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Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

By comeuntome - / Thursday 29 November 2012 19:42 / United States
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By  TopBanana20  |  11

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.

By  AninOnin  |  24

Go buy some?

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By  AninOnin  |  24

Go buy some?

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  indielove  |  13

I would be smuggling in drinks instead of toys.

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  FurryPride  |  9

Go to your boyfriends house or just use your fingers maybe?

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  sux4u121  |  10

39, she is at her in laws house, which most likely says she is married, an I highly doubt she would visit in-laws without her husband staying there too.

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  SpicyDuck  |  22

Maybe they aren't allowed to sleep in the same room for some personal reason their parents might have. If that's not it then they probably aren't engaging in anything sexual in respect of a request the in-laws made. But you do still have fingers OP.

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  Meettitan  |  14

He doesn't satisfy her.

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If OP has access to car, they can always drive out to have a smoke or have sex in the car. Or take a walk around, maybe find a cheap hotel or secluded area. You make it sound like a prison.. Be a little adventurous, you should be old enough to go wherever you want.

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  AninOnin  |  24

Who ever said it was a holy house? They may just forbid all of that due to personal preferences. Maybe the smell of smoke makes them sick, or one of them is a recovering alcoholic, or they simply don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by awkward noises. "Holy" has nothing to do with it.

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  MaydayParadexx  |  18

162- No, the Bible says you can only have sex while trying to make a baby. Not just because you're married.

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  MP78_fml  |  7

FS I really have never read anything about sex being only for procreation. When reading Hebrews 13:4 it says "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral." Sexually Immorral only refers to sodomy, and many Christians branches take "Go forth and multiple" quite seriously. I know of people that would force their wives to have 13 children, or more. So, according to them you should always be having sex, because you should always be procreating. There is the "sin of Onan" which is interpreted by some as it is sinful to have sex not related to procreation, but I myself would think it would just be interpreted as sinful because he refused to get her pregnant when it was his duty. It was very popular for a man to marry his brother's widow, as seen with king Henry when he married Catherine, but after he inadequacy to produce a son, he had their marriage declared wrong because she was his brother's widow. In Corinthians 1, 7 it states "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command," and then later, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn." Obviously sex without the intentions of procreation is okay if you're a Christian that follows the bible. (This wasn't to be crazy religious, for I'm not a crazy religious person. I just wanted to clear up a false notion, because it would aid to the experience of everyone, and maybe scare away the anti-sexual people that use false notions to support their hate. No, masturbating will not make you blind.)

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184- You're an idiot! Maybe if you got your head out of uou ass, you would be able to read the FML which actually states that OP is staying in a "Holy House" of which her in-laws own.

By  Ainarr  |  23

I do not understand people that can't go two weeks without this sort of stuff. It's disgusting.

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  Inheritance  |  10

All honesty if I was in OPs situation and I was a girl, and I couldn't do any of that stuff, I'd probably go insane. So my guess this is just for more sanity than pleasure.

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  cristy91  |  33

I wouldn't say disgusting so much as lack of control. You should be able to maintain your desires under control for at least two weeks. Plus you can rub one off in the shower, or in the car, or go to a by the hour motel if it gets really bad.

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Well #2, you're only sixteen so I'm just going to guess you've never had a good orgasm before.

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  LiterOfCola  |  16

14: ~I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that only and all Republicans are judgmental.~ You are the epitome of ignorant and it's sad that people thumb you up. You're judging that guy and an entire group based off of a stereotype; behavior you'd never get away with if it were stereotyping anyone else. You realize the only reason that whole planned parenthood controversial decision by Mitt, the only reason I can think of for your comment, was made was because of the idea that taxes shouldn't go to people's sex lives, not because its "disgusting" to have a sex life. (Personally, I wouldn't have said that about planned parenthood by the way. But clearly you misinterpreted the reasoning behind that decision and think you know the answers) Honestly, just shut up. You're the type of person that perpetuates judgements so don't try to make claims about them.

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  newbiehere99  |  6

I wouldn't say it's disgusting. However, now it's time that OP get acquainted to five of her closets friends: Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky. If she's feeling really extreme, I hear that each one of those friends have a twin o_0

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  LiterOfCola  |  16

I'm sorry, are you forgetting that there are two political parties dedicated to "agreeing with each other?" I'm not sure if you're aware, but the gay-hating community makes up a small percentage of the republican platform. I've no problem with gays. I do, however, have a problem with people like you generalizing and using your sexuality as an excuse. Is it okay for a black person to call white people racists since they know a white guy that's racist? No, so stop talking.

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  permannator  |  10

47- couldn't agree with you more. Stereotypic comments and stereotypes in general are becoming everyday things, which is childish and an over all bad thing. And as hard as your comments are to thumb up, I made the extra effort :)

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  LiterOfCola  |  16

By the way, you literally couldn't live further in the south than I do in the United States mainland, and I can assure you that none of my republican friends or family would judge you for being gay. The fact that you use that as an excuse to make slanted comments would offend though.

