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By  askullnamedbilly  |  33

You SHOULD get counselling. Both of you. No matter which one of you is 'right' about the situation, it sounds like there's a serious imbalance in your relationship. Maybe she's too distant and doesn't invest enough in the relationship, maybe your expectations are unrealistic and you're too dependent on your wife. It's most likely some kind of mixture of both, but it's important to remember that while your perspective feels real and valid to you, it might not to your partner. It sounds like both of you could benefit from a third, objective person telling you how to approach those problems.

By  mssileas  |  5

Hard to judge from that short tale, but getting 100% from someone, even your spouse, means you have to deal with 200% of problems, expectations, experiences etc. Depending on how mentally stable you are, this can be quite a weight to carry. Maybe try to have an open conversation about that.

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By  mssileas  |  5

Hard to judge from that short tale, but getting 100% from someone, even your spouse, means you have to deal with 200% of problems, expectations, experiences etc. Depending on how mentally stable you are, this can be quite a weight to carry. Maybe try to have an open conversation about that.

By  species4872  |  17

That's just sad mate, keep your chin up ok.

By  FueledByFate  |  21

Relationships can only truly work if both halves give everything their all. If you're doing everything, and she's doing nothing, it's time for a change. She needs to be willing to work just as hard as you do on things. It may be beneficial for you both to take some marriage counseling together, so that you can come to an understanding where you're both happy.

By  askullnamedbilly  |  33

You SHOULD get counselling. Both of you. No matter which one of you is 'right' about the situation, it sounds like there's a serious imbalance in your relationship. Maybe she's too distant and doesn't invest enough in the relationship, maybe your expectations are unrealistic and you're too dependent on your wife. It's most likely some kind of mixture of both, but it's important to remember that while your perspective feels real and valid to you, it might not to your partner. It sounds like both of you could benefit from a third, objective person telling you how to approach those problems.

By  ElizaWy  |  25

Hey! OP's wife here. I thought I'd add a bit of context. Several of you made pretty impressive guesses on the situation. He can be needy. I tend to be independent and, yes, at times too involved with projects and non-relationship things. We were seeing someone for marital counseling to work through these things a while back. The reason that stopped is because I got sick. It started with migraines once a week, then three times a week. Then they just stopped going away. I've been bedridden with what the neurologists are calling a 'status migraine' for nearly three months now, and I'm really worried for him. Some days I can hardly take care of myself, much less his emotional needs, and he needs to get some help that's not from me because (in my opinion) he's cracking under the strain of juggling work, college, not-entirely-realistic marriage expectations, and now a wife with an invisible pickax in her temporal lobe. And after all that, factor in that he's not close to his parents, and doesn't have a ton of friends in the area... you get the picture. All in all, it's sucky all around. :( We'll do our best to get through.

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  mssileas  |  5

Hello! So cool that you're speaking up... I was guessing that because it reminds me of my SO. I'm pretty independant (and like it that way) which sometimes leaves him with the impression that I have nothing to take care of anyway and kind of expects me to take on his responsibilites as well. I never mean to hurt him when I tell him that I can't do that, but I'm his partner not his mother and each of us have to deal with certain things on our own. We can support each other, but not completely rely on the other person to have a grip on everything 24/7. I hope everything works out well for you, get better soon!

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  ElizaWy  |  25

It certainly has its challenges... sometimes it can feel like you're a drained battery, and it can be hard to communicate what you need at that point. And sometimes it's hard to explain the difference between rejection and needing space. That said, some good has come out of all of this. He's been better about respecting my boundaries (I don't like to be touched when I'm in pain, his first instinct is to give reassuring pats and snuggles, that sort of thing). He's been taking great care of me when he's not working, and I've been making a point to be pleasant and give what affection I can. Sometimes I make it. Sometimes not. I stand by what I said, though. His life can not (and should not) be all about me. I don't think that's what marriage is about, and I really don't think it's sustainable.

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  natejgardner  |  4

OP. First, I regret that this ended up on here. I wrote it when I was very upset and I've been hoping it wouldn't get published ever since. Hearing my wife's opinion on here shows me that we've had a great miscommunication. I was feeling very hurt by differing commitment levels. I was saying she had 100% of me, and it hurt me that she's still not sure she's going to stick around in the marriage. I was shocked that she seemingly was rejecting my commitment to her, but it's clear she interpreted what I said differently than I meant it, and I wasn't speaking clearly at the time. We've only been married half a year now, and as Eliza said she's been sick for half of it. It's been a really rocky start and we haven't had a chance to get much of a foundation built in our marriage. The counseling was helping, but we can't go anymore because she's sick. In any case, I think it's best we deal with our issues ourselves instead of putting them on the internet. I'm really sorry for putting this on here. I'd like bury this.

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  sw2f2fchik612  |  12

Hey, it may not be such a bad thing that this got published. Embarrassing, yes, but look: already you got her point of view when it seems like you weren't understanding. And obviously she didn't fully understand your point of view either. Now you got both sides out for you both to read. And while FML is more of an entertainment site, it seems like a lot of people have experienced similar issues (I know I have) and may even have some good advice for you both to consider. No shame man, looks like you both have issues to work out but it seems like your lady wants to work through it just like you do.

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  jmny  |  1

OP and wife, you two sound like wonderful people who really care about each other! I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now, and I hope they get better!

By  MoroseMoose  |  45

The two of you reconnecting over FML is actually pretty sweet. Good luck to you guys!

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