By Dick the Greater - 25/10/2013 22:08

Spicy
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks 60 341
You deserved it 10 350
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

oj101 33

Drunken words are sober thoughts.

248 6
yoimtrollin 24

Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.

179 17

Comments

MiissAshleyy 19

thats a good way to break the ice. lol.

22 2
stephers444 17

You may want to work on that then

11 3
tygerarmy 35

The OP should ask his GF what he has to do to get her off.

16 1
sniken 14

and the gf should tell him, before getting ass drunk and complaining elsewhere for problems she should have solved with her bf in private. (assuming this was his first time hearing about it). Now he knows though, and can do something about it.

14 3
8born8 18

try practicing your sucking technique and tongue control with a mango (or similar fruit). that's what I used when I taught my ex how to give basic oral, then it was tuition and practice.

2 18
BlowinChronic 18

imagining someone practicing oral on a mango...

15 0
Gingerette 8

#70, you're smarter than I am, because I can't even begin to imagine what that's supposed to look like. All I see in my head right now is question marks...

11 0
BrotherPhil 35

I believe Vatsayana did mention a technique named for a mango, but iirc, it was one that was usually for women.

0 0
ColbyGB 13

Maybe you shouldn't let her get drunk, doesn't sound like anything good comes out of her oral either

48 1
8born8 18

Wow, the morning after the night before. Awesome mum you have there OP. I wonder how she reacted to that. Your GF should've said something to you first about building on and improving your sexual repertoire if she wasn't happy. Admittedly it's horrible having to talk to your SO about their lackluster skills, but it's better than saying nothing and not getting what needs to be got. Maybe have a (serious) chat to a male whom you're close to.... And your GF should apologise for any disruption & awkwardness she may have caused.

6 15
ahd94 21

There's totally a nice way of getting your mate to mate better. Just give them suggestions rather than saying "you suck at sex"

17 0
8born8 18

from previous experiences there is need for tact and diplomacy when broaching the subject of a mans performance, I agree that beating around the bush only exaggerates a sticky situation. men are fragile after all.

13 1
capacitatedflux 6

"beating around the bush"? "sticky situation"? There's no way that wasn't intentional, but there's nothing at the end of your post to signify you knew you did it as is the norm here. I am utterly confused.

13 1
isuckok 11

Maybe she doesn't feel the need to exaggerate her puns.

2 0
caden_bro 9

She does feel the need to use as many big words as possible, to seem more intelligent.

3 6
keymustang 10

practice doing the ABCs for oral when your board and practice kegels for your down low

1 8
chilevmv 7

Yikes. Well I have no advice on this one

0 6
caitylynn05 16

there's a pill for that! and practice makes perfect if you take her advice ;)

2 7
caden_bro 9

Those pills aren't really a solution. And don't forget, he may be average sized, but the woman may be a little... Wider, or the man just doesn't know how to use what he has.

1 0
justtheotherguy 12

Send your girlfriend to me, seems like I can be in Guinness world record for my small size

3 11
n00b4liciou5 10

"oral sucks" heheh

9 3
cryssycakesx3 22

he looks like the LOLOLOLOLLLL face.

1 4