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By NewFiancee - / Tuesday 11 August 2009 00:21 / United States
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By  Orchid_fml  |  2

he's your fiance && your parents weren't even told about it ? you think , telling them when prompted , that he's not your boyfriend anymore was a good way of breaking the news ? YDI .

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  baby_1  |  0

oh tell me about it. my mum's hated all of my boyfriends apart from one; she seems to think the sun shines outta his arse! it really doesn't.

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  genius_man16  |  0

It's probably just the overprotective "no one is good enough for my munchkin" thing going on. My parents always like my gf's when i'm dating them but if we break up they 'confess' to me about how much they really hated them. Lol. My parents rule. @OP: YDI for saying "no". Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking? This isn't a "am i pretty?" --> "no, you're beautiful!" situation. Just say "yes, although he's my fiance now." Twatmuffin.

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  DameGreyWulf  |  0

Twatmuffin... I always thought muffin could be baker innuendo for a vag anyway? YOU CALLED HER DOUBLE PUSSY? Let's put some cream in that muffin, DOHOHOHOHO [ahemahem] Really, OP, why didn't you just say he was your fiance? You just said "no" and left it at that? Lol at your parents though, suckssss...

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  Xader  |  0

Well, if they know enough to use the word "douchebag", then he probably is. Watch one episode of "is she really going out with him" IF you see any traits that your now-fiance shares, then yes; he IS a douchebag

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  usnwife  |  18

My parents weren't fond of my boyfriend until we get married. They just didn't want me seeing anyone, but once we tied the knot they realize they couldn't change my mind, in ally got to know him, and now really like him. Op, hopefully your parents will come around!

By  caancoha  |  0

Oh snap. Well, if your parents believe that he was a shitbag, then he probably was.

By  Orchid_fml  |  2

he's your fiance && your parents weren't even told about it ? you think , telling them when prompted , that he's not your boyfriend anymore was a good way of breaking the news ? YDI .

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  philly8608  |  0

To be fair, maybe she was going out to dinner with her parents to break the news to them. Although the 'classy' thing to do would have been for her boyfriend to ask her parents before proposing and/or at least informing them. Maybe the OP's parents are right? After that I've got nothing. I'm pretty sure you still go on dates with your fiancee or, at the very least, an answer of "he's my fiancee now" would have been a more apt response.

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  cucuto89  |  0

its the classy thing to do, asking her parents permission has nothing to do with getting her parents permission, its just a polite thing to do before her dad gives her away

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  Puolukka  |  4

I don't think it has anything to do with being polite...it's an old fashioned thing from times where women didn't have the right to decide for themselves. I do think it's awesome it a guy does it, but by no means do I think a guy HAS TO or SHOULD do it... If my husband had asked my Dad for permission my Dad would have said no...so he didn't even bother to ask in the first place. After all it's my decision who I'm going to marry and not to whom my parents decide to give me away.

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  cxal_fml  |  0

No man who thinks of his woman as a capable, thinking human being would even consider asking her parents permission for marriage. You only do that for one of two reasons 1) The woman is her parents property and you want to know how much you need to "pay" for her (why asking permission was done in the past) or 2) You think your girlfriend isn't capable of knowing who she wants to marry, and that only you and her father are capable of making that decision for her. You can't get any unclassier, more insulting and ruder to your future wife than asking her parents for their permisiion. I f you have even an ounce of respect for your girlfriend you won't dare consider it

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  _THE_MASTER_  |  0

wow...just wow cxal...asking for a father's blessing is more to do with bonding with him and showing him that you respect him and will be a proper man to his daughter. an old tradition, yes, but one that most parents looks forward to. it has nothing to do with showing a lack of respect for the daughter, it has to do with showing your respect for her father. just my 2 cents, i guess

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  Luckster  |  0

Tradition? I thought that shit only happens when "Daddy" owns a shotgun and will murder any bastard that comes near his "baby girl" without permission.

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  MysticCeltic  |  0

It's called respect, something this society seems to be losing as each generation becomes more stupid! Respect for the family this so-called man is going to be part of obviously, but more importantly the father that seeded this girl into the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm only 24, and yet to be married but you can bet your ass I'll be talking to the father before I ask for any girls' hand in marriage!

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  1known_fml  |  8

One of the great thing XXth century brought is that at last the women are now considered as individuals. Respect is asking her if she agrees. Her family does not have to say anything about her decision. It's her life, not theirs. Of course you'll have to talk to the relatives, and hopefully, to get along with them. But after she said yes. Not before.

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  USMC_Marine  |  0

1Known stop Trying to act witty, it has nothing to do whether or not your a girl. It's called respect for others. It's not like your supposed to get married in a las vegas drive through without concern of parents. You should lay off the Водка.

