Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received...

By paranoid neighborhood - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 341

You deserved it 4 225

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

WHO ARE YOU?

By Targeted - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 2 889

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 425

You deserved it 4 474

Creeped out

By emoney - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 598

You deserved it 3 766

Suspect

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 389

You deserved it 2 848

BIKES?!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 705

You deserved it 6 287

Which side are you on?

By thefuckman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 941

You deserved it 1 689

What the…?

By ohbiebjetaime - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 336

You deserved it 3 338

Piss off

By KaySchrages92 - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 654

You deserved it 3 889

I hate myself

By trixanne - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 713

You deserved it 3 903

Not a morning person at the best of times

By shouldhavestayedinbed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 2 162

UrYousername 15

Wednesday 27 November 2013 22:53

At least you're wanted! Some of us can't say the same.

JasonUMN 15

Wednesday 27 November 2013 22:54

Just be glad you weren't carrying Skittles on you.

Comments

SimplyBird 9

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:07

you didn't choose the thug life...

Sports_guy3 28

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:32

...the thug life chose him.

jerryj 27

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:10

Change clothes quickly before the thug does his business and you get framed!

minesbiggerr 25

Thursday 28 November 2013 1:16

He is the so called 'thug'

touch_phobia 13

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:10

Well... at least you know the watch is active? Maybe you should try and get to know your neighbors. Not that I've ever been good at that :/

MakeTodayADTR 20

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:10

Well, I guess you really didn't choose the thug life. xD

WaterBui 9

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:11

Well then, you must be scary-looking.

fluffywaspluka 7

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:19

“I am the danger”

SystemofaBlink41 27

Thursday 28 November 2013 2:25

Excuse me? Are you perhaps the one who knocks?

Readoll 13

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:21

Well atleast you know people are watching out for the neighborhood

MysticMonkey 9

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:25

Where's George Zimmerman when you need him? Damn hooligans!

kellyem2 20

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:26

If you can, I'd text back. You don't want to keep getting these stupid messages every time you step out of your house.

Edumcg 24

Wednesday 27 November 2013 23:38

"THE MANIAC'S IN THE MAILBOX" -Patrick.

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The Top

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 650

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 004

You deserved it 21 832

The Top

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 460

You deserved it 4 542

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 4 098

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 101

Today, I quit my job because I wasn't given the time or space to pump for my newborn child. I went back to work 4 weeks postpartum, and they suggested I pump in the bathroom, my car or the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 223

Today, alone at my new company, the guy who works the front desk joined me for lunch. I was touched at first, but then he proceeded to have a conversation (against my will) with me about Whitney Houston, for over an hour. That's one lunch break I'll never get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 180

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 388

Same thing different taste

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