Holidays: Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find...

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 754

You deserved it 6 999

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 752

You deserved it 1 784

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 920

You deserved it 3 839

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 219

You deserved it 1 145

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 540

You deserved it 3 364

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 768

You deserved it 51 764

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 400

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 425

You deserved it 19 334

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 169

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 4 108

Just do it

By tulisa - 21/02/2015 04:25 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 368

You deserved it 4 457

TheDrifter 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

That is just awesome. Don't tell people before they stay over, trust me, it'll be great.

wootwootimahoot 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

The sitter should have taught it to say "Help! I'm trapped in a parrot's body!"

Comments

xXNerrrdXx 16

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:20

that is awesome ! xD not even an fml lol

M3DIC4T3 29

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:21

Can't you train it to say something else? Put a radio next to the cage with Ryan Seacrest's station on.

Snowkeys 11

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:22

The parrot would be un sellable.

miraclewhip94 16

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:22

haha that's awesome, creepy but awesome lol

Kashaqueetrah 12

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:23

Don't tell anyone who stays the night and tape the reactions.

Enslaved 36

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:27

Cool! Now teach him to sing Guns N' Roses'-- "Welcome to the Jungle" and he can add "You know where you are? You're down in the jungle baby, "You're going to DIEEEEEEE"

perdix 29

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:30

Make him buy that parrot from you so you can buy a new one. Before you give the ruined one to him, teach him to say "You're fired" in that creepy Donald Trump voice.

horneyhic 15

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:32

I would've done that to my own parot that's awesome

horneyhic 15

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:37

Also awesome would've been "I can smell your ****" and "here's Johnny"

horneyhic 15

Tuesday 18 June 2013 5:36

All these ppl thumbing me down have obvs never seen Silence of the Lambs or The Shining

kozzard 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 6:19

or just thought the joke was bad

Frenchtony 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:34

It should have been trained to say "It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan" I'm pretty sure it sounds like Bane when a parrot says it.