Animals: Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying...

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 273

You deserved it 62 318

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Same thing different taste

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 832

You deserved it 29 322

The passenger

By F.L.Stubbs - 05/08/2023 00:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 128

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 512

You deserved it 32 141

By jess - 07/03/2010 14:08 - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 023

You deserved it 4 682

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 377

You deserved it 6 723

By failure461 - 13/06/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 565

You deserved it 41 924

Yummy

By munckncruncj15 - 22/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 240

You deserved it 36 935

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 252

You deserved it 42 459

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 553

You deserved it 47 982

Impressive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 04:58

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 197

_rawrasaur_ 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:10

Would have loved to see your face at the moment you realised.

f_my_life88 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:09

Did it taste like chicken?

Comments

americayay 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:21

You should probably cut that habit.

noshitsherlock 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:23

hhahahhaah if this is real, quick reflexes!!! a pen?!

tay7 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:26

hahah this is priceless made my day

poopymonsters 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:29

its not that bad at all i eat flies, spiders, grasshoppers etc. on a daily basis i dont understand how your life is ******

therearesecrets 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:31

Karma.

yourmysunshine 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:34

i hate flies with a passion! that's so gross dude...

YellowHell 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:40

YDI. You disguisting. **** you.

noshitsherlock 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:53

You can't spell for shit! **** YOU!

mayhembaby 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 11:28

hahahahha i love you

lil_cig 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:44

That's really gross. You must be really quick though, next time try catching the fly with a pair of chopsticks :D

Neferria 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 9:45

Pay more attention next time. And why would you even use a pen to kill it? Use something disposable.

16274692 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 10:29

Egg flied rice.

Keywords

Love Music Cute Work Gross Coworkers TMI Racism Kids Scary Customers Geek Gamers Technology Miscellaneous Neighbours Relatable DIY Social Media Ironic Sex Awkward Cheating Animals Health Insects Insurance Plumbing Money Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 782

You deserved it 3 096

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 998

You deserved it 2 751

The Top

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 272

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 069

You deserved it 6 811

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 112

You deserved it 2 605

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 138

You deserved it 4 597

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 225

You deserved it 3 529

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 265