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  theanonimouse  |  0

Yeah, it has a lot to do with "whether or not your [sic] a girl." Notice the man is supposed to ask the woman's father - not her parents, not her mother, but her father. This is in line with the traditional view of marriage as passing the woman from the care of her father to the care of her husband - quite sexist if you ask me. For me, having "respect for others" would be respecting the woman you're asking to marry you and allowing her to make her own decisions. If you felt the need to inform her parents, (notice the plural here), that's all fine and dandy - but I'd be damned if my fiance had to ask my father for "permission."

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  1known_fml  |  8

->theanonimouse Do I have to say that I can only agree with you. ;-) ->USMC_Marine Just a question: What would you do if you love a girl, who loves you and you both want to get married, but her father cannot see you and doesn't want both of you to get married?

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You people seem to be confusing asking for the father's blessing with asking for his permission. I don't think I've ever heard of a case where a guy has decided not to ask a girl to marry him just because his father didn't want him to. You're exactly right, it's not up to the father to decide if they can marry, but it is respectful to tell him of your intentions, whether he agrees with it or not.

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  bexox  |  0

To those that are defending the tradition: Ask youselves why it must be the FATHER'S permission to wed. Why not both the parents? It has to do with what theanonimouse was saying in #28. Personally, I'd rather my fiance DIDN'T ask my father's permission. I also don't want my father to give me away. I just think it's a little ridiculous. If you did that for your wedding or plan on doing that, fine, but I just don't want to feel like "daddy" is making my decisions.

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  tukker  |  0

What's wrong with asking for the parent's blessing? If you know the parents support you two being together, than it should make things alot easier

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  bexox  |  0

Well, I don't want to get married until I'm older. Probably 26 at the very youngest. I want to have my doctorate before I'm married, and by that time, I'll be emotionally and financially independent from my parents. If they don't like who I'm marrying, screw 'em.

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  shelbtron  |  0

yeah, you people are fucking idiots, it's not permission, it's the formality of asking the parents for their blessing. BLESSING. as in to make everything SMOOOOTHER. as in "it'll help you out in the end." to you stupid cuntmonkeys who are like "oh yeah independence rah rah rah! no more sexist proposals! don't tell my parents!!" can you guys please stfu. women who scream for "independence" and to be "equal" are all fuckin' hypocrites, and this isn't me being a misogynist, which I am definitely not, but it's me being honest. What about the age old example of women who deem themselves independent etc. but still whine about chivalry being dead and how men don't open doors for them anymore?

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  theanonimouse  |  0

Yeah, what about that example? It doesn't mean any woman who wants equality is a "fuckin' hypocrite." Honestly, you can't justify misogynistic remarks simply by stating, "but I'm not a misogynist!" And the whole point of the argument is that you don't ask the parents' permission - you ask the father's permission. It comes from an age-old tradition of the father passing the daughter from his ownership to that of her new husband, much like a piece of property, (which is what women were considered for quite some time). You can't deny a tradition's heritage just because you find it inconvenient to your argument.

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to all of you saying that it's the woman's decision: yes it is, but think for a moment how you'd feel if you were a father and some young man was going to take your daughter away from you to start a new family (assuming the daughter is living with family). I'd at least want a head's up before decisions are made! Whether he asks for permission, he doesn't need to, but a father has a right to know that this man is going to take good care of his daughter, don't you think that's a father's right to want to be concerned?! now i understand if the daughter doesn't live with her family- which seems to be the case a lot these days- that the boyfriend wouldn't ask the father, especially if the father hasn't played a big role in his daughter's life.... but for those girls that come from families with both a father and mother (which I understand and respect that it isn't always the case), it seems like it would just be respectful to the father if the boyfriend would at least explain to the father that he's in love with his girlfriend and would like for the father's approval (not permission, but either blessing or approval, depending on your religious beliefs). Likely, the father will approve or give his blessing whether he's crazy about the boyfriend or not, simply because the boyfriend showed that he actually cares about the father's opinion. I'm sorry if I seem closed-minded, I'm respectful of everyone's opinions. what you do is up to you, you live your life how you want to. but i'd just like to point this out from a father's perspective.

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  theanonimouse  |  0

Okay, first off, why would the father need to know that this man would "take good care of his daughter"? Can his daughter not take care of herself? I always thought marriage was an equal partnership between two people, not a pass-off of the daughter from the care of the father to the care of the new husband. Second, why should he only give the father a heads-up? If the daughter still lives with the family, (and assuming a traditional two-parent household), wouldn't the man be taking the daughter from her mother just as much as he was taking her from her father?

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