Intimacy: Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and...

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 942

You deserved it 6 300

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From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 086

You deserved it 21 605

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 1 761

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 610

You deserved it 4 811

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 796

You deserved it 40 460

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 433

You deserved it 41 262

By Fartini - 07/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 248

You deserved it 2 426

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 919

You deserved it 50 965

By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 4 087

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 243

You deserved it 4 721

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 2 003

doctorr_fml 9

Friday 25 October 2013 8:21

Stay drunk and take a Viagra

daniel_dd31 13

Friday 25 October 2013 10:05

I don't know if mixing Viagra with alcohol is a good idea.

Comments

rgriff27 19

Friday 25 October 2013 8:32

It's a happy medium!

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 25 October 2013 8:32

Get up and get out!

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Friday 25 October 2013 8:37

be like Neo & take the blue pill

Riku714 25

Friday 25 October 2013 8:39

Meet halfway?

cosicosei 22

Friday 25 October 2013 8:41

Time to get... Tipsy...? Seems the the logical medium there

boating_guy 33

Friday 25 October 2013 9:08

boom. problem solved^

ihpp 22

Friday 25 October 2013 9:08

Don't worry my hubby has that problem when drunk, too. your not alone.

\ 28

Friday 25 October 2013 9:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

SmokinGuns 13

Friday 25 October 2013 9:27

Smoke weed instead

CoffeeChickBlows 13

Friday 25 October 2013 11:13

Um yeah.. being a limpdick is his problem, not a solution to it, genius.

LaLince 40

Friday 25 October 2013 9:41

Stay sober and just sync your breathing with the speed you're hitting. that helps lasting much longer.

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The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 689

You deserved it 3 028

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 544

The Top

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 571

You deserved it 49 759

Today, my mom slaved over a hot stove making a meal for 20 guests. They all cancelled at the last second. We now have leftovers for 20 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 74

Today, I emailed out class requirements for the upcoming school year. I had to include, "No toys, no bottles, no pacifiers, and children must be fully potty trained in order to attend." At least 3 parents complained. I teach second grade, and none of them is special needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 84

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 6 127

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 617

You deserved it 2 543

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 197

You deserved it 2 866

Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

Completely wet

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