Alcohol, Drunk, Weird and Parents: Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad...

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 749

You deserved it 3 744

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 088

You deserved it 3 059

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 534

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 701

You deserved it 2 757

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 629

You deserved it 41 561

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 10 094

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 528

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 393

By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 9 818

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 4 955

Welshite 39

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:16

That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.

kimblie 15

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:17

at least he's an amusing drunk?

Comments

stereotype101 7

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:21

Sounds like your did is pretty cool...

olpally 32

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:22

This should be on YouTube. Lol. What a drunk idiot.

kellenp10 9

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:22

You should've chopped his dick off

xxxkassixxx 8

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:23

This children is why you don't drink

8born8 18

Wednesday 6 November 2013 0:44

This children is why you should have a sense of humor.

perdix 29

Wednesday 6 November 2013 1:54

This, children, is why you should learn to use commas.

xxxkassixxx 8

Wednesday 6 November 2013 13:58

It all though you should not drink no joke :p

sdroze1389 31

Tuesday 21 January 2014 10:46

whoa perdix, that's some fourth grade education. you're giving them to much credit.

awilliams44 9

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:25

He's drunk just push him over and shave!

NinjaToast1026 2

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:30

What about no shave November?

yourmom224 9

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:32

No shave November, that's why he said that

JMichael 25

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:39

At least he didn't say "SHUT THE DAMN DOOR, I'M TRYING TO POOP!!"

8born8 18

Wednesday 6 November 2013 0:46

At least he didn't try to imitate a chimp and fling poo at you.

JMichael 25

Wednesday 6 November 2013 3:25

Oh that's nasty

8born8 18

Wednesday 6 November 2013 3:29

it's true though, chimpanzees fling their poop. Gross, yes. Nasty? Gorillas are nasty.... They eat theirs.

johnpaisley 6

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:41

Please tell me he wasn't holding his staff when this occured

screamin_seaman 1

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:51

Epic dads do epic things

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The Top

Today, I was expected by my supervisor to drive out to one of our office's server locations. My car was dead and I couldn't go unless he gave me a ride, as he's the only coworker local to me; he couldn't because he's on vacation. I sent him a video of my car failing to crank. He responded, "You need to be more mobile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 129

Today, I confronted my ex-employer about the money he owes me. He'd said he would pay me $3000. He asked me if I had it in writing. I said no. He said, “Well, too bad for you. No leg to stand on.” Then, in a cringey Indian accent, “Thank you, come again!” and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 2 538

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 760

You deserved it 10 999

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 212

You deserved it 3 566

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 377

You deserved it 215

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 424

You deserved it 7 997

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 568

Same thing different taste

Night terrors

Skittish

Anger management

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