Love: Today, I woke up in the arms of a very beautiful woman in her... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By loserlesbian - 21/02/2016 00:55 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I woke up in the arms of a very beautiful woman in her bed. Unfortunately, this was our first full day as housemates after moving my stuff in, we aren't in a relationship and we've known each other less than a week, and there's no contract so if it gets weird she can ask me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Insurance Awkward Plumbing Money Relatable Cheating Suspicious AITA Relationship advice Love Weird First Dates Marriage Poopoo peepee Gross Health Mental health Cars Death Parenting Family Kids Miscellaneous Transportation Capitalism My ex Instagram Social Media Friends Public freakouts

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Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 554

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 785

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Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 518

You deserved it 24 550

Today, a customer at the bar I work at yelled at me for calling her "Ma'am." I asked what she'd prefer, and she gave me her name. When I called her by her name, she yelled at me for not calling her "Ma'am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 935

You deserved it 125

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 2 861

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 740

You deserved it 9 748

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 100

Today, I found out that the one who got away just had a baby, and named it after me. My current longtime girlfriend and I already decided not to have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 699