Health: Today, I realized that I'm so goddamn lazy that my body has trained... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By FastTurtle9 - 13/05/2016 14:11 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I realized that I'm so goddamn lazy that my body has trained itself to have to go to the bathroom when I start doing physical labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 36

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

smallandroid 26

Friday 13 May 2016 22:04

That could be en entirely different problem, OP. I know when I had kidney stones, if I jumped around or anything I could end up pissing myself. Might be worth checking out?

GhostFox 33

Tuesday 17 May 2016 10:24

Actually, exercise causes bowel movements among other issues. Look up "runner's *****" if you are brave enough.

Comments

smallandroid 26

Friday 13 May 2016 22:04

That could be en entirely different problem, OP. I know when I had kidney stones, if I jumped around or anything I could end up pissing myself. Might be worth checking out?

JTBSpartan 4

Saturday 14 May 2016 4:34

I feel for you OP. I am in the same situation

GhostFox 33

Tuesday 17 May 2016 10:24

Actually, exercise causes bowel movements among other issues. Look up "runner's *****" if you are brave enough.

Keywords

Friends Love Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Work Relatable Awkward Parents Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Facebook Social Media Jealousy Relationship advice Kids AITA Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Money Education

The Top

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 652

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 98

The Top

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 3 438

Today, after checking in and waiting for three hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 154

You deserved it 4 201

Today, my stepmom aired her opinions on how marriage and children are just shackles placed on women by men to keep them miserable, downtrodden, under control, and borderline suicidal. She made this speech during my wedding reception. Oh and I’m 4 months pregnant as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 164

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 223

Today, after spending the night anxiously waiting for a negative COVID test result which would allow me to travel, I got to the airport in the morning, despite delays, and finally realized that my wallet is sitting on my couch at home. I'm on the plane now. There's no going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 370

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 520

You deserved it 1 503