Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my eyes crusted shut and a boner. Oh, I... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Just kill me now - 12/02/2016 16:42 - United States - Medford

Today, I woke up with my eyes crusted shut and a boner. Oh, I was also completely naked, in my living room. I have family over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

No comments yet.

Comments

No comments yet.

Keywords

Teenagers Friends Love Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Work Revenge Awkward Parents Relatable Weird Miscellaneous Health Job interview Facebook Social Media Jealousy Relationship advice AITA Kids Shoes Annoying Roommate Music Names Customers Education Capitalism

The Top

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 151

Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 159

The Top

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 034

You deserved it 2 310

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 401

You deserved it 2 572

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 043

You deserved it 3 926

Today, my soon-to-be ex doesn’t understand why I get so pissed that he has to consult his ex-wife over every little thing we do, including needing her blessing for us to get engaged. It’s none of her damn business, yet he insists he’s merely trying to not hurt her feelings. Fuck him and her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 246

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 509

You deserved it 1 585

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 691

You deserved it 4 121