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gamerlaura Say more :
Actually the reason he was sleeping was he was drunk. Plus he offered to feed her when she first woke up as he was already up and told me to go back to sleep. So that's what I get when my boyfriend wants to take the first night feed he has ever done in the 17 weeks since she was born. FML
By gamerlaura - / Sunday 14 August 2016 03:33 / United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog
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By  InfiniteSunshine  |  32

Personally, just because I have an alcoholic father (not saying your bf is one), I don't think he should have fed the baby at that time because he was drunk. This is for many reasons, such as this one, the baby could have gotten in trouble being unsupervised cause he passed out. Being drunk you're a little unstable too, best not to handle a baby at this time. There's just too much of a possibility of accidentally falling and hurting them. My dad slipped and fell down the stairs with me once because of the drinking, luckily he landed on his butt, so I was pretty protected and only got a hairline fracture on my leg, but it could have been much worse. It's been 17 weeks and he hasn't cared for his own child at night once though, time to tell him he needs to help in this way too, at least sometimes, when he isn't drinking and can actually get the job done.

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By  gamerlaura  |  13

Actually the reason he was sleeping was he was drunk. Plus he offered to feed her when she first woke up as he was already up and told me to go back to sleep. So that's what I get when my boyfriend wants to take the first night feed he has ever done in the 17 weeks since she was born. FML

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Personally, just because I have an alcoholic father (not saying your bf is one), I don't think he should have fed the baby at that time because he was drunk. This is for many reasons, such as this one, the baby could have gotten in trouble being unsupervised cause he passed out. Being drunk you're a little unstable too, best not to handle a baby at this time. There's just too much of a possibility of accidentally falling and hurting them. My dad slipped and fell down the stairs with me once because of the drinking, luckily he landed on his butt, so I was pretty protected and only got a hairline fracture on my leg, but it could have been much worse. It's been 17 weeks and he hasn't cared for his own child at night once though, time to tell him he needs to help in this way too, at least sometimes, when he isn't drinking and can actually get the job done.

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Sounds like you guys really need to have a talk. It's a terrible way to start off parenthood! It should be a partnership, and if he's not pulling his weight, it's really unfair to you. Communicate!

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  fooltemptress  |  35

Why in the hell did you think it was even remotely appropriate to let someone who's been drinking care for and feed a 17 week old baby unsupervised? While I understand the allure of sleep, choosing that night of all nights to get it was just plain stupid. An accident could have happened and the baby could have been seriously injured, or worse. Once your bf is sober, you definitely need to have a chat with him about pulling his weight at night more. It's important for him to do so for yours and the baby's sakes.

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  sazarra  |  14

I honestly don't think it was that she thought it was appropriate or not, but maybe had something to do with the fact that she's been caring for this baby by herself for the entire 17 weeks?! God you guys are fucking assholes for judging her the way you are. I can imagine she was close to passing out when her boyfriend offered and thought or at least hopes he could finally do something right.

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  Maat_Attack  |  7

No #12 they are 100 percent right. Telling it how it is, while it can hurt, doesn't make someone an asshole. They are not sugar coating it and they are not coddling OP saying it will be all right. Letting a drunk person, be it the father or someone else, care for a newborn, or any other stage of dependent child, is completely irresponsible. As others have said so many things could have gone wrong and the baby could have been seriously injured or worse. I understand sleep is so nice when you have a new born and can be very appealing, but you should have told your boyfriend to go to bed and you would take care of the baby. Sit him down, have a talk. What he did was irresponsible too and the fact that he has not pitched in, especially at night, is something you need to confront. It is his child as much as yours and he needs to help out.

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  HawaiiThad  |  14

YDI for not getting him involved sooner. Dads are part of this process too. Show him the ropes the first few times. Give him advice and assistance if he wants it. But get him involved!!

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  jttorkildson  |  18

Everyone is assuming that she knew her boyfriend was drunk before she let him take the feeding, stop doing that. It's easy to paint the mom as a bad guy, but she woke up, her partner told her he would take care of something so she trusted him and went back to sleep. She shouldn't have to give him a breathalyzer before he goes to touch their baby. You're all acting like the mom is in charge and gets to decide whether or not the dad gets to help, that not how it's supposed to work, so stop making this her responsibility. The dad put the baby in danger by himself.

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  sazarra  |  14

#13 I think you missed the part where she said, he was awake and told her to go BACK to sleep. Meaning she was asleep when the baby needed to be fed and probably didn't know or realize he was drunk until later when she went to check on her crying baby.

By  Chernobylz  |  4

You guys are saying he should shouldn't be taking care of the baby while drunk, which is true, but she had the chance to stop him. So this falls on her. Note, I'm not excusing his behavior simply shining light on how the blame can go both ways.

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  missymaster  |  16

Agreed. Clearly they are both too irresponsible to have children. One would rather drink than take care of his own baby and the other one would rather let her drunk boyfriend take care of a baby so she could sleep. Hardly an ideal parenting partnership. Both parents need to smarten the f up and take care of that defenseless 17 week old baby.

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  deathshead  |  19

what happened was stupid, and they do need to remedy the situation, but I hardly think one night means they're unfit to be parents, from the sounds of it this was the first major issue, there are people who use their kids as a way to get more from welfare and what not, and spend food stamps on alcohol and cigarettes, now those people are irresponsible.

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  Chernobylz  |  4

Yes, she does. She woke to take care of the child. Instead of doing that she let her drunk partner take care of it and went back to sleep. This whole thing wouldn't have happened if she didn't let him.

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Honestly, it sounds like the father has had issues from the moment the baby came home and probably well before, this falls directly on op because she chose sleep over her child's safety. It was completely preventable if she acted like a responsible parent.

By  LittleLittlered7  |  6

Hopefully, he went in to feed her the last time and just fell asleep. The fact that he didn't hear her AND fell asleep while holding her is scary. Just take care of all the night feedings from now on

By  nitemastr15  |  17

For all of you saying that the dad isn't pulling his weight, go back and read OP's follow up. this is the first NIGHT feed. not the first time taking care of the baby at all.

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OP's profile also says she's a full-time mom, so not only is she taking care of the kid for probably most of the day, she's doing all the night work too. The fact that he hasn't taken care of his kid at night means he isn't pulling his weight. Night time is one of the hardest times, you get woken up at all hours by a crying child, during a time when you're not supposed to be awake. You have to physically get out if bed, soothe them for a while, then try and go back to sleep. It can leave you very sleep deprived which is why, especially for this time, it should be balanced, so no one gets too stressed out. The dad needs to take some parental responsibility in this area and give mom a break, it's his kid too.

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  Handerson  |  4

Except imagine having to do all this and actually go to work the next day. If she's a full time mum then it means she has 24 hours to do all her stuff. Her boyfriend probably only has 12 or less

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  Maat_Attack  |  7

#48 full time mother =/= super human who no longer needs sleep. Yes the father probably works, but that does not excuse him form having to help with nightly duties. Yes OP may be home all day, but she has to take care of the house and the baby, run her errands, with the baby, and any other thing that she needs to get done, while also caring for the baby. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume you have no children and or you have never cared for a baby. You don't get to lounge around the house and nap/relax all day. Having a baby is the same as having a full time job. It is not easy and OP having to do all the night work along with a large majority, if not all the day work, can also be very dangerous since she is probably very exhausted.

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