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Dog: Today I was mid bowel movement when a duck came out of nowhere and scared the shit out of me and I ran into a prickle bush. Now my owner is spending all her time pulling poop prickles off my butt. FML

Yes, I'm sure he thought so hard about it. "This duck just scared me half to death. I could run toward the house but there's a prickly bush right there! Hard choices." More like eff the dog's life.

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