Miscellaneous: Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on... - FML

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 46 705

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Same thing different taste

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 555

You deserved it 27 858

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 456

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 258

You deserved it 31 978

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 938

You deserved it 24 615

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 316

By Annie - 24/08/2015 08:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 781

You deserved it 9 252

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 227

You deserved it 41 614

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 660

You deserved it 27 064

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 2 513

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 949

You deserved it 1 135

Next

Top comments

Jelbeztok 17

Friday 29 November 2013 6:12

so.. did you kill it?

RowanNightShade 22

Friday 29 November 2013 6:16

"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you"

Comments

mac8080 7

Friday 29 November 2013 6:24

Hope u are ok

carelessxdanger 9

Friday 29 November 2013 6:27

yes, because people stab spiders. i prefer to smash them.

Setareh23 34

Friday 29 November 2013 6:28

Your name says it all.

Ecudaniel 16

Friday 29 November 2013 6:28

I don't blame him is a mother ******* spider!!!

TheAnonGal 7

Friday 29 November 2013 6:28

Oh yes, because the average person staps a spider..

olpally 32

Friday 29 November 2013 6:31

Way to go op. Lmao. I bet you didn't even kill the spider. Hahaha.

EmmaMK 35

Friday 29 November 2013 6:34

Maybe you need some time apart from your pocket knife, what if it was on someone else's leg. Most people just brush spiders off, but some people scream like a banshie. While others concoct ways to remove the beast to a safe location and then sit triumphant.

riashah 14

Friday 29 November 2013 6:40

Brilliant move. R.I.P Spider.

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 29 November 2013 6:41

good thing it wasn't on your face or your nutsack.

samcazo 3

Friday 29 November 2013 6:42

Sadly I probably would have had the same reaction.

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The Top

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 000

You deserved it 2 751

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 38 929

You deserved it 22 100

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I agree, your life sucks 31 957

You deserved it 19 045

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 362

Today, I told my husband that I missed how exciting it was when we were dating, so he pretended to sneak into my room through the window, we had sex, then fell asleep. All very exciting. Then the bastard actually snuck out while I was still asleep, and didn’t call me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 412

Today, I was running a minute late for a big meeting that I'd organised. I got so hot from running up a flight of stairs that I couldn’t pass the Covid temperature screening requirement, and had to sit down for 10 minutes to cool off. By the time I was cool enough, everyone had already left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 551

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 552

You deserved it 3 703