Intimacy: Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie....

By kill me now - 16/01/2017 21:22

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 190

You deserved it 6 632

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 29 348

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 014

You deserved it 1 713

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 938

You deserved it 339 235

By the critic - 18/06/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 344

You deserved it 6 016

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 7 249

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 1 925

What is the real feeling?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 05:15

Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 2 448

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 703

You deserved it 4 139

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 314

You deserved it 29 203

organizse 28

Monday 16 January 2017 21:41

That really blows.

nainai_09 14

Monday 16 January 2017 21:43

Wtf ?

Comments

money2g 7

Tuesday 17 January 2017 0:07

The ****?...

jakey94_boss 8

Tuesday 17 January 2017 0:18

Wow...

KaylaTackett 18

Tuesday 17 January 2017 1:26

I'm not really sure what to say...

Blizz18 14

Tuesday 17 January 2017 2:38

I've got Shaun of the Dead. Wanna come over?

Leanne798 25

Tuesday 17 January 2017 2:42

Just...why?

DramaticLizard 7

Tuesday 17 January 2017 3:41

Does The Force Awakens count?

joe1105 11

Tuesday 17 January 2017 4:13

this thing was crazy from start to finish

ohsnapword 21

Tuesday 17 January 2017 4:54

<p>Your boyfriend must love Simon Pegg movies.</p>

manlove38 23

Tuesday 17 January 2017 4:56

Doing something good with your time I see ?

MidnaLink 33

Tuesday 17 January 2017 6:23

What…?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 78

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 5 150

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 167

You deserved it 3 235

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 129

You deserved it 2 288

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 547

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 289

You deserved it 2 417

Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 150