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  Metallica36176  |  16

#2 Its nice that you feel that way. A sixteen year old that's not a whore and think its disgusting that people are weak and can't go 2 weeks without that stuff. A better choice of words couldve been used but I'm happy at your "maturity". Bring on the thumbs down because I support her not being all over the place (from what I got) :)

By  BadApple88  |  29

Buy some duh

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  gc327072  |  29

168- yo duhwg....

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  mfischer  |  17

Or maybe even a creepy Gollum face.

By  TopBanana20  |  11

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.

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  TopBanana20  |  11

That 1984 reference made my night! and I think 2 got thumbed down because she said it was "disgusting". I don't think it's disgusting, but I do think you can survive 2 weeks without your "quietest" toy. :)

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  BlueFlatts  |  20

1. Your fingers are quieter than your quietist toy. 2. Staying at your In-laws house for two weeks, depending on the state of things someone might need a release or two. 3. If you can't escape them, well 2 can play at that game. 4. Don't do anything too reckless.

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  Teyros  |  23

98 - I also saw a picture on someone's FML. Not only did it say 1+3=5, but. 1+1=3... if you don't wear a condom. Anyone else remember seeing that?

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  MrSassypants  |  31

They won't allow anything remotely sexual. You know how sexual walking out the house is?

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  Metallica36176  |  16

What I don't get is "nothing remotely sexual" yet they had to have sex to have OPs partner...I mean I get its their house but I'm kinda wondering if theyre aloud to have that stuff but just wants to watch the daughter-in-law squirm.

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  chellyX92  |  8

78, if its due to religious values and its the religion I'm thinking about, the act of sex is purely reproduction. No pleasure. I believe that's the concept. If my assumptions are right.

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  SammyS2012  |  21

I don't know about you, but the entire world didn't just lose their religion. I think most of the world still has a religion they hold sacred; not all, but some. And that's their choice.

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  cellonerd646  |  1

Your assumptions are wrong:/ sex is actually viewed as "a gift from god" to be highly enjoyable to both involved. It's just meant to be enjoyed with the bonds of marriage.

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  teresee  |  8

Sometimes you can only buy battery packs when you buy the device, for example a camera that you need a special battery for. Besides buying another special battery pack would be pricey

By  kyleekay  |  24

Wait. They are going to forbid you from sexual relations with your spouse? Everything else seems somewhat reasonable, but I don't see how they should be able to tell you what you and your husband can or can't do behind closed doors (assuming your husband is with you, that is).

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  zango1  |  15

I tend to agree with you about the 'behind closed doors' sentiment but if the door is under the parents roof I would say it's reasonable that they have some say. Even if her parents were fine with it I'm not sure I feel comfortable messing around with my girlfriend at their house.

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  loveingit  |  7

Do they have a closed door? My in-laws stick us in the living room. I can see asking someone to stay dressed if you might have to walk past them to get a glass of water. But the no drinking and smoking added to it just sound like the parents want to be in control. Renting a hotel room might make for a better trip.

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  myeviltwin  |  20

Actually I can understand the no smoking thing better than the no sex. I smoke, but do not do or allow it in my house. But asking a married couple to abstain from "relations" (as long as it is in private and does not disturb others) there is no reason for that. Unlike smoking it does not affect anyone else in the house (providing the in private and does not disturb qualifiers are met).

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  juturnaamo  |  29

OP never gives any indication of her age. The fact that they have no option but to stay at his parents house makes me think they're young, we don't even know she can legally drink. Also, a good number of smokers are really bad about butt disposal.

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Personally, I think it would be rude for them to be have sex in his parents house, especially if they could be possibly within earshot. If they want a night, then they can get their own place. Just like you wouldn't want your parents doing it in your home.

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  chellyX92  |  8

Regardless if OP is married, it isn't their house. If the owners of the house don't want you to have sex, you respect their wishes and just don't, or go somewhere else to do the deed.

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  doodlecloud  |  26

I'm always a bit funny about these 'their house, their rules' because I can see both sides of the story and think it somewhat depends on the rule. However, I have to put this out there right now 34 - if you believe 'their house their rules' being married should have nothing to do with it. It's ridiculous. Lots of people don't get married now. I intend to marry my boyfriend but I know it won't be for about 5 years because we simply don't have the money. I hate how some people look down on a relationship and treat it like a teenage fling just because someone's not wearing a ring.

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  doodlecloud  |  26

Likewise, some people get married despite having a bad relationship ship or get married after like a few months and their relationships are actually worse than a teenage fling. So yeah, it's not such a different dynamic.

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  WhisperSoflty  |  20

Did anyone ever consider that maybe said in laws just don't want to wash sexed-up sheets? Sex can be messy, and when my hubby and I stay at his parents we abstain from sex because we don't want his parents having to deal with nasty bedding.

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