Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship...

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 516

You deserved it 5 792

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 404

By Darling_Cherry - 02/01/2010 21:22 - United States

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 148

You deserved it 6 929

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 330

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 284

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 204

You deserved it 2 743

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 640

You deserved it 2 507

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 4 506

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 518

You deserved it 21 922

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 504

You deserved it 10 494

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 1 903

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

Ozuru 11

Monday 30 January 2012 1:35

You did word it...wrong...but still people, he doesn't have sex with his cat.

OhHushDear 11

Monday 30 January 2012 1:38

How do you know? It doesn't say so O_o

Shrike 23

Monday 30 January 2012 1:42

Yeah, you don't know that. Stop ruining our chance to act disgusted and insult random strangers, man.

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:03

Hey #13 what's wrong with you man? Stop hating on true love!

hawkey126 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:51

Don't you know what FML is for?

ChaosAngel17 14

Monday 30 January 2012 9:00

It's definitely not for laughs.

mpsteve137 15

Monday 30 January 2012 1:39

All the man wants is some damn pussy.

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:14

lol gimme my pussy!!!

upyourzlolz 11

Monday 30 January 2012 4:19

Pussy is pussy.

monkiki62 5

Monday 30 January 2012 1:39

Psh I enjoy my cats company over my boyfriends. Cats aren't needy and up ur ass. Lol

redbluegreen 40

Monday 30 January 2012 1:49

Agreed, but I do have to say, if there's a cat up your ass you're probably not wiping correctly.

monkiki62 5

Monday 30 January 2012 1:51

Prolly not. But at least I know where my kitty is. Lol

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:16

I'm not sure if you would want to talk to your Doctor or your vet first lol

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 1:39

At least OP you can tell your friends your "chilling with pussy"

loller27 6

Monday 30 January 2012 1:40

you can't expect a cat to love you

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 30 January 2012 5:45

Batman did.

Acousticpixie14 6

Monday 30 January 2012 1:40

Well maybe if you didn't spend so much time with your cat, you'd have a girlfriend?

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Monday 30 January 2012 1:40

I think you mean 'fickle'.

JukeboxValkyrie 19

Monday 30 January 2012 1:41

Perhaps find a woman who...likes cats as much as you do?

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:18

Great idea #26, I think they are called lesbians lol

jessimica642 8

Monday 30 January 2012 8:08

Yeah have you seen the on YouTube the eHarmony video of the woman who loves cats? Check it out I bet she's still single ;)

chelseaaa92 7

Monday 30 January 2012 1:49

You need to get out there and find you a woman!! Online dating profile? Must love cats!;)

stevenmx86 7

Monday 30 January 2012 1:50

It's pathetic that you even consider your cat when trying to recall intimate relationships..

Keywords

Love Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Work Revenge Parents Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice Kids AITA Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Capitalism Money

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 5 979

Today, after spending at least two hours on the phone every day for the past week, my health insurer I pay a huge monthly premium to agreed to cover my life-sustaining insulin. But they won't contribute to the cost until after I've paid an unaffordable deductible first. I'm going to die even though I'm insured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 82

The Top

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 625

You deserved it 74 976

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 357

You deserved it 54 855

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 772

You deserved it 7 721

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There were around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is, and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 256

You deserved it 3 402

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 13 457

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 203

You deserved it 5 007

Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

Hey human, I'm right here

Unloveable

Sick move, bro

Top comments

Comments