Love: Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully...

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 414

You deserved it 34 821

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 574

You deserved it 7 507

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 25 162

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 674

You deserved it 2 370

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 6 744

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 05:40 - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 674

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 518

You deserved it 3 236

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 546

You deserved it 5 912

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 679

You deserved it 4 556

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 876

You deserved it 11 301

By Maggie - 18/03/2013 19:38 - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 611

You deserved it 3 505

needleinmypants_fml 3

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:12

did you had a fun night? some ppl have animal fetishes. don't worry I respect it.

hiyourcute 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:17

There's no shame in puppy love

Comments

traze 7

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:19

Girl you to get out and find yourself a man seriously or you might find peps giving you weird looks.

daddyZHOM3 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:20

get some!

michaelm1290 23

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:21

Are you used to sleeping with gorilla juice heads that are as hairy as a dog?

sourgirl101 28

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:25

I guess you love your dog. Nothing wrong with that. (:

hellokat1 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:28

Yea Op, don't feel bad. Dogs are the best :)

KristinaKreme 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:33

Says the cat. ;]

hellokat1 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:46

Even though my dp is of my cat, my dogs are always #1.

iRCassxD 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:28

Aw. [:

mrahhhhh 21

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:34

Looks like you're that dog's bitch.

agSWAAAAG 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:35

you say good morning to your dog....I don't see why that's so bad. at least your not waking up to some random man

bubblekitty 1

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:36

dogs have personalities too

enonymous 8

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:37

Your dog must not have seen how the other 10 guy snuck out of your bed after a one night stand.

oSaraho_fml 2

Sunday 22 May 2011 2:39

and what's wrong with that?

Keywords

Music Cute Love Gross Work Coworkers TMI Racism Scary Kids Customers Gamers Geek Technology Neighbours Miscellaneous Relatable DIY Social Media Ironic Awkward Sex Cheating Insects Animals Health Plumbing Money Insurance Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 168

Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 248

The Top

Today, I got a bill for $62.70 because my company gave my last work car to some idiot who doesn't like to pay the toll road fees. They never took me off the registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 111

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 664

You deserved it 7 394

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 265

You deserved it 14 293

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 6 800

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 241

You deserved it 8 523

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 507

You deserved it 44 161

Same thing different taste

Good boy

Hold me close

Top comments

Comments