Miscellaneous: Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush...

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 758

You deserved it 73 886

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Same thing different taste

By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/09/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 294

You deserved it 5 011

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 10:30 - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 911

You deserved it 15 151

Pissed

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 05:01

Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 393

Show off

By badluck_jean - 17/01/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 752

You deserved it 11 113

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 931

You deserved it 256

Show off

By a stupid jackass - 22/06/2012 01:28 - United States - New York

Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 37 544

By Ryan746 - 09/06/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 680

You deserved it 47 013

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 679

You deserved it 25 635

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 15 177

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 332

You deserved it 7 438

Wheredidgrungego 12

Sunday 13 March 2011 23:55

Yeah because all any girl wants is a guy who can crush things with his head. Idiot.

samadams42 0

Sunday 13 March 2011 23:56

They should've drawn pussy on your forhead.

Comments

nlr 9

Monday 14 March 2011 0:04

hey! I just moderated this! I'm so proud of my self!

timtamslam 19

Monday 14 March 2011 0:24

same! :D

nlr 9

Monday 14 March 2011 0:31

really? my sister read this earlier saying her boyfriend wouldve done the same thing! I laughed so hard!

KVKdragon 26

Monday 14 March 2011 0:05

neanderthal award for the day goes to you OP. YTDI.

pickles1994 18

Monday 14 March 2011 9:09

win

disney_blonde 16

Monday 14 March 2011 0:05

No normal girl is impressed by that. I figured guys did that to show off to other guys.

tbj42409 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:05

are you stupid?

Avenged7Gabe 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:31

no but you are

prinzess_fml 25

Monday 14 March 2011 1:01

Hey, Avenged = OP by any chance?

dudeitsdanny 9

Monday 14 March 2011 1:12

Nah, he's just a retarded troll. Or just a retard.

db_rainblow 0

Monday 14 March 2011 3:40

do you really need to ask?

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Monday 14 March 2011 4:32

or just a troll.

sweet_candy_ 17

Monday 14 March 2011 0:07

That is not impressive. You fail op.

young_al 4

Monday 14 March 2011 3:59

Maybe OP likes girls that can crush cans with their head!:p YDI

sweet_candy_ 17

Monday 14 March 2011 7:24

I wonder where he will find a girl that does that.

aardvarkish 15

Monday 14 March 2011 10:46

My first guess is Texas. (joke. I'm from there)

valri3 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:07

StO0piD

hey_its_kristi 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:07

This is the funniest I have read in a while. I wish I had been there to see it!

ViperSeven 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:08

This was my FML! Someone else changed it and submitted it!

chillamastr92 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:15

YDI.

ViperSeven 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:09

This was my FML! Someone changed it ajd submitted it as their own!

KUSHaholic 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:12

Fuckk ur life too

KUSHaholic 0

Monday 14 March 2011 0:10

aha ... ahahaa ....... ahahahahahahaa

Keywords

Love Music Cute Gross Coworkers TMI Work Racism Customers Kids Scary Gamers Technology Geek Miscellaneous Neighbours Relatable DIY Social Media Ironic Awkward Cheating Sex Animals Health Insects Plumbing Money Insurance Farts

The Top

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 474

You deserved it 5 087

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 177

You deserved it 47 576

The Top

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 508

You deserved it 2 502

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 680

You deserved it 1 141

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 600

You deserved it 17 926

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterwards, we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shook hands with asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 705

You deserved it 4 398

Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 415

Today, like every day since the new neighbors moved into the townhouse next door, their newborn won’t stop crying. The room the two toddlers and newborn are in apparently shares a wall with my bedroom, so I hear crying while I work remote, study remote, and try to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 125

Same thing different taste

Pissed

Show off

Show off

Romantic move

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