want to be with a man who gets upset like that over little things. Especially dealing with a relationship.

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  ambamm135  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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In her defense it does say that she brought it up later. I agree with this comment that it was immature. I get why OP's boyfriend got upset, but it's not a real reason to break up for, in my opinion. If you love someone enough to want to marry them, this should be something you'd work out together.

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  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

She said she told him later. She didn't break the cuteness of the moment. And if she had told him very later he would have reacted the same and probably would have blamed her for not telling sooner and «lie to him» or something.

By  Eternal94  |  10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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She probably likes hers the way it is. It's not as uncommon as it used to be for women to keep their surnames after marriage.

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  lylotrezor  |  20

8, what could be so good about the boyfriend's name that she would want to change hers?

By  zingline89  |  18

Well, I guess you'll be Ms. Shitstain for the rest of your life. Would it have been so bad to be Mrs. Jones?

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  22cute  |  17

I'm sure she'll find someone else. Besides it sounds like they're both not ready for marriage if they cannot find some middle ground on such a basic issue.

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  hatesfate  |  6

Middle ground? So using the above for example do you expect her to change her name to JOstain? What exactly is the middle ground between keeping your maiden name or not...

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  Cinn_fml  |  21

Well they could talk about why both of them want to keep their own names and see if they can work around either to come to a conclusion on the either or front. Or they could hyphenate, or some people officially change their names to a merge of surnames and stuff like that. Or, I don't know how common this is, one surname could become a middle name.

By  hahauRrcool  |  0

Thats not dumb. The girl always changes her name. Thats he way its been done for thousands of years. Either your 50 and a doctor unwilling to give up your presteige of name or a womanist

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  Sidel  |  11

Or she likes her name and wants to keep her family name? If I ever get married, I'd probably keep my name.

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  hahauRrcool  |  0

The reason for wanting to have a son to go forth and carry the familys name and legacy is not for nothing. Also im not to surprized your not married.

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God forbid women make choices regarding their own lives, right? Either you're 12 and don't understand the concept of individual choice, or you're an asshole.

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  shellzy  |  16

*it's *you're *prestige *feminist Good lord, I hope you never breed. Any sons you have would be misogynists and any daughters would be sold for a sack of potatoes and a horse. I'm married and I kept my last name, thanks, but then again, my husband isn't a control freak with a constant need to stroke his own ego. Women aren't possessions, genius. If you want to take his name, kudos to you, but tradition has nothing to do with it.

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  Cinn_fml  |  21

HahauRrcool, I think your attitude sums up why some women have problems with changing their names. If say there was an equal respect to either side changing their surname to the other - regardless of if one way statistically dominated the other -, then there probably wouldn't be any reasons why people'd object to changing their names. However, it is almost expected of women to change their name, and then that starts to feel like force and so some resist. Yes, I know that some do it simply because they like their last name and such, but that doesn't prevent both sides from coming to a compromise when respect and love are there.

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  Cinn_fml  |  21

One thing to consider about the kids names; doesn't it reflect the fact that you're a family if you all have the same surname?

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  Bob_Cat_fml  |  14

I don't need a name to know my mommy's my mum and my daddy's my dad. And besides until they come of age they will have both names, like Smith-Johnson, doesn't it show they come from both their parents ?

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  anoellem  |  1

Finally someone that appreciates tradition

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  angelous_fml  |  7

When I get married, i'm keeping my last name. I am the only person left in my entire family with my last name. It's the only way to carry on my name. Maybe that's the case with OP.

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